Page 93 of I'm Not Your Pet

“Will do,” I said, needing space more than anything—not that I’d be rude enough to tell him that.

Ushuu gave me one last amused-slash-worried look before he left the bathroom—and me, alone. The second I could, I pushed the door shut after him. Locking it with a flick of my wrist, I laid my head against its cool surface and took a ragged breath.

I want Roark,the little voice in the back of my head whispered as I sunk to my knees and buried my face inside them.

I want Roark.

I need Roark.

Roark, Roark, Roark.

If he was here, this wouldn’t be nearly so scary or overwhelming.

If he was here, maybe I’d be able to breathe.

I wassoexcited for our date, soincrediblyexcited. And that was the problem. The higher the high, the harder the crash. My excitement had turned into fear about the same time I’d stepped onto the elevator and realized how the other guests were looking at me.

I wasn’t disillusioned.

I knewwhatI was.

I wasn’t sure Roark realized though.

To his credit, Roark had never looked at me and made me feel the way I had on F’ukYuu. I wasn’t even sure he knew just how fucked up I was, or how little value I could offer him.

On the ship, Roark and I lived in our own little bubble. It was easy to forget where I’d come from and what I’d been before he found me. Buthere? Here I was just the slave he’d bought. Abducted and discarded. Cheap entertainment.

No amount of opulent clothing could make up for the collar around my neck.

One look and everyone here could already tell what I was. A scared, lonely man with a fucked-up childhood. A virgin—not by choice—but because no one had ever wanted to touch him. A kid even parents couldn’t love. And if they hadn’t been able to love me, what did that say about me?

What if Roarksawall that?

He’d never call me pretty again.

I’d lose him.

It took a decent amount of effort to pull myself together, but I managed. I wasn’t sure how long it took, only that by the time I’d showered and dressed in my clothing for the night, I wasexhausted. Strung out. My hands shook as I attempted to comb my hair into place without looking in the mirror, afraid of what I might find there.

This was my first date.

I should be happy.

I shouldn’t be panicking, or crying, or hyperventilating.

I splashed some more water on my face.Get yourself together, Hugo. You only get one chance to do this right. Stop disappointing him, and yourself. If you want to prove yourself you’re gonna need to do better than this.

My eyes pinched shut. Water droplets dripped from my chin down the drain.

Roark wouldn’t have taken me here if it wasn’t safe.

It didn’t matter how the people downstairs looked at me.

Not when I knew howhelooked at me.

Just like I’d told myself earlier, Roark was Roark. He was as steady as he was stubborn. His opinion of me wouldn’t change based on something as dumb as a crowd of strangers. In fact, I doubted he’d even notice them. He’d be too distracted beingadorable and stern, making sure I was having fun, and that we both were safe.

Feeling settled again, I finished styling my hair.

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