Wanted that standard to climb and climb and climb.
Wanted to spend my life striving to surprise him with my devotion.
“You deserve a ring on your finger. Anniversaries. A wedding—exactly the way you’ve always wanted.”
“I-I can’t.”
“You…” My heart kept jumping. I could feel it in my fingertips where they pressed into George’s skin. Feel it in my chest, knocking each breath free. In my throat, tightening with my words. “You…deserve someone who knows he has flaws.” Jesus, did I have those. “Who’s not perfect—but never stops trying. Someone who struggles sometimes…but…loves you enough to never give up.”
A car honked but we ignored it. I had no idea if it was the Ryde driver, or someone behind my dad. But it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. Nothing but George’s eyes. Those fathomless, swirling depths.
And the way they warmed with every rain-streaked blink.
“Alex—” George sounded wrecked.
“But most of all, you deserve…to feel like you’re enough. Fuck. Like you’re more than enough—because youare.”
“F-fuck.” George gasped.
“I would make you so happy, Georgie.” Candid was best. I’d nearly lost my opportunity to be that—to do this. I was tired of being an idiot. “I would.” It was a vow. “I’d take such good care of you.”
“A—”
He tried to stop me again, but I wasn’t done. Wasn’t done—because I’d almost lost this. This was the most important negotiation I’d ever make. “I need you.” My stomach filled with lead, those words far heavier than anything I’d ever thought I could admit. “I need you. I can’t fucking breathe when I think about losing you. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. Can’t imagine a future where we’re not together.”
I could keep going.
I wanted to keep going.
All my private, most personal thoughts were escaping—but George…lovely, wonderful George, anchored me in the present.
He stroked up and down my back.
Recognizing my rambling for what it was, an anxious ploy to convince him he’d be making the right choice. His hands slid into my hair, petting through it, holding me still as he pulled my face back so he could meet my gaze.
“Okay.” George’s eyes were red-rimmed. “Okay.” It took me a second to process the word through the ringing in my ears.
“Okay?”
Now it was my turn to shake. Trembling like a leaf in the wind, weak in a way I’d never been for anyone but him. Allowing myself to show weakness—because I knew he wouldn’t judge me for it. Knew he’d help steady me. Knew he’d understand.
The hands George had in my hair tightened, as I sucked in a breath.
“Okay,” George repeated. “Let’s do it.”
“Which part?”
“All of it.” George blinked. “If you’re up for it.”
“Of course I’m up for it. I can’t promise I won’t mess up?—”
“Good, because I’m sure I will.” George said this wryly enough it startled a laugh right out of me. “Long distance?” George’s voice was soft. “For now. While I pack up my apartment.”
“While you?—”
“Pack up my apartment, yes. I’ll need to give my roommate time to find someone to take my place. But that shouldn’t take long.”
Had I hit my head?