Page 79 of Midnight Wishes

‘Can we talk?’ Now that she had his attention, her voice was quieter than he’d expected.

With a huff, Alex started walking again, stopping only when Sarah sped to appear in front of him. He knew he was acting like a child, but god, everything inside him fucking hurt with her standing so close.

‘At least listen to me.’

He could do this. One last twist of the knife to remind him they were an astronomically bad idea.Closure.So he stood in place. Arched one eyebrow.

‘I’m sorry for making you think I didn’t care about you. About us.’

He said nothing, even if her words tugged at him, desperate for them to be true.

‘Spending time with you is the happiest I’ve been in ages. Not the sex, although that’s pretty fucking phenomenal,’ Sarah said. A small part of him wanted to smile at that, but he resisted, face remaining stony. ‘You know what I’ve missed this week, Alex? More than the actual sex, I’ve missed how you always find a way to make me laugh after. I’ve missed you sending me dumb art memes as an excuse to start a conversation so you can ask about my day. I’ve missed—’ She took a breath. ‘I’ve missed your smile. Not your smirk, although I think I love that too.’

She didn’t mean it. Not that word. Not the way he did. Even if hearing it made his heart kick up a notch.

‘Your real smile. When you’re happy and relaxed, not just amused. You don’t let a lot of people see it, I think. But you let me.’

Because hehadrelaxed around her. Because he’d felt safe with her.Him.Not everything he projected.

‘If you don’t still want me, why did you touch me earlier?’

Alex stiffened. He’d hoped she’d write it off as an accident. ‘I didn’t.’

‘When you gave me the mic.’ Sarah’s eyes were shrewd, assessing him, watching for a lie.

‘That was a mistake.’

‘It wasn’t.’

‘How would you know?’ he shot back.

‘Because I know you, Alex. I may not know shit like your favourite colour or movie or the first time you broke a bone. But I knowyou. The way you move. How intentional it is. You don’t do things by accident. I know other things too. The way you laugh and how much you love Celine and the way you go through life lying to people so they won’t see you. But you let me. And god, Alex, what a gift.

‘You’re gorgeous and charming and funny and everything you want people to think. But you are so much more to me. And if this is it… If you can’t find your way back to me, if you really don’t want me, I still want to thank you for letting me in.’

Sarah wore a soft smile as she spoke. It made him desperate to believe her, but he couldn’t stop picturing her face when she’d spoken about moving to Barcelona. How okay she’d been with leaving him after—

‘But if there’s the slightest chance, I don’t want this to be over,’ she said, interrupting his thoughts.

And a week ago, he would have jumped at the chance to keep sleeping with her. At the thought of more time to convince her they could be something. But now…

‘Fuck that,’ he snapped. ‘I’m not going to keep sleeping with you while you wait for someone you think is worth giving more to. I l—’ He kicked at a rock, swallowing the word that had been threatening each time he saw her. ‘I like you too much to do that to myself.’ It may have been his last shred of self-respect, but he was going to cling to it.

‘Alex.’ Her tone was warmer now, and he hated that he knew every inflection of her voice. ‘You haven’t been listening, have you?’

Another rock. A scuff appeared on the soft leather of his shoe.

‘Alex.’ Her bare feet moved into his field of vision. ‘How could you hear my speech and not think I like you? I like you so much.’

‘Yeah. Sure.’ He looked up, refusing to be overwhelmed by her wide eyes. Her plush lips. ‘That’s why you wanted to move a thousand miles away from me. And while we’re on that, how does Barcelona fit into all this? You want me to keep your bed warm for a month until you leave?’

‘I’m not going.’

It took a moment for her calm, measured response to filter into his brain. And then he was inexplicably pissed. Because without the possibility of Barcelona, he could have had another week with her. He wouldn’t have known how easy it was for her to consider leaving him. And now she was going to be here, and he’d have to see her all the time, and that ache filling his chest would never go away.

‘Why not?’

‘Because someone I care a lot about said I was better than that.’ Her eyes, normally ripping into him, were so tender in the moonlight, but he couldn’t bring himself to soften, to let her see him open and exposed like he’d become accustomed to.

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