Page 25 of Happily Undead in Dark River

My eyelids got heavy and I yawned too. Before I knew it, I was drifting off to sleep in a house filled with people who wanted to be my boyfriend. What the fuck was my life right now?

Chapter Thirteen

The Vampire Nation caused mayhem. They’d been here for days, and I’d been basically confined to my cabin with one or more of the guys in constant attendance. Just in case. Judge and X had been missing most of the time, off doing reconnaissance or something. Most of the time it was Brody and Tex, sometimes Walker during the day. Every night, they would all converge on my tiny cottage, and I’d rotate between sleeping between Judge and Tex, and sleeping between Brody and Walker. Walker hadn’t repeated the sexual shenanigans of the other night, but sometimes I would catch him staring at me with a look so hot it threatened to brand my skin. X continued to sleep on the couch, and he hadn’t tried to kiss me again. Maybe I’d scared him off? I know if someone suggested I share a boyfriend with four other women, I would tell them where to stick it.

Maybe X was right. Maybe I did have a magical vagina. Maybe that was my vampiric superpower. Apparently, after a certain age, we all got them. Nico’s was obviously compelling someone to speak the truth, but he was old as hell and I had no doubt he had many, many others. Walker apparently drew energy from the high emotions of others, which is why his eyes always glowed whenever he was horny. He was legitimately soaking in my lustiness. X had orgasmic venom. I wasn’t sure what Judge’s ability was, and he wouldn’t tell me, so I could only assume it was bad. He always shut down completely when I asked, and no one else would tell me either. X had to know. They’d been partners for decades.

Today, they decided to let me leave my cottage, and only because both X and Judge were with me, as well as Brody and Tex. Walker was trying to reassure the citizens of Dark River that everything was under control.

In all honesty, it wasn’t. There had to be close to fifty Enforcers in town, and they were wreaking havoc. As I walked toward the diner, I saw vampires with human pets pressed against walls, drinking from them in full view of the public, flaunting the very foundation that the town was built on. Another pair were throwing something up in the air and shooting them down with bullet spray. Judging by the cracking noise, it seemed like someone's fine china. I grabbed Tex’s hand and pulled him closer to me. I’d kill these murderous bastards without a thought, and that made me a hypocrite. The inside of Bert and Beatrice’s diner was basically empty. We sat at one of the booths, an extra table propped at the end. A harried and super pissed off looking Beatrice came over to take our order.

I reached out and squeezed her forearm. “How are you doing?” I whispered.

“Oh, just fine Lass. What can I get you?” Beatrice smiled back, but her eyes said she wanted to stab every single Enforcer in the town in the eye with a spoon. “Just to let you know, we are using paper plates for the foreseeable future.” Her tone was nothing but pleasant, but I could sense the underlying curse in her words. I guess we knew who’s china they were shooting in the square now.

I ground my back teeth, forcing myself to sound as pleasant as she did. The only other faces in town were strangers to me, so probably Enforcers. “Just the usual, thanks, Beatrice. Give my love to Bert.”

She patted my shoulder. “Will do, Lass. The same all around?” We all nodded, even though X hadn’t been here long enough to have a usual dish. Beatrice would figure it out.

I didn’t miss that I was closest to the wall, and the guys spread out in a V around me. X sat at the end, the last line of defense.

X also didn’t give a ‘feckin’ pigs arse’– direct quote – that the enforcers were here. “Did you know they tore apart the quilting circles quilts? What did they think they were hiding in there? Fairies? Brainless twats,” he said loudly, and the Enforcers all stiffened. But none of them stood against him.

Apparently, X was the reason that Enforcers had such a terrifying reputation. He would appear in your room in the darkness, stake you in your sleep, and slink back out again. None of this bully bullshit. Usually, Judge was there as well, earning themselves their reputation. Miranda was there too, but I was doing my best not to think about that.

Judge just quirked a brow, staring down an Enforcer that got to his feet. He walked past our table, his eyes staring hatred in our direction. “Traitors,” he cursed, and spat at X, the globule missing his head, but landing on the table. X was on his feet faster than even my vampiric gaze could follow, grabbing the Enforcer by the throat and pinning him to the wall. The vamp tried to swing at him, but X was strong and had a huge reach.

X’s fangs were exposed as he snarled at the Enforcer. “Excuse me? I must have misheard.”

“I said you are a fucking traitor, Executioner,” he mocked. “You and him both. A joke. A fucking urban legend with no substance.”

Judge stood too this time, and I gave a relieved breath that he was going to break it up. I was going to be disappointed though; he just walked over to the front door and locked it ominously.

I gave an annoyed huff. Lord save me from testosterone overload. I scooted out of the booth, only a fraction quicker than Brody’s restraining hand. I was beside X in a second, my hand wrapping around his bulging forearm. Woo boy. I needed a moment to push my flaring libido way, way down. Now was not the time to get all drippy over sexy man arms.

“Put the nice Enforcer down and send him on his way, X. They are trying to bait you, and they really need to try harder than a little bit of saliva.”

The Enforcer snarled at me like a rabid animal. “How about I bend you over and fuck you in front of all your gay boyfriends, Whore.”

Well, I was not known for my good decision-making skills, but my mother would have been proud. Instead of punching him in the dick like I desperately wanted to do, I just smiled.

Then I grabbed the sides of his pants, yanking hard and pantsing him in front of everyone. “Sorry Twinkle Dick. You’re not packing much of a threat in those chinos.”

Okay, so I still wasn’t going to be known for my good decision-making skills or my witty comebacks. But damn it was satisfying watching him blush.

Just to make my point, I tore his pants into a million little pieces. They ripped like paper and honestly, it was kind of therapeutic. I threw what was left in the air like confetti. “Bet you wish you weren’t wearing a muscle shirt now, huh? Walk of shame is gonna be awkward as fuck.”

X dragged him to the front door and threw him bodily along the ground. Gravel rash on your dick was no laughing matter, kids.

I slid back into the booth, and X looked at me grumpily. You wouldn’t even know that I probably just saved him from an Enforcer style Kangaroo court and execution. Again. “It’s like you are trying to paint a big target sign your ass.”

I huffed with exasperation. “Did you just call my ass big?”

Brody chuckled but didn't chime in. He loved my butt. “You have a delightful bottom and I’d much rather it not be at the mercy of the Enforcers or Lucius because you have some kind of savior complex.”

My eyebrows got so comically wide, I could feel them basically at my hairline. “Excuse me? I have the savior complex?” I pointed my finger at his chest. “I’ll have you know, I don’t need saving either, so how about we both cut out the White Knight shit and we’ll all be happy.” He raised a single brow. Fine. “Fine, I don’t need saving often. Just keep the machismo in your pants.”

Beatrice returned to the table and set down a huge cake in the center. Then three bowls of cheesy fries and four steaks with a garden salad.

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