Page 127 of I'm Not Your Pet

The nightmares were a testament to that.

I was concerned—and empathetic—but the part of me that had never been loved, that had never even left the city he’d grown up in, was elated to visit my new home for the very first time. And with every day that passed, that home grew closer, and the likelihood that we’d be attacked grew slimmer.

Some of the humans asked about returning “home” to Earth. Which had caused me a lot of mixed feelings. Ushuu, thankfully, had explained that wasn’t possible. I hadn’t wanted to be the one to broach that subject. Truthfully, I didn’t know how.

Though I’d become kind of a defacto leader for the small group of Earthlings, I was still just…me. The only leadership positions I’d ever had had been for the chess and robotics clubs back home, and that felt like a lifetime ago. I was doing my best, but there was only so much I could do.

I seemed to be one of a select few who felt no remorse at the discovery that we would not be returning to the place of our origin. I wasn’t a good actor, and I didn’t think I could believably fake being sad about it for long.

Truthfully, even if I’dhadthe means to return to Earth, I had no interest in doing that. My life there had been like peeking through a pinhole. I couldn’t see the possibilities, not with my vision so limited.

Now I could.

My world had expanded. There were endless adventures, endless opportunities. If I’d thought the planet and customers on F’ukYuu were fascinating, the universe and species outside it was infinitely more so.

Even more than that though…it was the little things that enticed me to stay. Not the extraordinary. Not the stars, or the space travel, or the exploration.

But the mornings in bed. Days spent incorporated into the pattern of Roark’s life.

I could envision our future as easily as I saw the view from the helm spread inky black and glittery. And it was a beautiful, wonderful thing to be so enchanted by the way a person snored, or the way he held himself stiff and at attention, or the way he was ready to give his life for the people he loved.

I’d learned a lot of things while out in space.

But the most important thing I’d learned was that happiness tasted like Roark’s laughter.

It was a precious thing.

And it needed protecting, just like he did.

Even if the person I was protecting him from was himself. I did my best to distract him—using my arsenal of lingerie and new toys to entice and tease. And for a few hours each night, it worked. He’d smile, he’d spend time with me, we’d fuck and fall into bed.

But every night, like clockwork, when I lay curled inside his arms, doing my best to comfort him—it was never enough. The humminghelped, but that was only at first. Eventually, I’d succumb to sleep, and Roark’s nightmares would return with a vengeance.

Several weeks in, Roark had given up resting at all.

And I was out of new lingerie to distract him with.

He’d lay with me, yes, but he’d remain stiff as a board. Blue eyes, unseeing, stared up at the stars on the ceiling, and as far as I knew—they never shut. His demons refused to let him free. Not when he had such precious cargo aboard.

I got the feeling he thought he had to face them alone.

But he didn’t.

Not anymore.

I was thinking about that fact, my heart tied in knots as Ushuu spoke softly. I knew what Ushuu was to Roark, but even before that I’d always shown him the utmost respect. As our journey neared its end, I hung on his every word, listening to everything he taught me with rapt attention.

Ushuu was brilliant.

He knew things.

Crazy-ass space-y things.

About tech, and biology, and more recently since the humans had boarded—the fuel he created on the ship to replenish the supply when we were running low between ports. According to Ushuu, it was a volatile substance—highly poisonous—and the most important thing he produced.

Roark had fueled up when we were on Sha’hPihn, but that didn’t mean we wouldn’t run low. It was better to be prepared than sorry. That was Ushuu’s favorite thing to say. He said it all the time. About everything—including how high he piled his plate full of snacks to get him through the day.

There were big empty vats for “Ushuu’s special fuel” lining the back of the lab. Briar and I had worn hazmat suits to get them into place—and Ushuu had activated a holo-shield to act as a guard between them and the rest of the lab, so no one could accidentally knock into them during the period when we were finishing brewing the viscous substance.

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