The kid’s eyes got real big and shiny then and I thought she was going to cry. “Oh. That is sad. I’d be sad too. Don’t tell Marco or Sammie but I sometimes get sad because Mommy and Dad are gone but it’s not because I want them back, and they aren’t dead. I just sometimes remember and feel sad, you know? But I think it's okay to be sad. Just not forever.”
Jesus. This kid was slaying me right now.
“Pass me a nut,” I grunted, pointing to the piece I wanted, hoping to distract her from her Mini-Doctor Phil antics.
“I think you should love Sera too and then she would love you back and make your sad go away.
Then she could have five husbands, and one could cook, and the other could mow the lawn, and one could make her pancakes, and the other one could look after the baby, and the last one could vacuum the floor because vacuuming is the worst. I hate the noise. I can’t wait for Sera to have her baby. Do you think I’ll be able to hold it? Sammie says babies are small and break easy but I think I’m big enough to hold a baby.” She took a deep breath but didn’t actually stop speaking. “I like it here.
Sweetie makes the best pancakes and has a really cool name and she and Shots sometimes kiss. I think Shots is a funny name, like who has a name like Shots? Guess it's not as funny as Trigger though. I like Trigger. I think I might marry him one day.” I looked over at her, frowning. She was bright pink. “Do you think Trigger would marry me one day?”
I huffed. “Not if he likes all his teeth.”
Cara nods sagely. “I don’t think I’d like him if he didn’t have all his teeth. Kenny used to come to the same park as me and he was Sammie's age and he lost all his teeth at once and looked like an
alien. They grew back but even then he looked like a weird rabbit.”
The back door burst open and Sera came out. “Cara! There you are. I was worried,” she said softly, walking toward us, taking in the scene. I shut my face down, locking down tight any thoughts I might have about the woman in front of me until my face was impassive. She looked down at the girl, her hands on her hips, her stomach protruding in front of her like a beach ball. “You can’t just wander out here. It’s not safe.”
Cara set her tiny shoulders, an equally stern expression on her face. “I was helping Goliath with his bike,” she said, except she pronounced Goliath like Go-wi-af. It was kinda cute, but I wouldn’t admit it under pain of fucking death.
Instead I looked up from where I was working. “You can call me G,” I said to the kid, and she beamed.
Sera, I mean the woman, smiled softly at us both. “Come on. We better go and tell Marco that you’ve been found before he sends out a search party.” The girl huffed but stood up.
“I’ll help you another time, okay?” she said seriously, and I just nodded. The woman opened the door for Cara, who waved and ran inside.
“I’m sorry about that. I’ll tell her to give you more space.”
I shrugged. “It was fine.”
I didn’t look at her. When I looked into her eyes, it made me feel raw, like I was picking at a scab.
She let the door shut again. “Goliath?”
I dragged my eyes up to meet hers, keeping my face impassive. “What?”
“Thank you for looking after her.” She paused. “And looking after me. I never really thanked you.
You looked out for me even when you couldn’t stand to look at me. I appreciate that. I’m going to try and make it easier for you, after the baby is born. Maybe find an apartment close by or something.”
Her words tore at me when they should have made me happy. That should be warning enough. She had to go, before she caused me more pain. I’d already lost the last piece of Laura to her, lost Judas. I couldn’t lose myself too. I couldn’t come back from that.
“Good,” is all I said, but refused to look at her big sad eyes.
I didn’t watch her walk away, didn’t look up until the back door clicked shut. I felt like shit.
“Fuck!” I shouted.
I stood, eating up the distance between my bike and the door in a few short strides. I wrenched the door open, and tried not to think about how relieved that she was only a few steps away.
She startled at the sound of the door, spinning on her heel too fast. She wobbled, and I reached her in a single stride, grabbing her arms and straightening her. “My reluctant savior,” she said, smiling sadly. I shook my head, stepping closer. “I don’t want you to go after the baby is born. Stay as long as you want.” It came out roughly, but it was my default and I couldn’t fucking help it.
She looked at me with violet eyes that seemed to see too much. “This is your home, Goliath. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable in your own home.”
I stepped toward her a little more, crowding her until she backed away towards the wall. I chased her body with mine. I couldn’t help it. “My Brothers love you. You need to stay. I won’t take that from them again.”
She tilted her head. “Is that the only reason?”