Page 21 of Hell's Kitten

Yes. I think I’ve made a real friend.

And I’m so, so happy about it.

CHAPTER 10

Jessie

At some point,I just stop questioning everything all the time. Yes, this whole situation is slightly bizarre and happened super fast. I’m still avoiding telling my mom all the details. It’s almost like if I confess to her, the bubble will burst, and it won’t be real anymore. Or maybe by telling someone else, I’ll realize how insane it all is.

The bottom line is that I’m safe, and actually, I’m already thriving.

For the first several days, I get into a pretty nice routine just looking after the cats both in Nim’s apartment and in the café. I’m fully aware that scooping out oopsies from litter boxes and washing food bowls aren’t the most glamorous jobs, but I love knowing that the kitties are clean and cared for. They rely on us humans for everything, after all.

I’m getting to know their personalities better, especially all the black ones in the apartment. I like how Virgo is such a scaredy cat, but if you sit still and let him come to you, he’ll actually let me stroke him and he’ll purr in his little heart out in my lap. Aries, on the other hand, is an absolute bruiser who isn’t afraid of anything, but when she rolls onto her back, she genuinely wants tummy pets, and that’s sweet in a different way.

I love them all. Nim is lucky to have them. A little voice in the back of my head tells me not to get too attached as I’ll only have to leave them all one day. But I just can’t bring myself to listen.

When my classes start, I suddenly have a lot less free time, which is probably a good thing. There’s a strange sort of tension when both Nim and I are around. Obviously, he’s at work a lot of the time, and when he’s not I’m fully aware that this is his home and I want to respect that. I try to make myself scarce in my room, but he’s got this thing about making sure I eat enough, so we often share meals. It’s incredibly sweet, but at the same time a little intimidating.

I’m torn between wanting to be around him and not. Because Ilovespending as much time with him as possible. I don’t think either of us is sure when this arrangement of ours is going to come to an end, and I want to make the most out of it that I can.

On the other hand, I’m not really certainwhatis going on. He seems to really enjoy fussing over me, and I’m becoming addicted to that, too. But then it’s like he realizes what he’s doing and suddenly pulls back, like I might change my mind without warning and start hating him for it or something. I just don’t know.

That’s why going to class helps considerably. Suddenly, my head is full of a million new things, and I have very little time left to fret over the relationship dynamic between my new friend and me. Between philosophy, English lit, and art history, I barely have time to catch my breath. It’s been a long while since I applied my brain to a classroom, and by the time I fall into bed each night, I’m exhausted.

All things considered, maybe adding a serious extracurricular activity on top of that might not be the smartest move. But cheerleading is in my blood. Mom was a cheerleader back at her school and college, and she made me promise that I wouldn’t give up on my dreams just because the big C camealong and messed with both our plans. Besides, Paddle Creek’s squad is called the Kittens. That feels like far too big of a sign from the universe to ignore.

Still, when Saturday rolls around for tryouts, I find myself standing outside the gymnasium, rooted to the spot in fear.

What if this isn’t who I am anymore? What if I’m no good? I’ve spent five years trying to find my way back to this point, but what if it’s all a big mistake? What if?—?

“Hi!”

I jerk from my reverie and find a beaming girl next to me in a purple hoodie as well as a purple-and-teal skirt sticking out the bottom. With a rush I realize she must be an existing Kitten, and I feel like I’m standing in front of royalty or something ridiculous. It’s not like this squad is renowned for winning championships or anything. I just…oh, gosh. I just want so badly tobelongto something again. To have a purpose bigger than myself.

“Hi!” I squeak. “I, um…” I point toward the building. “Tryouts?”

She laughs, but it’s kind. “Absolutely, baby! You cheered before?”

To my surprise, she loops her arm through mine and begins marching us toward the gym. It makes me feel claimed, and a warm sensation unfurls inside me. “Oh, yeah,” I manage to say. “In high school, but I took some time off.”

“I’m sure you’ll do great,” she says fondly as we go inside. “I’m Zazzle, by the way.”

“Jessie,” I say with a shy smile.

Zazzle’s long dark braids have purple woven into them. She’s also got a couple of tattoos I can see on her bare legs, as well as several empty piercing holes in her ears. A small Band-Aid covers one on her tragus that I assume she can’t or doesn’t wantto take out, and the stud in her nose is very small, but I can see it up close like this.

“We don’t have a lot of boy Kittens,” she says jovially as we walk through the slightly dingy hallway.

I hesitate for a second. But for some reason, being in a new place with new people gives me courage. “Actually, I’m a demiboy,” I say.

“Oh, interesting,” she says earnestly. “What does that mean? What pronouns do you use?”

“He, him, his,” I tell her with a smile. “It just means that for me, being a boy includes a lot of femininity. It’s different for everyone, I guess, but that’s the label that feels best for me.”

“Hey, you don’t have to justify anything to me,” she says as she holds up her hands. “It’s all good, cutie. We might be a small squad with just one team, but you’ll find quite a lot of diversity here in Paddle Creek.”

“Yeah?” I ask. Some of my nerves are being replaced with curiosity. I’m grateful to this girl I just met.

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