Page 101 of Forever Cursed

She sits across from me, preparing her notebook like Chrissy used to. I already miss that girl’s note-taking and the nose wiggle she used to do while she was studying me.

“I’m sorry about last time.” I offer her a sad smile. “I wasn’t myself that day. I’m not normally so?—”

“Abrasive?” she asks with a smirk.

“Yeah . . . it wasn’t my best day.”

“I understand, don’t worry. I took no offense.”

I release a tiny puff of air through my nose when she looks at me.

Her eyes are hazel with a dark green ring around the irises. She has long, dark auburn hair and a beauty mark on the edge of her nose. I don’t know much about her other than that Chrissy likes her.

“Chrissy caught me up on where you two left off. Are you ready to get started?”

I nod while playing with my thumbs under the table.

“What has happened since your last check-in?”

When was our last one-on-one? I feel like it’s been an eternity.

“If I remember correctly, the last official check-in was before the Fourth of July, and I’ve been lying to Chrissy.”

“How so?”

“She thinks I’m on the verge of burnout. I told her what I do for the team, along with my own routines, classes, and social life. I’ve been taking on additional tasks to help Malik, but he took advantage of my kindness. She suggested I give him some of the tasks back, and I didn’t, even though I said I would.”

Raina writes all this down, keeping her eyes locked on me. “Why did you lie to her?”

“I—” I stumble over my words.

Why did I lie to her? I’m not prone to lying. I’m an open book. So, why did I lie to the one person who has done nothing but reassure me, who has tried her best to help me? Chrissy was only looking out for me, but if she hadn’t known that I hadn’t kept my word, what would she have done?

“I didn’t want to disappoint her,” I say under my breath. “I was afraid she would leave if I did, and I would be left alone.”

Raina’s gaze softens, and her lips trickle into a small smile. “Like when your mother left?”

All I can do is nod.

“Do you think she left because you disappointed her?”

“I don’t know,” I mumble as I fight the tears in my eyes.

“I’m sure Chrissy has told you this, but I will say it again. It’s notyourfault.”

“Then why?” I ask through my tears.

Raina drops her shoulders as she sighs. “You may never get your answer, Rome. Accepting that fact will take time. It’s important to remember that you did nothing wrong. You were a child, and that child is still within you.”

The thought of eight-year-old me makes me cry harder, and I’d give anything to give him a hug.

“You parented yourself, didn’t you?” Raina asks carefully.

“What do you mean?” I ask as I grab a napkin to wipe my nose.

“When our parents don’t live up to our expectations, we often seek things our inner child wants or needs. Comfort, love, security, reassurance, protection. It seems to me that you had to provide those things for yourself, and you still are. But you have friends who love you, a girlfriend who will do anything for you. You’re a good person, and you offer a lot of people some of the things you provide yourself. Hence why you won’t give up some of your tasks for the team.” Raina smirks knowingly, and I chuckle through my tears.

“That makes sense.”

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