Page 37 of Make Believe

Does he want to call it off? Was the sex at my desk too much? Is he bored already? I have to say that I’m very much enjoying the domesticity of having him here all the time. I thought he was happy taking time to read and walk, and I’ve heard him filming so I assume he has a TikTok or whatever. I trust him to be discreet as that’s an essential part of our deal, so that’s not my concern. I don’t believe he’s stuck for things to do. But I can’t really think what’s plaguing him other than restlessness.

He is half my age. Perhaps it was foolish to think he’d be seriously interested in me. If he’s just here for the money, that’s fine. But I don’t want to feel that way when we’re together. In fact, I’m paying him for a service, and if I’m not getting it, then I can call the whole deal off right now.

Unfortunately, a frustrating meeting with a company I’m supposed to be moving an acquisition forward with leaves me in a bit of a temper. So when Kadence is quiet during dinner, I finally snap.

“I do believe that when you came to stay with me that we made it clear one of my rules was that you had to be upfront with me.”

His eyes go wide before he looks left and right. “Um…yeah? Is there…what are you talking about?”

I place my knife and fork down on my plate before lacing my fingers together and inhaling slowly through my nose, counting down from five so I don’t snap any further and say anything I’ll regret.

“You have something troubling you that you refuse to discuss. I’m not saying you have to disclose every thought that crosses your mind. But when it affects your behavior when we’re together, it becomes my problem.”

He blinks at me before something dark flashes across his eyes. “It’s nothing,” he says stiffly. “Or I mean, it’s my problem, and I’ll do better at letting it go.”

“Not good enough,” I say. “If something is wrong, you need to let me fix it. Our time together is supposed to be an escape. I know we’re playing roles, but I specifically don’t want any bullshit when that’s what the rest of my life is filled with.”

He scoffs at me, folds his arms over his chest and leans back in his chair. Our dinner has been abandoned on both our plates. I know my appetite has vanished. I’ll be extremely disappointed if this is already the end of our arrangement.

However, there is a part of me that’s impressed that he’s not afraid to stand his ground with me. He’s not shying away or crumbling. But he’s also still holding out, and I’d like to know why.

Right now.

“Fine,” he cries eventually, throwing his hands up. “I know I’m supposed to just be a doll for you to play with, and the last thing you want is any kind ofbusinessadvice from someone who only just graduated college, for fuck’s sake. But you want to know what’s on my mind? I’ll tell you.”

It’s my turn to blink in confusion. I caught the part where he was perhaps having trouble with the boundaries of our relationship. That I can sympathize with. Him moving in and us spending all this time together is bound to fuck with our heads, no matter how no-strings we wanted to keep this.

But he’s got opinions on mycompany?

“Go on, then,” I say with a jut of my chin.

He swallows and scowls at me for another few seconds. “Paddle Creek is my home,” he says in a low voice. “I left my parents behind because they’re from a shockingly elitist community of rich bastards like you who think they can just bully their way through any situation. They did not want a gay son, so they were not going to have a gay son. I either stayed and lied or moved and lived. I chose Paddle Creek because despite being a dump, it’s actually super fucking queer-friendly.”

“Right,” I say when he pauses, not quite following.

“Nothing works there because ofyou.All those businesses are closed down or run down because ofyou.You’re playing some sort of long game with the real estate and it’s choking the whole town. Now you just want to sell it off and forget like you didn’t ruin everything for a whole decade or more? These are people’s lives we’re talking about! Not pieces on a Monopoly board! I know you’re not used to being a minority and willprobably spend the rest of your life in the closet, butI won’t do that.Paddle Creek is where I belong now, and it’s a queer community. I hate that you don’t care about it, and I hate even more how much I care that you don’t care because I’m just supposed to be a fuckingdollfor you!”

My jaw is hanging open. His fists are clenched as he slowly gets to his feet, tears brimming in his eyes. “Kadence…I…”

He shakes his head and the tears fall. “I told you that you didn’t want to know,” he rasps, avoiding my eyes. “I told you it wasn’t any of my business. If you want me to leave, I understand. Just…give me a minute to calm down, okay? I don’t…I never meant to…this is too much…”

I’m unable to think of anything to say as he marches out of the dining room. But my head is spinning as I try and break down the essential points of what he just yelled at me.

He’s mad at the way I’ve treated his home. That’s fair enough. My current strategy has been failing, and I’ve been considering the easy way out.

I realize he must have overheard that informationwhile I was fucking him,which is kind of messed up. I need to give him more credit. He’s really not just a pretty face, he’s got an active mind behind those beautiful ocean-blue eyes.

I knew he lived in Paddle Creek, but his words about why it’s his home and how important it is to him send chills down my spine. He’s right. I don’t know anything beyond the extreme privilege of being a straight, rich, white man. I don’t know what it’s like to be exiled from my family. In fact—the entire reason I’m trapped in a loveless marriage is because I’m too afraid to rock the boat. I guess I haven’t had much of a reason to before now.

But Kadence is correct. I could probably choose to remain hidden in the closet about whatever my sexuality is for the rest of my days.

He doesn’t have that luxury.

He’s braver than I’ll probably ever be.

It’s ironic that his kink is pretending to be a lifeless doll because he’s actually the most authentic person in my life right now by a long shot.

And that brings us to the final thing he admitted. He cares. Like I care. He cares too much. It’s getting complicated.

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