Page 50 of Make Believe

I’m terrified that he’ll want to leave.

But if he stays, it’s going to be because I know without a shadow of a doubt that’s whathewants. That he wantsme,choosesme.

Realizing that if I really mean what I’m thinking, then it’s over. Tomorrow, one way or another, I will get a resolution. The notion is strangely comforting, and I finally, mercifully start to feel the lull of sleep settling over me.

But not before I take myself in hand and jerk off to all the delicious sights I witnessed tonight. Blowing my load exorcises the last of my concerns, and after a quick mop-up, I sigh in contentment, drifting into the abyss.

Whatever happens in the morning, I’ll know the truth.

And the truth will set you free.

CHAPTER 19

Kadence

It wasn’t a dream.

It was all real.

I lie in bed the next morning feeling utterly exhausted and emotionally wrung out…but also happy in a way I’ve never known before. That scene was something else, and it was all because of Rafferty.

I’ve done group sex in the past. That’s no big deal. But Rafferty held me and watched me and adored me the entire time. It’s like I was the center of his universe.

And I liked it. I wanted it.

This isn’t make-believe any more. It hasn’t been for quite some time. I know he was clear this could only ever be a secret, short-term affair. But I knew at my door last night he was looking at me and silently asking for more.

Another kiss? To spend the night in my bed? I don’t know. I was too overwhelmed, and pulled back before we could stumble any farther into choppy waters. The kiss complicated things enough for one evening.

It’s kind of ridiculous that’s the case, but here we are. Wild sex party? No big deal? One relatively chaste kiss?

Disaster.

Sighing, I drag my weary bones out of bed and force myself into a hot shower. It’s the right move, and I start feeling better immediately. Physically, anyway. Mentally, my thoughts are still all over the place.

The kiss will only be a disaster if it ruins everything. Technically, we didn’t officially agree not to do that. It was my unspoken rule that Rafferty followed, like a gentleman. So the only person here I’ve really compromised is myself.

But that’s true of everything right now, isn’t it? Rafferty doesn’t know I approached him at that party to try and destroy his family’s reputation. He has no idea he’s a pawn in my vendetta against his son. It’s only myself that I’m letting down.

So that’s it. As the water cascades over my body, I blink.

I can decide the deception is over. So itisover.

I’m done with revenge. What’s the point? It won’t make me happy.

Not like Rafferty does.

My smile is shy, even though there’s no one there to see it, not even myself. But I giggle like a little kid, the realization slowly washing over me.

Rafferty makes me happy. And I think I make him happy, at least to a certain extent. I understand that his life probably doesn’t have room for me in it in a long-term sense. Whatever we have, though, I’ve decided it’s just about that now, nothing else.

I release my animosity for Logan McKenna into the universe, banishing him from my soul. In fact, I feelgratefulin a perverse way. Without him, I probably never would have thrown myself at Rafferty. I might have noticed him at that party, sure, but I highly doubt I would have pursued him so aggressively.

Even if this affair is over in a few weeks—days—today—the change within me will always be there. I’ve learned so much not only about myself and my kink but also about what I want from anyone who I allow to be close to me again.

I owe Rafferty so much. I owe Logan nothing. I don’t ever have to see him again if I don’t want to, at least not on purpose. I certainly don’t ever have to tell him what I shared with his father.

My vendetta is officially dead and buried.

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