Page 233 of Cloudy With a Chance of Bad Decisions

Hadn’t been brave enough, good enough, strong enough to take a chance on something so irrational. Something that directly defied the lines that Alex had drawn to enclose our relationship. I’d been waiting for him to do it. Waiting for him to tell me what I wanted to hear.

I’d left my future in his hands.

Just like I’d done with Brendon.

Instead of seeking what I needed for myself. Instead of…standing my ground. Instead of becoming the master of my own fate. I’d let someone else dictate my happiness.

In my defense…I’d never been involved with someone who treated me like I mattered. Someone who needed me as much as I needed them. Someone who looked at me like I was as perfect as I’d always wanted to be. Someone who didn’t mind my flaws, just like I didn’t mind theirs. It wasn’t until that hit me—the uncomfortable, shocking truth of that statement—that it registered that my relationship with Alex had the potential to be equal.

Equal.

In a way I’d never been allowed to be.

Equally imperfect. Equally invested. Equally enamored.

And if Alex and I were equals, if what we shared was fifty-fifty and if our intensity matched as well as I knew it did…then that meant I was just as capable of taking that first step toward “something real” as he was.

Mom had said he wasn’t perfect.

And while I’d understood the sentiment, in my head I’d disregarded it. In my eyes, there was nothing he could do wrong. In my eyes, he was as close to perfect as a person could get.

But as I sat there thinking about Alex. Thinking about the way he shied from compliments, the way he hid his emotions, the way he seemed genuinely terrified of opening up—a shockingly horrible realization occurred.

Maybe Alex hadn’t asked me for more—not because he wasn’t interested, but because he didn’t think I’d want him the same way.

Maybe flirty, charismatic, good-at-everything Alex was scared too.

Maybe he was just as worried about appearing perfect as I was.

Maybe he would never, ever make the first move—because needing me was something he was too terrified to admit.

And maybe…maybehe’d been waiting. Hoping. Worrying. Scared I would be another person to let him down. Beneath the wall of muscle, the smiles, and the outward confidence…Alex was as vulnerable as I was.

My thoughts spun, horror dawning as reality set in.

Confirmation of my lack of feelings toward Brendon was the final nail in the coffin. And as I fiddled with my phone, dazed, andwarm, I realized the fear that had silenced me earlier was gone. Mom had told me that the best things in life were illogical. She’d encouraged me to take chances. She’d promised she’d be proud of me either way.

She’d given me the cushion I needed to take the fall—if there was one.

She’d offered me comfort—no matter the outcome.

And yet…here I was—in limbo.

But no more.

No fucking more.

If there was anyone in the world I could be vulnerable with it was Alex. He didn’t need to be scared of me, just like I didn’t need to be scared of him.

We…deserved a fighting chance.

And I was going to fight for it.

If Alex didn’t want to be myrealboyfriend, he could say that to my fucking face. There were more flights home. Who cared if I missed a day of work? In fact, who cared if I missedall of them.I’d have to talk to Missy about keeping Mr. Pickles for a little longer, but?—

The point was…

While there were endless opportunities to tell Alex how I felt about him, none were as optimal as right here, right now.

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