Page 58 of Hell's Kitten

He stares at me until it gets uncomfortable. “What do you mean ‘distance’ myself?” he asks, his voice dangerously low.

“I won’t ruin your life, Jessie,” I growl, unable to look at him, so I focus on a gray cat that’s come to sit by my feet, her tail swishing. She can feel the tension.

I can’t blame her.

Jessie’s voice is wobbly when he speaks. “Are you breaking up with me?” he whispers.

I grind my teeth, my anger toward the Durhams so powerful I’m surprised it isn’t shooting through the walls like a laser beam in the direction of their ghastly mansion. There is no reason that they’re doing this other than because they want to. Because they can.

But the way I see it is this is an impossible situation and I have to do what’s best for Jessie, even if he can’t see it.

“I’ll go speak to the dean or whatever. Tell them you’re just my tenant. They don’t have any grounds to keep you off the team. Not if it’s just word of mouth.”

He springs to his feet, tears spilling down his face. It’s the most awful thing I’ve ever seen. “Nim! What the fuck? Stop this right now! The cheer thing is over, done. It wasn’t your fault, and you dumping me will only break my heart!”

I shake my head. “I knew I was no good for you. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you, Jessie. I won’t ruin it. You can stay, obviously. But I’ll keep my distance. Be respectful.”

“You are doing theoppositeof respecting me right now, Benjamin Decker!” he yells, anger flashing over his features. I wince as if he’d struck me across the face. “Ichoseto walk away from the squad to avoid scandal, and I’mchoosingto be with you! I’m an adult, and I know what I want! Please—pleaselisten to me!”

I cling to the table to stop my hands from shaking. I want to keep him more than anything in the world. More than my home or my business, I wanthim.

But that’s selfish. I have to do what’s best for him.

“I can’t,” I say.

It’s like I can feel my heart crack in two as I push myself off the table and walk away.

CHAPTER 22

Jessie

“He’s a stupid…stupid…stupidhead,”Alannah says over the loud music with a scowl.

I sigh and sip my cocktail, and I can’t say I disagree with her.

Despite last night’s antics and the ensuing hangover today, after Nim’s enraging behavior this morning, I’ve found myself dragged out tonight to The Ice Cream Parlor to drown my sorrows for a second evening in a row. The fifties diner vibe is cheerful, I’ll admit. Everything is minty green with red leather seats and neon lights. But it’s going to take a whole lot more than a fun bar to lift my spirits.

I was a fool for thinking things couldn’t get much worse yesterday.

Part of me knows that Nim is hurting and afraid. He truly believes that by pushing me away he can protect me. The other part of me knows that he’s astupid headthat is going to feel verystupidonce he pulls his stupid head out of hisass.

If.Ifhe pulls his head out of his ass.

I’m not giving up on us just yet, but I also have my dignity. If he genuinely doesn’t want to be with me anymore, I’m not going to beg.

The thought that our relationship could really be over makes me choke down a sob. Alannah rubs my back and gives me a pitiful look. We’re perched on stools around a small table while the resident drag queen, Kimmi Sugar, lip-syncs the shit out of a Beyoncé song. The bar is reasonably busy—enough to allow me to feel like I can get lost in the crowd.

Oh, god. I love that useless man. And I never got to tell him.

Why wouldn’t he talk to me or even listen to what I was saying? The situation with the cheer squad is totally shit, but I can come to terms with it in time, I’m sure.

I’m never going to forgive Nim if he blows up what we have because he’s too stubborn to believe that he’s actually a good person who hasnotruined my life. Because leaving mewillruin my life.

Stupid head.

Alannah knocks back the last of her cocktail. It’s happy hour so they’re two-for-one, and we’re making the most of it. “More drinks!” she cries, hopping off her stool to head back to the bar.

I’m so grateful she’s my bestie. Everyone should have someone so loyal and fierce by their side when their Daddy has a wobble and…well I don’t even know how to sum up what’s happening with the cheer squad. When someone uses you as a pawn in a mass political conspiracy, perhaps? Fuck, when did my life become so complicated?

---