Page 56 of I'm Not Your Pet

I figured if I could prove to Roark I was useful, he’d want to keep me around, even after we reached wherever it was that we were going.

Not that I could tell him that.

But…maybe soon?

Maybe we could have a real conversation—if he kept attending lessons.

With a sigh I scrubbed my hands over my eyes as I tried to make sense of my messy feelings. One thing was certain. I was an asshole. I had jumped to conclusions, chased Roark down like an absolute dick, and worst of all—I’d shat all over his trust.

He deserved better.

He really did.

He wastrying. He was trying harder than anyone in my life had ever tried for me before. And it made me feel weirdly squirmy and warm all over when I thought about how seriously adorable he’d just been. So stoic, so careful as he repeated words back to Ushuu, his blue eyes full of frustration—like he wanted to learnfasterso he could talk to me, and he was angry at himself for not catching on more quickly.

A memory surfaced, uninvited.

A memory I hadn’t revisited in a long, long time.

It’d been my sixteenth birthday. I’d thrown a party for myself—because I wasn’t stupid enough to expect my parents to throw one for me. Sixteen was abignumber, right? It was the one youcelebrated with friends and family. The biggest birthday aside from eighteen and twenty-one.

I was still hopeful then.

Which was why I’d told my mom six months in advance about my party plans, just to make sure she cleared her schedule.

I even went as far as to ask my dad’s secretary to remind him. He liked to think he was important because he had a secretary, even though he was one of the lowest performing lawyers at his firm. Probably because he kept alcohol in his water bottle, and didn’t know what day it was most of the time. He’d inherited the job because it was his father’s company, not on any merit of his own—but that didn’t mean he wasn’t arrogant.

Every time I’d asked him to come to something when I was little his reply had been “tell my secretary” and he’d said it like he was the goddamn president. I’d never minded humoring him, not when it made him happy. Even though asking his secretary usually didn’t do any good, either.

Dad had come to my science faironce.

And he’d left before he’d even seen my project.

His work had always been more important to him than I was.

So I wasn’t sure why I was surprised when my birthday arrived, and neither of my parents were home. I spent all morning preparing the dining room to host guests, still hoping.

I’d been reminding both my parents about this forweeks.

When I thought about how much hope I’d placed in them, it seemed silly. Like any good scientist, I should’ve hypothesized based on evidence previously gathered. But at the time I was sixteen. And it was my birthday—and I just…

I let all my doubts fly out the window, one final time.

For the first few hours I’d naively figured both my parents were running late.

Thatthiswas part of an elaborate surprise.

That they’d appear with a dinosaur cake to match my “coming of age” theme—the one I’d spent weeks crafting prehistoric decorations for. That they’d yell “surprise!” And we’d laugh andlaugh, and it’d be like one of the sitcoms I watched when I was alone after school. Except better. Because it wasreal. And they really cared. And they’d show me that?—

They’d see me—and I’d feelloved.

But when the party was supposed to start and no one showed up, not even Donald from chess club, or Ned from League For Battery Fueled Assassins, it felt like something inside me withered and died. All the other teens I’d invited had colorful excuses: the football game that night, a math test tomorrow, they forgot they had to do something, blah, blah, blah.

And I hadn’t cared.

I honestlyhadn’t.

Because my parents were the guests of honor. And I knew they would come. Iknewthey would. Because they’dpromised. And even though they weren’t the most attentive parents in the world, they weren’t cruel.

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