Page 61 of On Your Knees

I bury my face in my hands and let out a heaving breath that turns into something jagged, something broken. My shoulders shake and I don’t care that I’m in public. I don’t care that people are watching me.

The worst part isn’t that they wore masks. It’s that I didn’t realize how much I fell for them until they’d taken them off. And now... now I don’t know if I can distinguish what was real and what was part of their game.

Ridge saying I have a week of paid leave is laughable—I can’t go back. Men like him think they just speak and everyone will jump, but not me. He says they will respect my wishes, but I know Zeland won’t—he will rush me like a bull in a china shop the second I walk through those doors. Though I could be wrong. It’s not like he or Aspen have tried to contact me, only Ridge, and something seems off about that.

“Hey, man. Are you okay? Was that your boyfriend in here before?”

I wipe my face and look up at Heath. “I’m fine—it’s complicated. Thanks for the free game. I have to go.”

I push my chair back and rush out. I need some fresh air and time to think.

The days blur together. Morning, night, it all feels the same. I go through the motions: wake up, stare at my ceiling, and try to pretend I’m not hoping for a message that never arrives. God, I miss them, though I fucking hate that I do. I miss Aspen’s smart mouth and the way she’d always beat the teenagers in that stupid game, then smack talk them. I miss Zeland showing up at my favorite coffee shop, pretending it was a coincidence, always with that smirk, like he knew something I didn’t. I hate how they knew who I was the whole time. Every moment I thought was real, every look, every touch.

For the first time, I actually felt wanted. If I’d known, if they’d been honest after the first time, I might’ve saved some pieces of myself. Or maybe not. Maybe I still would’ve fallen for them. Maybe I already had.

Sometimes I wish they hadn’t told me. At least then I could still game with her and pretend she was just the cool girl on the other end of the screen who made me feel seen. At least then I wouldn’t feel this hollow ache every time I check my messages and they are empty.

“Okay, that’s it!” my mom huffs, coming down the stairs. “I have let you mope, and I have tried not to pry, but it’s been days, and you’ve barely come out of your room. It smells like something died down here. Did you lose your job?”

I shake my head.

“Is it that girl you game with, or the man with the cheeky smile?”

“I thought they liked me, but they don’t. Please don’t ask me to explain because I have just stopped crying about it. Just give me time.”

She nods. “I love you, baby, but you smell. Get your ass up and shower while I strip your bed and clean this mess up a little.”

I don’t argue; I don’t have it in me. Instead, I do as she asks and go shower. The water is scalding, but I let it burn. It’s the first thing I’ve felt in days that wasn’t just... numb. I lean my forehead against the tiles, water sliding down my back, and for a second I just breathe.

Then it hits me—this can’t be it. I can’t letthembe the reason I fall apart.

They already took pieces of me I didn’t even know I was handing over, but I won’t let them take everything. Ridge said I earned my place, that he didn’t give me a job to mess with me. I don’t know if I believe him, not yet, but I’m going to prove I deserve it.

To him.

To Zeland.

To Aspen.

And to myself.

I’m going back to work. Not for them, but for me.

Let them keep their secrets and their masks—I’m done hiding behind mine.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Ridge

Their heartbreak makes no sense to me. I don’t understand how you can feel something so strong after knowing someone for such a short time. Would I be heartbroken if Zeland left me? I’m sure I would. Aspen, maybe, but not enough that I would need to take time off work. It’s why I’m here in the office, and have been all week, while Zeland and Aspen have been home.

I called Theo and told him Arlo would be away for the week. While I know I shouldn’t have hacked into his phone and tracked his whereabouts, I did. I don’t even know why I fucking care so much.

“Sir, you have a call on line two,” my executive assistant tells me.

As I pick up the phone, I already know it’s Zeland. “I swear to god this better be important.”

Switching on my screen, I pull up the home security system and see Aspen riding Zee. He has the phone tucked between his shoulder and ear as he holds her tits.

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