Page 75 of Midnight Wishes

And then shesawher friend shift intohopeless romanticmode as she straightened her back and wrapped a curl around her finger, face thoughtful. After a moment, Abby said, ‘I hear there’s a wedding coming up. Sounds like the perfect place for a grand gesture.’

Chapter 36

ALEX

Hits Different | Taylor Swift

‘Holy shit, didyou forget to shave?’

Occasionally, Alex was grateful for his sister-in-law. Erik’s stony face and awkward posture were expected, softening only for the moment he pulled his seat forwards so Abby could clamber into the back. Her spritely, chipper mood was not. But it helped break the silence that had held since Erik walked outside, carrying their bags.

Even if Alex wanted to cringe at the fact that, no, he hadn’t shaved that morning, or the morning before, disrupting his decade-and-a-half long routine of shaving on alternate days to ensure he never had perceptible regrowth.

‘Don’t worry. I’ll shave before the wedding,’ he grunted.

‘You don’t have to,’ Abby said. ‘He won’t.’ She gestured at Erik, finally folding himself into the front seat and looking like he wanted to be absolutely anywhere else. Erik, who had been entirely clean-shaven only a handful of days since he’d left school, preferring to keep a casual layer of scruff that Alex feltsure took far more effort to maintain than his usually smooth skin. ‘I’m just in shock, because I don’t think I’ve seen your facial hair since you were fifteen,’ Abby said.

‘I’m trying something new,’ Alex muttered, slumping into his own seat and turning the key in the ignition. A week before, he’d had daydreams that Sarah might be driving to the wedding venue with them, and now he was trying not to think about the fact that she was very likely still in the block of flats he was parked outside. He was also trying not to think about the texts burning a hole in his notifications bar.

Sarah: Can we talk?

And an hour after that:

Sarah: Please?

She probably just wanted to make sure he still planned to keep their secret. As if he had any interest in discussing his burning wreck of a romantic life with the most disgustingly in love people in existence.

Erik glanced at him, the hard slant of his eyebrows softening slightly. ‘It looks good,’ he said quietly.

Damn him for seeing through Alex’s shit when he wanted to.

‘Thanks.’ And it was in the spirit of that olive branch that Alex said, ‘I forgot to take my meds this morning. Can you grab them out the glove compartment?’

Erik retrieved the small white box and was halfway through opening the side tab when he froze. ‘Alex.’ His voice was so quiet, Alex had to strain to hear it. ‘This is for ADHD.’

‘Yep.’ Alex watched as the knuckles around his steering wheel turned a shade whiter.

‘When?’

‘My whole life, if you believe—’

‘Dammit, Alex, when did you get diagnosed?’ Erik didn’t sound angry, just tired. Slightly hurt.

Abby was uncharacteristically quiet as she sat in the back seat. When Alex checked the rearview mirror, he could see her eyes flitting between them, her bottom lip caught between her teeth.

‘Last year.’

Erik’sfuckwas barely audible. Groaned into the hand he scrubbed over his face. ‘The masking,’ he muttered, when his hand was back in his lap. Finally, one of the small white pills Alex had trained himself to dry-swallow—forgetting to carry water around wasn’t an excuse if you didn’t need water to take your meds—appeared in front of him. ‘I should have realised.Ishould have realised what it meant that you put so much energy into masking. Do Mum and Dad—’

‘No,’ Alex said quickly. ‘I didn’t want them to think—I don’t wantyouto think—this is anyone’s fault for not noticing or—’ He paused. Took a breath. Counted to five. ‘Forty percent of men are only diagnosed in adulthood.’ A stat from his doctor, when he’d asked if he, Alex, should have seen the signs earlier—because he sure as hell hadn’t expected anyone else to—especially given what he knew about neurodiversity thanks to Erik. ‘Only my doctor knows. And—’

Andher. Who he had absolutely forbidden himself from mentioning.

Erik nodded in his periphery. ‘Okay. I—Fuck.Look, I realise you’ve been looking after yourself just fine without me knowing, but if you ever want to talk, remember I know what it’s like to feel your brain actively working against you. And…and I know what it’s like to think you have to hide parts of yourself to make the world accept you.’

There was no earthly way he could stay angry at his little brother—face scrunched like a sad puppy with big eyes—when he said shit like that, and Alex was thankful for the distraction of the road ahead so he could look way as he responded. ‘Thanks.’

After another few minutes in silence, Erik said, barely audible, ‘I’m sorry. For the other night, and for then.’

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