Page 117 of In the Light of Sin

It’s been a week of comfort and hardships. Dwelling on the agony of the events. Sarge hasn’t left my side. The hospital bed was small, but he maneuvered us in a way we would fit. Him laying flat on his back with my head over his heart. His heartbeat comforted me. It reminded me that my nightmares weren’t real. Even if they felt like it.

We needed some good news, something to break us out of this post-traumatic funk. Hex came in yesterday, signing to me, yes, another member of the Souls that knew sign language, that I’ve healed enough to undergo my cochlear surgery. I didn’t understand the pointed looks to Sarge. They almost seemed like my surgery was a way for Hex to control him. But why?

We were still in the clinic. The only difference is he was beside my bed instead of in it. Hex would be in here anytime to start the procedure. My nerves were shot, fearing the unknown. I looked up to Sarge, speaking to him even if I couldn’t hear his reply. “You’ll be here when I wake up?”

His chin dipped. Warmth rushed in my chest, and I couldn’t help the grin that formed on my lips when his eyes went to my mouth. He held out his hand, his fingers held high before dropping his middle and ring fingers. I looked into his eyes. He was waiting for a response, and I doubted he would leave unless I reciprocated. With the way our luck has gone lately, anything could happen with this surgery.

I would never tire of him telling me he loved me in sign language. I splayed my fingers, kissing each fingertip before pressing them against his. I copied him by lowering my middle and ring finger, returning his gesture of love. His throat bobbed, swallowing whatever emotion only I made him feel.

I couldn’t hear as Hex approached, Sarge dropping his hand with a sneer. Words were exchanged between the two brothers before Hex pointed towards the open door. Sarge’s face whipped to mine, his eyes filled with unease. Not because of my decision. He’s made sure I knew no matter what I decided, he’d be by my side for it all. Just like I was having trouble staying away from him, he was having trouble staying away from me. Hex explained that staying in the room during the operation was a no-go due to infection control. Sarge didn’t want anything to happen to me, especially by his doing, so he relented. My gut told me he would be planted outside the door until I opened my eyes.

Sarge let out a sigh, butterflies beginning to swirl in my stomach.

My broody man’s lips were pulled back, his scowl still directed at Hex. Sarge’s eyes were still locked with his club brother as his upper body dipped, the rough texture of his lips pressing against my forehead before standing up straight. His hands began to move intricately.“I’m keeping my promise.”

I lifted my hands, unable to stop the grin on my face as my fingers moved.“I’ll see you when I’m pain free.”

He leaned forward, lips caressing mine softly before standing to his full height. He didn’t turn and walk out the door. Instead, he walked backward. His eyes never left mine as he backpedaled out of the room, slowly shutting the door until he was out of my sight. Now it was just Hex, I and all the nerves I was feeling. I took a deep breath, eyes closing as I got comfortable on the pillow.

This was it. The moment my life changed forever.

I felt Hex placed something over my mouth. I breathed in the anesthesia deeply, letting my eyes drift closed. A man with two different colored eyes and a scarred left side haunting me.

Like he always has.

* * *

The light burned through my closed eyes. I squeezed them tighter, trying to keep as much light out as possible.

Now, I waited. No one was allowed in my room except for Sarge. I wouldn’t even talk to myself, which was a really bad habit I had. I looked down at my lap, the white sheets I had on before now a pale yellow. Sarge told me I wasn’t allowed to have a white sheet over me anymore.

My lips turned up sadly at the thought. A white sheet was usually associated with death; he didn’t want to see me close to it again.

I saw dark hair and darker eyes in the corner of my vision. I turned to look at Hex, a piece of paper in his hands.Your implants are programmed. Let me know if you have any issues when you talk to Sarge.

I nodded at his sweet gesture. He could’ve easily talked to me, but he went out of his way to let Sarge’s voice be the first one I heard after surgery. I guess Hex could be nice when he wanted to be. He walked out the clinic door, making me restless.

The door opened, making me hold my breath. My heart began to race as his large figure shut the door behind him. He was shirtless, bare chest showing off the expanse of his scarred left side. I was surprised he wasn’t wearing his usual cut-off.

I couldn’t let myself be distracted by his chiseled abs or happy trail. I looked at his face, my eyes burning with anticipation at his face. He didn’t show what he was feeling, taking residence in the chair he was in before my surgery. I was groggy with pain meds, swaying slightly even if I was sitting on the bed. He leaned in, forearm bracing my bicep so I didn’t hit the side rail of the bed. He eyed me seriously, reaching out to grab mine. He’s been more touchy-feely with me since the fire. I loved the attention, but I was worried about the long-term effects the trauma would have on him. He had enough scars, I didn’t want him to bare anymore.

He gave a light push until I was centered, my heart racing, waiting for him to deliver his promise. His dark eye softened, his hands dragging up my arms before settling on his cheeks. My hands circled his wrists. My breathing stalled, eyes lowering to his scarred lips. “It’s me, Sunshine.”

I choked up. The tears threatened to fall. My eyes looked into his.

It didn’t hurt.

“It doesn’t hurt Darin.” Even my own voice was slightly clearer. His lips flattened, emotion swirling in his right eye. Keeping a promise was something important to him… but something he’d never achieved until just now. I never knew hearing could be completely painless. Whenever the pain meds wore off it might be different, but I didn’t care. “It doesn’t hurt.”

The corner of his mouth lifted, a small smile lighting up his face. Those were rare and only reserved for me. I would treasure any he gifted me. His eyes traveled to my left arm. His smile disappeared and his brown eye darkened to almost black. I knew what he was looking at.

Burn marks. Up and down my arm. It wasn’t as extensive as Sarge’s scars, but a good amount of my arm was now an uneven pink color. Every time he looked at them, pain and regret consumed him. He hated his own scars. He thought he was ugly whenever I thought he was the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.

I lightly thumbed the pulse points on his wrists, gaining his attention. “Do you think I’m less beautiful because I have scars?”

He looked pissed that I even thought that. His lips pulled back, showing his teeth as he growled, “You’re fuckin’ gorgeous, Sunshine.”

I tilted my head, giving him my most comforting smile. I already knew the answer to my next question. “Then how come I’m not allowed to think the same of you and your scars?”

---