Page 56 of Make Believe

I was just so caught up in the moment. It felt like I was dying. After the neglect from my parents and Stanley, it felt like I was never going to be loved for who I was, so why bother?

The sad, pathetic truth was that the reason Logan’s words cut me so deep was because they were true. I act like nothing matters to me, but I want to matter to someone more thananything.

I think I found that with Rafferty. I mattered to him.

And now it’s all gone.

Somehow, I manage to hold it together until the guy drops me off. He might not have been the friendliest driver, but I really appreciated some quiet time to myself just now, so I give him five stars and a decent tip. It’s all a blur as I rush into my building, up the elevator, and into my apartment.

“Hello!” I yell, belatedly realizing that I should have warned Erika first in case she and her girl were in a scene in the middle of the living room or something. It is a Saturday, after all. But my way is mercifully clear as I hurry toward my bedroom, hurtling inside and not even bothering to close the door as I collapse onto my bed.

After that, there’s no holding the sobs back. They quickly become howls.

“Kadence?” Erika’s voice comes from the doorway.

“I’m fine,” I mumble into my pillow.

“Yeah, you look just peachy,” she drawls. After a second, I feel the mattress dip, and her hand rests on my back. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“No,” I say petulantly.

She laughs. I can practically feel her shaking her head. “Okay, tough guy. Then you won’t mind me texting for reinforcements, will you?”

I’m not sure what she means by that. But in the ensuing quiet, I concentrate on breathing, willing the tears to stop leaking into my pillow.

Eventually, Erika’s stubbornness pays off. “I fucked up,” I say.

She hums. “The old man you were using for revenge found out you were blackmailing him and his son?”

Sighing, I finally turn my head and look at her. She’s got shorts and a button-down on, complete with suspenders and her sensible glasses. It doesn’t appear like she was in the middle of a scene, for which I’m grateful.

“Worse,” I croak.

“Worse?” she repeats.

I nod. “I fell in love with him.Thenhe found out I was planning on betraying him.”

“Oh, baby,” she says sadly, combing her fingers through my hair.

“I wasn’t going to humiliate him, though,” I tell her, desperate for her to believe me, to understand. “Not anymore. I swear.”

She shakes her head. “I seriously doubt you would haveeverdone that, sweetie. So why are you here instead of talking it through?”

I screw my face up, shaking my head before hiding away against the pillow again. “It’s over,” I wail, my body shaking once more with grief. “I’m a terrible person! I ruineverything!”

She continues rubbing my back. “That’s not true, Kay,” she says softly. “You’re amazing. You made a stupid choice, but you didn’t actually follow up with it. You worked it out before any damage was done.”

“Rafferty hates me,” I mumble. That’s the worst damage I could imagine.

She takes a breath as if she’s going to reply. A childish part of me wants her to tell me that’s not true, even though I know it is. But there’s a knock at the door. “Ah. That sounds like the cavalry.” She pats my back, and I feel her get off the bed.

The last thing I want is to see any of my friends right now. But it seems like it’s out of my hands, so I surrender to the inevitable. Luckily, I keep a box of tissues by my bed, so I pluck one out and do my best to dab at my eyes. I’d forgotten about all the glamorous make-up I did, but hopefully I don’t look too much like Clayton, the college campus raccoon.

I take a couple of breaths and rub my chest. It’s then I realize the other thing I’d forgotten. I’m still wearing Rafferty’s jewelry. The necklace, bracelet, and earring—everything. Fresh horror rises inside me. I didn’t mean to steal them! I’ll have to mail them back—even though it pains me. I’d love to keep a mementoof our time together, but that’s just not possible. Not after the way I let him down.

The thought of Rafferty being back in that house, reevaluating every single moment of our time together, and realizing it was all a scam makes me sick to my stomach. I want to crumble all over again, but the murmured voices by the door stop, and I hear footsteps approaching. Taking a deep breath, I’m determined not to be a complete mess for my friends.

Sure enough, Erika comes back into my room, followed by Jessie and Harper, both of them looking anxious. Jessie’s wearing his Kittens training gear. He must have been on his way to cheer practice.

---