Page 114 of In the Light of Sin

Heavy debris from the ceiling hit me square on the back, bringing me to my knees. But regardless, I shielded Joslyn, who was looking at me with wide eyes.

“Go.” I knew she couldn’t hear me, and the thick smoke was obscuring her vision. “GO!”

She looked horrified at what I was telling her. This wasn’t the time for watering eyes and trembling lips. I couldn’t stay in this position much longer, not with the heavy debris on my back. I went to the only patch of area that wasn’t filled by flame or smoke. The rest of the house was engulfed with no way out. My eyes were desperate as I pleaded, hoping she saw the words formed on my lips, “Please, Sunshine, go. You need to leave.”

She shook her head, looking at the line of fire in front of her before she inhaled deeply, eyes slamming shut before charging towards me through the fucking fire. Stupid, stupid girl. I tugged her shirt, her loud screams constricting my heart as the skin on her left arm was irritated and bubbling from the heat of the fire. I patted the fire cascading on her arm until it eventually went out, but her arm catching fire was the least of our worries.

The house was falling apart around us. She just had a chance to save herself, but she stupidly ran through literal fire back to me. I grabbed her biceps, shaking her hopelessly as our situation became more bleak. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing!”

Her hand touched my cheek as the tears welling in her eyes spilled over as she loudly declared, not able to hear the volume of her own voice without her hearing aids. “I won’t leave you. If we die, we die together.”

“You have to.” The smoke filled the air between us, the space turning black as I ducked to my knees, taking her with me. Emotions I long suppressed welling up inside of me. “I can’t watch someone else I love die.”

Her eyes widened. She may not have heard my confession, but she read it off my lips as a sob broke free from her throat. Her smile was brighter than the flames surrounding us. “I’d rather burn with you than with your ashes.”

I couldn’t think about her words. Another loud crack in the ceiling had me looking up at the rest of the wooden beam preparing to fall right on top of Joslyn.

I moved quickly, not able to push her out of the way because if I did, I would push her into the flames. Instead, I covered her body with my own, my chest to her back, grunting as the hot and heavy wood singed my back, making me hiss in pain as the burning wood went through my cut and hoodie, burning my flesh.

More material fell from the ceiling. I grunted, trying to stand on my own two feet, but when a heavy ceiling tile fell and hit my head, I fell to my knees harshly, straining to keep myself from crushing Joslyn under my weight. I dipped slightly under the weight. The smoke was growing thicker as the flames raged angrily around us. I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on keeping upright, when I felt delicate hands on my face, pulling me down and lips I’d briefly thought I would never feel again pressed against my own, taking me out of the burning house into her warmth.

I collapsed onto my right side, lips still connected to Joslyn’s as I pulled her to me, letting the flames dance around us.

I didn’t want her to die. She deserved to live a life full of love and memories.

But she stuck herself with a sinner like me, and now she was damned for it.

I knew we weren’t getting out of this now. The flames licked every inch of the room, dancing around us. The embers lit up her face, turning her teary eyes a fiery green as her bottom lip trembled, knowing what was going to happen next. Guilt punched me in the stomach, emotion suffocating me rather than the thick black smoke blanketing us.

“I’m sorry.” I’m glad she couldn’t hear the regret in my voice at failing her. I didn’t even know if she could read my mouth. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry.”

“You were alone when you were burning before.” Her voice was loud over the falling house and crackling fire. How the fuck was her smile brighter than these flames? “I’m here with you now.”

Emotion choked me as I scooted closer to her. If we were going to die, I wanted her in my arms until my lungs filled with smoke. I had so much I wanted to say to her, but I needed to save the air in my lungs.

I put my left hand up, stretching out my fingers. She watched closely as I put my middle and ring finger down, leaving my pinky, pointer, and thumb up. Her chest heaved, face scrunching up, unable to take her tear-filled eyes off my deformed fingers.I love you.

Tears slipped like a waterfall from the corner of her eye, evaporating from the heat surrounding us. She freed her bloody hand from the rubble, placing her middle and ring finger down, copying my hand.I love you.

I felt myself smile for the first time in six years. It was unfamiliar. It was burning.

She reached out, intertwining our pinkies together. “Together?”

I had no words. She would rather die than be without me. Someone as angelic as her damning herself with someone like me. The smoke was intensifying, as well as the debris on my back. I couldn’t speak as Joslyn’s face was being muddled by the black smoke. My chin dipped as I softly whispered, “Together.”

I lowered my face to hers. If the smoke was going to suffocate us, I’d rather our last breaths be wasted on each other’s lips. For once, I wish I was going to Heaven. The thought of being parted from Joslyn was almost unbearable.

She’ll find her way back to you. God won’t be able to stop this woman from finding you.

My lips twitched at the thought. This woman lying by my side, where she belonged, would find me in any afterlife she had to escape from to get to me in Hell.

She loved me…

And I loved her.

“Sorry, I didn’t keep my promise.” She couldn’t read lips through the thickening smoke, my vision turning black like the smog. But it still had to be said. My failure was not lost on me… but at least I would die this time. I wouldn’t live life without her.

At least I would die the way I wanted to but didn’t deserve—with my world in my arms.

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