Page 35 of In the Light of Sin

I felt my heart stop. “What are you talking about, Sarge?”

“You wrecked my fuckin’ garage.” He stood up from the bed, tucking his hands nonchalantly in his pockets even though he was getting angrier by the second. “That car you took and destroyed was somethin’ I worked on with Pops when I was a kid, and it was gifted to me when I turned sixteen. To you, you wrecked a garage door and crashed a car. To me, you ruined one of the only tangible memories I have of my dad.”

That was a punch to the stomach. I never thought of it like that. “I’ll pay you back—“

“I don’t want your money.” He was frustrated, and understandably so. “I want you to get out of my fuckin’ head.”

My eyebrows scrunched together. “Get out of your head?”

“From the moment I wake up, it’s you. The minute I go to sleep? You.” Now, I was starting to see Sarge’s mindset; I was plaguing him just like he was plaguing me. “I want me. I want my space. I. Don’t. Want. You.”

With each harsh word was another lash at my heart. He began to walk out of the room, causing me to panic. I hopped off the bed, barely remembering to fix my pants before chasing after him. He was making his way to his living area, and my heart was racing with fear of him walking out the door and keeping true to whatever stupid thought he had about trying to get rid of me. “You just had your tongue in my pussy, and you’re going to tell me you don’t want me?”

“You’re a good time.” His sharp words sliced me down the middle like a razor blade. He turned casually, tone losing its anger even though a hint of it was still there. He was trying to mask his feelings, but he couldn’t hide it from me. “Nothin’ more.”

He had a permanent poker face with that hood. You couldn’t see what was affecting him. But I knew he could see how his hurtful words tore me up from the inside out. He was the one who volunteered himself to watch me at the party. He was the one who forced me back to his cabin, doing nothing to make me feel like I belonged anywhere but with him…

How could I have known he didn’t want me when his actions showed me the exact opposite?

A booming knock at the front door has us both snapping our eyes in that direction, breaking our frozen stand-off. Mitchell let himself in the door, strolling casually, “Hey, brother.”

Sarge didn’t respond as Mitchell directed his charming grin towards me. Still shaking with what felt like betrayal, I couldn’t return to my usual sunny disposition. Glancing between Sarge and me quickly, he decided to move forward with the conversation. “Ready to go?” He asked, bringing his skeptical eyes back to me. “Nyla would have come, but she’s at home making your favorite for dinner.”

“I don’t want to go with you.” I tried so hard to be a light presence in a dark storm. But sometimes I broke.

This was one of those times.

“Don’t get a choice.” Now, Sarge decided to speak up, his tone firm and finite. “Go with Grim willingly, or I’ll throw you over my fuckin’ shoulder.”

“You sure about that?” I taunted, my deeply wounded anger starting to spill through the cracks of armor. “You’re going to willingly touch me for something other than fucking me? You just fuck me and throw me out like I’m some goddamn whore? Treat me like trash like everyone else?”

“Should I be hearing this?” Mitchell gingerly asked, taking a few careful steps backward into the hallway. His wide hazel eyes bounced nervously between the two of us.

Sarge didn’t answer me, body still standing rigid, arms firmly crossed over his broad chest. My throat burned with the threat of tears as I finally broke. “Do you know how many people have hurt me, Sarge? Used me and thrown me away immediately after? I’ve honestly lost count. But I knew those men and their intentions upfront. I knew what I was to them. I could mentally prepare myself for whatever blows they would throw. You? You–” I slammed my mouth shut as he charged me like a bull, throwing me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. “Sarge!”

A searing slap radiated from my ass. Did he just.. spank me? “Shut. Up.”

“Did you just spank me?”

No response. Mitchell remained silent and wide-eyed as he opened the door with all the grace of a silent butler, letting in a blast of crisp night air. Mitchell’s car was still running. Figures. Sarge showed no remorse as he ripped open the back door of the car, tossing me inside and making quick work of trying to buckle me in. His fingers brushed along my legs as he reached across me, making us both pause. Our heaving breaths are the only sound to hone in on. He shook his head, seeming to come to his senses. My hope for him to change his mind fleeted away as he ripped his touch away from me again. But I’d never been one to give up until every avenue was exhausted.

“Please don’t do this. Don’t push me away.” I looked up at him, dread sinking into my stomach. My eyes burned with my plea, “Please don’t make me go.”

He froze, hand gripping the door frame. A beat passed where I thought maybe I would change his mind. A second later, he growled, slamming his fist down on top of the car. As soon as the car door slammed shut, I knew it was over. I’ll never forget that sequence of sounds. Each loud bang is like a baseball bat to the heart. I’ll never forget the sound.

They were the sounds of Sarge making his choice.

And his choice was to let me go.

“It’ll be okay, Jos.” Mitchell’s pathetic man comfort as he got in the driver’s seat only worked to piss me off. I shot my tear-streaked glare at him, then quickly back to Sarge’s dark form outside the car. “Sarge just doesn’t play nice with others. He doesn’t…” I tuned him out as I let my thoughts consume me entirely.

‘He played pretty nice while his head was between my thighs not even an hour ago.’I thought bitterly as we started to pull away, never letting my eyes stray away from Sarge.

His head wasn’t between your thighs playing nice with you this morning. I thought bitterly as we pulled away. As we drove further down the driveway, I glanced out the back window, seeing him turn sharply back toward the cabin. With every step he took, he ripped more and more of the splintered pieces I’d so unknowingly given him away. Even if he said he didn’t want me, I knew at that moment I was his to ruin. When his cabin was finally out of view, I broke. Reality sunk in when we took a sharp turn back onto the highway, and I let my body melt into the backseat.

He really didn’t want me.

No one did.

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