Page 128 of Cloudy With a Chance of Bad Decisions

So many things felt…confusing at present.

My job, for one. Because thinking about Brendon, obviously, made me think about work. And when I did, dread filled me. The icy fear ofseeinghim again, of returning to the pattern I’d lived in ignorance, now that my eyes were open, and I saw it for what it was.

A hamster in a wheel, running round and round.

Was I remaining there because it was what I’d always done? What was expected of me? Out of…stubbornness? Because I didn’t want to let my mother down? Or…was I staying because it was whatIwanted.

Alex certainly cared about what I wanted.

Maybe I should start caring about that too.

It was odd.

Not once…had I thought about Brendon’s feelings.

Nor did the dread feel nearly as…debilitating as it had. It was still there, of course. Like a shadow clinging to my shoulders. But I could breathe through it. And that, in itself, was improvement.

As I stared listlessly into the giant pan of scrambled eggs I was helping my mom prepare, I couldn’t help but come to the conclusion that I…was beginning to maybe…care more about what Alex might do in the future than what Brendon had done in the past.

Steps forward.

Practice.

Practice at being…valued.

By a man that was Brendon’s antithesis.

Where Brendon had been calculating, Alex was spontaneous.

Where Brendon had been cold, Alex was warm.

Where Brendon rationed out his attention, Alex dumped his in overwhelming armfuls. So much so that I had no idea what to do with it. I’d been starved before, shriveled and needy, and I had no doubt that under Alex’s care that would not be the case. He’d glut me with affection if he could. Spoil me in ways I’d never been spoiled, simply because he wanted to.

I had an empty well and Alex wanted to fill it.

Which was…intimidating—but not…not bad, maybe?

Because I felt lighter than I had in days, maybe years? And I could only blame last night. The kisses, the compliments, the praise, the laughter. The way Alex had taken me apart then held me together. The way we’d gone to bed with laughter in the air. And woken up to gripe and swipe at each other all over again.

The lack of Alex at my side was frankly jarring.

We’d only just met.

And yet here I was—falling for his charm when I’d promised myself I was done with this. That I would never let another man control my emotions. That I’d never give someone power over me again. I didn’t know how to stop. I didn’twantto stop. Content to ride this train till the end, because for the first time in my life I was discovering what it felt like to be treated well.

Which was…infuriating.

And why I hadn’t protested when Alex had told me there was stuff he had to do this morning. He’d said he’d catch up with me later with those big blue puppy eyes—and I…believed him. Like a total schmuck. I one-hundred percent believed that he wasn’t playing with me. That last night had not been a fluke—a way to get in my pants.

That he’d been genuine.

Honest.

It was so…odd to think the best of someone. To trust them. To assume they had good intentions, rather than bad.

In a way, Alex’s absence was a blessing. I wouldn’t have been good company right now, anyway. It was better I hide in the kitchen, stewing in my thoughts, so he wouldn’t catch my bad mood as I sorted through them.

“You don’t look happy,” Mom said from my left. “I’m surprised, after last night.” She was wearing massive yellow gloves as she prepped bacon strips. This was round one-thousand. All loads of meat had been cooked to a crisp on the ginormous griddle she’d borrowed from Roderick’s mom. The one from our house was already full, sitting right beside it. It was literally a factory’s worth—and we planned to use every last strip.

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