Page 55 of Midnight Wishes

They drove mostly in silence, Alex thinking on all the ways he needed to show her how good they could be together. Planning how to maximise this single night she had gifted him with, so it multiplied until she was his forever. And much like the first time she’d driven with him, Sarah stared out the window, face pensive.

It was better, he thought. It meant she couldn’t see his lingering stares each time he idled at a traffic light or stop sign. Couldn’t see the wheels turning behind his eyes as he imagined taking her out and spoiling her on a weekly basis.

After pulling into a parking garage down the street from the gallery, Alex made a show of checking his watch. ‘I expected traffic to be worse.’ He hadn’t. He’d known exactly how long it would take them to get there. And they were perfectly on schedule.

‘You don’t say.’ With the view of the city replaced by concrete and cars, Sarah turned from the window to face him.

Her proximity in the small space was dizzying, and his hand twitched with a nervous tic he’d spent years suppressing. But then,vulnerability dammit, he let it come up to scratch the back of his head. ‘Have you eaten? There’s a great place downstairs.’

Even white teeth sank into her lower lip, sending Alex’s mind skating towards dangerous memories of biting it himself. It took effort to keep his voice steady as he continued, ‘It’s that or amuse ourselves in here for an hour. And the only downside to this car is that the backseat isn’t big enough to have any fun.’

He knew, heknew, he was supposed to be showing her softness, but so much of their connection was wrapped up in this. In the teasing and the flirting and the suggestive exchanges. He used that part of himself to hide his insecurities, sure. But the persona worked so well because it was still part of him. Tonight, he just needed to let her see the layers underneath too.

‘Yeah, okay.’

‘Fuck, that’s good.’Alex was aware that the sound he made was vaguely pornographic, as flavour exploded over his tongue. ‘I haven’t had a steak in ages.’

‘Is this some podcast-bro, “my body is a temple, and steak will ruin my eight-pack” bullshit?’ Sarah’s eyes had glazed slightly at the sound he’d made, but then she was back—snark-filled voice and a raised eyebrow.

He wondered if she knew her smirk came out almost as often as his. He wondered if it came from the same place of trying to hide somethingreal.

‘It’s some “I don’t have time to cook for myself, and you can’t exactly freeze and reheat a cooked steak” bullshit. But I’m glad you’ve been counting my abs.’

Something gave in her face, eyebrows softening as she took a long, slow, contemplative sip of wine. Alex let his gaze linger while she put her glass down and lifted her napkin to dab away a drop of wine he’d been a second away from catching himself.

‘Why do you do it?’ she finally asked. ‘Your working hours are insane. You’re so busy you don’t have time to eat. Your co-workers suck. You’re tired all the time. It’s probably a good thing you don’t want a relationship, because you barely have time for sex, never mind—’

‘I could,’ he said quietly. Sarah looked at him sharply. He held her gaze steadily as he continued, ‘I could want a relationship. With the right person.’

An eternity passed between them before she looked away, toying with the ravioli on her plate. ‘It just doesn’t seem that you like your job much.’

He thought about the email sitting in his drafts. One he’d started typing months before. One he’d edited each time work kept him from seeking sanctuary in Sarah’s bed.

‘I liked it when I started. The way my brain works—’ He’d only put this into words once before, in that series of doctor’s appointments that got him his diagnosis. ‘I struggle to focus on things unless I’m good at them or I’m passionate about them. That’s why I did an art history degree. Even without the vocabulary of what was wrong with me, I knew that three or four years of uni, trying to force an interest in something sensible for that long, would be a slog.

‘Honestly, I think if I’d actually studied anything in the finance sector, I would have been bored. Failed out. But I’m good with people. Good at analysis. Art weirdly helped prepare me for that. And that was enough to make the rest of it easy. You’re going to think I’m an ass for saying this, but I liked the money. There’s not a lot else that would let me buy a house in London before I turned thirty. And it’s not always like this. I’m dealing with a company in the States at the moment, which is why I’m having so many late nights.’

He was surprised when he paused for breath. She kept pulling these long swathes of information from him, another thing he’d trained himself out of years ago. People don’t like when you talk too much about yourself and your own interests, so he’d learned not to. Part of bringing them round to your side was listening to them, making note of their interests and needs. Maybe it was because he wanted Sarah to know things about him. To understand that the facade was just that. Maybe it was because she didn’t sit there, unresponsive, clearly waiting for him tolet her speak. Maybe it was because shelistenedto him, and that was all the difference. ‘Besides, we can’t all be supremely talented at the thing we love.’

He’d expected the quickly rolled eyes. What he hadn’t expected was the faint flush that spread across her cheeks as she fought to control the smile pulling at her lips. ‘Is there anything you’re good at that you actually like doing?’

Alex sprawled back in his chair. ‘Sex.’

To his surprise, that didn’t elicit more derision. Instead, Sarah leaned in slightly. ‘Hmm… You could have a very lucrative career on OnlyFans.’

‘I’d need a partner. Looking for a side gig?’ And even though he knew they were joking, the idea of filming them together was one that would sear itself into his brain. If he could convince her to want him, date him, love him, letting him film them fucking sounded like a downright plausible idea.

‘Aleksander, I’ve seen you jerk off.’ She lowered her voice as a waiter veered closer to their table, a reminder that they were not, in fact, sequestered in a private bubble. ‘Trust me; you don’t need a partner. People of any gender are going to want that pretty face all to themselves.’

Before he could follow that thread—people, but not you?—she was changing the subject.

‘So what’s the deal with your ex? You dumped her, and now you want to rub your happiness in her face?’

‘Would you have come if you really thought that was the reason?’

Sarah stayed still, waiting for him to go on.

‘It was another period like this at work. I was at the office until ten or eleven most nights. But Leah and my flatmate got along really well, so she never minded hanging out there, waiting up for me. And there I was, thinking how great it was that the first serious girlfriend I’d had since uni fitted in so well with my best friend.’ He waited until the first flicker of comprehension ignited on her face before he continued. ‘I just didn’t realise how well my best friend fitted in her.’

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