Page 64 of On Your Knees

She means for talking to Arlo and making them give him space. I will always look out for them and have their best interests at heart, no matter what that looks like. Even if I have to be the bad guy or make them see sense. Aspen is the first one to tell me that my love language is taking care of people, and maybe she is right because there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to take care of them.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Aspen

Nerves have never hit me as hard as they did this morning. When Ridge asked us to give Arlo space, I wanted to say fuck it and storm over to his house, demanding that he listen to me. I know I’m a little confrontational, but I hate leaving things in limbo. I need to sort the issue out straight away, regardless of the result. But this time I decide to trust Ridge. He said if we give Arlo time, we would get our chance to explain. That he deserves space to process his loss, because it is how he is feeling, and he is entitled to those emotions.

For the last few nights, Arlo has logged on and we have played together. It’s in a group of people, and hedoesn’t talk to me, but he has my back when those pesky prepubescent dudebros decide to gang up on me. It’s been excruciatingly hard to not beg for his forgiveness, but Ridge assures me it was a good first step.

Ridge spoke with Arlo about me coming back to work and he agreed—that’s why I’m nervous.

I threw up four times before I left the house this morning. Zeland wants me to wait, but it doesn’t matter what day I do this, the result will be the same. When I freak out or my anxiety rears its ugly head, I vomit. It’s why I have a stash of vomit bags handy.

Ridge, Zeland, and I walk into the building together. Ridge stops in front of me and takes my face in his hands. “You’ve got this, just be yourself.”

He presses his lips to mine in front of everyone in the foyer, and I gasp. He never does PDA in front of his employees. Thankfully, I brushed my teeth and used half a bottle of mouthwash before we left, or this kiss would be super awkward.

Zeland wraps his arms around both of us.

“Okay,” Ridge says with a chuckle. “I have a meeting in fifteen minutes. I will see you both for lunch in my office.” He winks and straightens his tie as he walks off.

“Damn, he has a nice ass,” I whisper, and Zeland takes my hand.

“That he does. Now let me take you up to your floor. I promise I won’t say anything to Arlo—he can come to me when he is ready. I’m just happy he’s back.”

We get into the elevator and once we reach the eighth floor, my nerves ramp up to a million. Zelandsqueezes my clammy hand as the doors open and steps out with me—then we both freeze. Arlo is standing at the front desk talking to Theo, and both men look our way.

“That is my cue to leave,” Zee blurts. “Have an amazing day. You know where to find me if you need me.”

I nod as he pulls me into his body and wraps his arms around me. The comfort that radiates through me calms my nerves. When he lets me go and steps back into the elevator, he’s looking over my head. He winks as the doors slide closed.

I take a deep breath and turn to face Arlo.

“Morning,” I quip as I rush past them to the double doors, scanning my access card, then quickly scurrying through and down the hall to our office. It smells like him, and I can’t believe how much I have missed the smell of sweet oranges and spice until now. I know liking three men is not normal, but I do, and I had it all until I screwed up. But at the very least, I need my friend back.

When Arlo walks into the room, the tension is thick—I can feel it radiating from him.

“Hi, Aspen,” he says.

“I missed you,” I whisper, not wanting to scare him.

“I know, Ridge told me, but I’m so upset with you.”

In a rush of steps, I close the distance between us, all my logic about not wanting to scare him falling away. “Yell at me, tell me how pissed off you are, anything but silence. I know how badly I fucked up. If I could go back?—”

“You would want to take us back?!”

I reach up and cup his jaw. “God no, at least not the first time, but I would have told you the truth after that. I’m so, so, so sorry I lied to you and betrayed your trust. Everything just snowballed so fast. You were a different person online, and when you started working here, I wanted to be close to you. Then with the mask stuff... I wanted you to be free, to do things you never thought you could. I just didn’t mean to fall for you in the process.”

“It hurt so bad. I finally had all the things I wanted in life. I trusted you,” he says, his voice low and tight, as if he is trying not to cry. It breaks my heart that I made him feel like this. “As a gamer. As a friend. As a coworker. And then as something more. Something I can’t even put into words because the second I name it, it feels too real, too much.”

My lips part, ready to assure him he can still have those things with me, but he shakes his head, dislodging my hand and halting my reply.

“I fell for you without even realizing it. First through the headset, when you’d tease me during raids and call me out when I didn’t have your back. Then again, when we worked side by side, and I kept wondering why you felt so damn familiar.” He laughs bitterly. “And then the masked version of you... fuck, Aspen. I let that version of you touch me in ways no one ever has. You took almost every first I had without even giving me your name.”

A tear slides down my cheek, and he reaches out to wipe it away.

His own cheeks are flushed with emotion, and hiseyes... fuck, those eyes won’t stop flicking to mine like he’s scared I’ll look away.

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