Page 1 of Happily Undead in Dark River

Chapter One

When I woke up this morning, I didn’t think I would be playing croquet with flamingos and eating jelly donuts, but that’s just the way it was when I visited Nico for our compulsory counseling sessions. I was beginning to think that Nico might suffer from some kind of existential ennui, being so old and stuff, or maybe he just liked being quirky? Either way, I never knew what to expect when I walked through the electric pink waiting room. Would it be a serious session where he’d delve into my emotions, how I felt about being turned into a vampire, betrayed by the woman I called a friend, almost murdering my boyfriend? Or would we be blowing full body bubbles and trying to trap each other in them?

Today we were in the town square. Nico aimed his giant pink flamingo mallet and hit the ball against the peg. “Yes! I won. As the kids would say, in your face, Raine!”

He spun around and around with his mallet above his head, looking so completely ridiculous that I had to laugh. Nico was competitive, especially when it came to bizarre sports. “That’s very bad sportsmanship, Nico. You should work on that.”

He grinned, showing huge fangs. He held out his hand, and I shook it. He was ancient but he didn’t feel that way. His hand was warm and strong. Rough in a way that said he lived the hard life of a barbarian when he was younger. In the soft evening light, I could see the pale rows of the tattoos on his face that spiraled down his body, a whirling geometric pattern that I kind of wanted to trace. He was boyishly handsome, but that innocence belied a power that could consume a person.

I pulled my hand away, clearing my throat. Four. That was the number of men I had at home, cherishing me every chance I got. I did not need to make it five. I started packing up the croquet set, humming It’s Raining Men under my breath. Nico watched me for a moment, then helped me collect the rest of the hoops.

“So I hear tonight is the big night for you and the Sheriff,” he said conversationally. I nearly tripped over my feet. He was careful not to make it a direct question. Nico’s vampire gift was terrifying really. If he asked you a direct question, you could only answer with the truth. There were some truths I wasn’t ready to answer just yet.

I nodded. “Yes, he’s finally taking me on that date he promised me a month ago.”

And hopefully, we’d take our relationship to the next level. We’d yet to hit that home run, and I was beginning to think he just liked torturing me with his body.

Although, he had been busy. Dark River was getting a visit from the Vampire Nation, and a full complement of Enforcers, which was the vampire version of The Babadook. Everyone was busy making sure there was nothing that would draw the gaze of Lucius, who I discovered was one of the elected heads of the Vampire Nation and an all-around sadistic a-hole.

“He is a good man, your Sheriff. I am glad he has taken the time to woo you properly.”

I made a general noise of agreement and hoped that was the end of this line of inquiry. Not that I was embarrassed by Walker, but Nico was… well, Nico. He was an enigma, and I could never be sure if he liked me as a friend or wanted something more.

I cleared my throat again. “Are you prepared for the Vampire Nation?” It had become a bit of a catchphrase around town lately, as people went about their lives with a giant ACME anvil hanging over their heads.

Nico made a rude noise in the back of his throat as he held the door to his office open for me. “I am not worried about Lucius or his arrival. He will be disdainful of what we’ve created here, no matter how hard we polish the town. It is just his nature.”

I raised my eyebrow. “You sound like you’ve met him?”

Nico just gave me another enigmatic look and continued back toward his office. I sighed. “You know, I’d like your interrogation power sometimes. It would be nice not to be in the dark all the time.”

He gave me a sad look over his shoulder as he packed away the equipment. “Do you really mean that?”

“No.” The word was out of my mouth before I could stop it. “I think the world is run on little white lies, and the truth all the time would crush a person. You’d have to always be on guard.”

With a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, he shut the door on the equipment cupboard and my questioning. “Exactly.”

When he turned back to face me though, his normal congenial look was back in place. “You should go and get ready for your date, Raine. I hope your night is filled with happiness and romance.”

With that, he walked into his office and shut the door. I had a feeling I’d made him mad, or hurt his feelings or something. Normally I would have brought him a unicorn poop cupcake from The Immortal Cupcake, but Angeline was still gone and the store remained closed.

My heart ached thinking about Angeline and the reason she left. Alice’s death. I choked back the feeling and stepped back out onto the sidewalk. Brody was there to meet me, like always. The smile on his face chased away any bad feelings.

He wrapped me in his arms and nuzzled my neck. I laughed as his long dark hair tickled my face. “Brody! You’re back!”

He’d gone back to his Pack to warn them that Lucius and the vampire nation were coming, taking Tex with him. I missed my shapeshifters. Especially Tex, because he was also my housemate. I’d gotten used to him moving around the house, playing his guitar, leaving his towels on the floor. I didn’t want to tell the guys, but being alone gave me anxiety after Alice’s attack a month ago. Luckily, four boyfriends meant that I was rarely alone.

Brody kissed me hungrily, and I kissed him back. “I’m back. So is Loverboy. I left him in the car because I’m Alpha and I wanted to make out with you first. Did I abuse my position? Why yes, yes I did. Besides, he can go make kissy face with Judge.”

I could hear Tex’s heartbeat behind me and I grinned. “I will, but first I wanted to see my Mate,” he whispered close to my ear. Brody let out a grumbling growl, but he was grinning against my lips.

“That’s it. That’s the last time I crack the window for him,” he grumbled.

I was whirled in Brody’s arms until Tex had me pressed against his chest. “Hello, Mate.” He whispered it like a promise of dirty, dirty things. “Did you miss me?”

I kissed his chin and then sucked his full lower lip between my teeth. “I missed you more than you can imagine. No one snored on the other side of the bed and I actually got a full ten hours sleep.”

Brody laughed, and Tex smiled. “That mouth.” He kissed me hard and then slid his hand down to mine. “Well, I missed you. Especially that thing you do with your tongue.”

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