Page 41 of Dodging Bullets

“My own Alpha feels quite interested in you. Even before Polly, when the madness still rode me, you made him feel clear-headed when we’d barely gotten moments of clarity in years. I think what I’m trying to say is that if you feel willing, my Pack would like to court you. After Polly’s heat, I mean. I don’t want to rush you, and I feel like you should have all the information before you decide.”

Rio was stiff beside me, but he didn’t try to stop what I was saying. He hadn’t interrupted at all, and I knew I’d been right. He wanted August, but would never have made the move.

August’s gaze was running all over my face, and I wondered what he saw. Did he see the wounds beneath the surface? Did he see the mental shrapnel damage?

A small squeeze of his hand on my arm told me he was listening. Sucking in a deep breath, I ripped off the barely healing scab and let my wounds bleed. “I came into my designation young. I was an extremely strong Alpha, and Rio and Max felt like Pack really early on. I bonded both of them before they even came into their designation. It was a big scandal, but we never understood. How could they not see that we were the same person spread over three bodies? Bonding between Alphas was a little more taboo a decade ago, and bonding when you were a teen made the society Packs clutch their pearls. But what was done was done, and no one could say anything about it.”

Our parents had been disapproving at first, but there was nothing that could break a Packbond, and it wasn’t like Max and Rio had been unknowns. We’d been close for years.

I cleared the lump from my throat. “I think it was because we had the bondbeforehis designation that my connection to Rio was different to other Alpha Packs. Stronger. His Alpha had always felt like an extension of mine, or mine was an extension of his. They were intertwined. I’d seen it spark to life down our bond, and it was just… different, I guess.”

That’s what all the Pack theorists had said. Under strict NDAs, at least.

I was surprised when Rio spoke up. “Ever since I’d been a kid, I’d always wanted to join the army. I wanted to be the strongest, most badass person in the room. I wanted to never be weak and small ever again. Joining the Forces had always beenmy goal, and Llew always supported me. Through basic training and then specialist training, he was there, a constant source of strength, both within the Pack and down the bond. When I was weak, I could draw on his strength, perhaps more than what would be considered normal.”

I could see the moment August began to put together the pieces. He knew Rio’s story. He’d been there for his recovery. But I still wanted to put it out there, to air our damage and hope that it would help it heal.

“When he did that second tour and was taken by insurgents, it was the worst fucking time of my life. I could feel his pain down my bond.” I licked my lips. “They tortured him for information that first day. I felt every second of his pain.” The demons threatened to creep in, but there was a huge pulse of happiness down the bond between Polly and me. I sent her the biggest wave of love back, almost an avalanche. We hadn’t said the words, but I always wanted her to know the depths of my feelings. She gave me the strength to continue.

“By day two, I couldn’t take it anymore. I was the lead Alpha in our Pack. I deserved to feel the pain. I took control of the bond—of his Alpha—and essentially, knocked him out. He was there, but he wasn’t. He’d mentally checked out, and I pressed my bond around his and sheltered him from what was happening to his body.”

I’d been there for it, though. Every tiny hurt, every way they tried to extract information from him.

I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat. “But bonds aren’t meant to work that way. It was just circumstance that ours did. The doctors said it was a form of control akin to barking at an Omega. That because I was there at the formation of his designation, I had control over his Alpha too. So when I knocked him out by taking control of the bond and blocking the pain, he was essentially in a coma.”

I clenched my back teeth. “It burned through the bond. By the time he was rescued, the bond was hanging on by the finest thread. The relief of setting him free from his comatose state was the last straw. Our bond broke. It was destroyed, and so was my mind. I turned feral.”

Poor fucking Max. He’d borne the brunt of it all. He’d felt his bond snap, and that pain had been the worst feeling of all, worse than the weeks of torture. He hadn’t slept for weeks trying to find Rio, and when he did, I lost it.

“You survived through his torture, so he didn’t have to,” August said softly. His scent wrapped around me, soothing and sweet. “You would have both had to feel it, except you were able to save the Packmate you loved so much from that pain.” He gave me a sad smile, filled with empathy, which made me want to break down. “You’re a good Alpha, Llewellyn.”

I gave him a shaky but sad smile. “That madness was there for years, although it settled eventually. The rage settled. Memories of the pain dimmed. But the loss of my bonds was always there, a yawning chasm in my chest that nothing filled, not even their presence. We tried to re-bond, but it didn’t work. It was like we’d had this gift and we’d broken it, so we didn’t get a second chance. And then Polly came along.”

“And she filled the chasm.”

My smile this time wasn’t sad. “She did. The madness began to recede immediately. But even with you in the same room as me, the madness ebbed away. The Alpha’s feralness eased, like he hoped you’d come to save him.” I let out a shaky breath. “So that’s it. The big secret. Our baggage laid bare. I wanted to lay it all out before we officially requested to court you.”

I stood, reaching down to squeeze Rio’s hand, hoping I hadn’t overstepped and fucked everything for him. He squeezed it back, and a tension I didn’t realize had been stretching downmy spine finally relaxed. I looked down at him, and he nodded, his eyes shining.

We didn’t talk about what had happened. Not ever. Not when he first came back. Not when he went to therapy. Not when I was lost to the memories and flashbacks that could set me off every day. It was this big bad thing that had sat in the center of our Pack like a grenade.

Apparently, all we’d needed was a sweet little Omega to put a pin back in it, and now we could all move on with our lives.

Rio cleared his throat, thumping me gently on the back as he stood. “Let’s go to the deli. We owe August lunch after all that.”

Maybe now we could heal. I hoped August would be there to see it too.

Twenty-Four

Polly

I’d been nervous to tell the guys that Max and I had… had sex? Made love? That he’d deflowered me?

But Max had just told them matter-of-factly over dinner, and they’d all been really supportive. Honestly, it was kind of bizarre, but it was like they were used to operating as a single entity. Rio had inferred as much; as long as I felt cherished, he didn’t care who was doing the cherishing.

Some things were odd about my new life. The internet. Popcorn that you cooked in the microwave, but not for too long or your house would explode. Infomercials.

But the weirdest thing was that Omegas were beloved. Coveted. They wanted to hear my opinions. Wanted to look me in the eye as I spoke. Wanted to involve me in every aspect of their lives.

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