Page 15 of From the Ashes

“So, what’s got you so sad, hmm?” Of course she’s not going to let it go. I pick up another cookie and twirl it between my fingers.

“I had to run an errand after work,” I say, which is true. She just sips her tea in silence, though, piercing me with her gaze like I’m under a microscope. I sigh again, already knowing I’m not going to wriggle out of this. “Colton Ross is back in town.”

Teta gasps and fires off a series of curses in Arabic and a few in French as well for good measure. “That bad boy!” she finishes off with a scowl. “What’s he doing back here? I hope he’sashamedof himself.”

It’s been nice to have Yara defending me, but she met Colt for all of three minutes during our call. Teta had my best friend over for dinner and sleepovers countless times when we were kids. She knew how ‘special’ he was to me and was there for me when my whole world fell apart. Her outrage warms me and reminds me that I’m justified in having all these complex emotions.

“Well, he’s a man now, not a boy,” I inform her gently. “And he seems to have moved back here for the time being after his dad had a heart attack.”

Teta clutches her chest, but I shake my hands at her, sending cookie crumbs scattering over the table. I put the thing down on my plate and brush my fingers clean.

“Mr. Ross is okay. I saw him today, in fact.”

“Alhamdulillah,” she says in relief.

I know she won’t let me get away with not telling her the whole story, though, so I carry on. “It appears that Colt has come back to work for his dad or take over the family practice when Mr. Ross retires. So…I guess he’s going to be staying for good.”

“Why would you go see him?” Teta wails, fidgeting anxiously with her loose-fitting hijab. “After all he put you through! The way he broke your heart into a million pieces.”

As simply as I can, I explain what happened on the beach and then Nevaeh’s visit to the station this morning. “It was my duty to pass on the information.”

She tuts before stuffing a whole Caramel deLite into her mouth. “You’re too good for him,” she mumbles around the cookie.

“I know,” I say heavily. “He did say sorry, though.”

I’m still not sure how I feel about that. Nor the way his face lit up when I spoke with him. Nor his blatant concern for Nevaeh’s wellbeing.

For years, I’ve had this image of him in my mind as a callous playboy. The guy who used me to experiment and lose his virginity with before running off to college to be the good little lawyer his daddy always wanted him to be. The phase of his bisexuality he could keep hidden in the closet so whatever unsuspecting woman he eventually married wouldn’t be frightened off.

The man I saw on the beach and again at Ross & Associates doesn’t exactly match up with the picture I’ve been painting all these years. Usually, I have no trouble bringing the images in my head to life on canvas, but this is the other way around. It’s real life that doesn’t align with my imagination.

He’s a lawyer, though. A successful one, by the looks of it. Despite my shredded heart, I never caved into the temptation to search for him online and see where he ended up. Wherever it was, it wasn’t with me, so why should I care? But it’s easy to seethat he’s flourished in his profession, and I don’t really see how you can be a competent corporate lawyer if you don’t excel at bending the truth or outright lying.

Which is an elaborate way of convincing myself that the charming man I’ve seen on these two occasions is an act.

Except…he didn’t know I was going to be there either time. He certainly had no clue I’d become a paramedic in town when he risked his own wellbeing to save a stranger’s life. That selflessness isn’t just at odds with the Colton Ross that’s been living rent-free in my brain for the better part of fifteen years. It’s…admirable.

Attractive.

I hate that his smile still makes my heart skip a beat. I hate how he’s grown from a gorgeous teen into a striking, handsome man. But I hate the most that he really doesn’t seem to be the monster I’ve made him out to be.

Teta is still doing her best on that front, however. I listen with affection as she rants about how he can say he’s sorry all he wants, but he still treated me like garbage, and I shouldn’t forget that for a moment. She does have a point.

“You’re not going to see him again, are you?” she demands, concerned as she slips her hand over mine and grips surprisingly hard for someone of her age.

“I highly doubt it,” I assure her.

As I say it, though, my heart pangs in my chest. Logically, I know I never want to run into him again. Today has given me that closure Yara was pushing me toward. Or at least it’s given me clarity. I don’t know if I can ever truly forget and forgive the way he made me feel worthless by leaving town with little more than a brief, vague note wishing me well before saying goodbye forever. I had childish dreams ofmarryingthat man one day.

So, no. I have no intention of going back to his law office or hanging around at the beach. But there is a small, pitifulpart of me that looks a lot like my eighteen-year-old self who is mourning Colton Ross all over again. Just knowing he’s so physically close but just as far away as ever is kind of cruel.

Nothing has changed, however. His father clearly still regards me with the lowest contempt. After that tasteless joke about getting a girl’s phone number, it looks like he’s just as determined to see Colt marry a woman as before. That tells me that even if Colt ever came out of the closet as bi, marrying a man is probably never going to be a possibility for him.

Which is fine. I’m not interested. I haven’t been for fifteen years. So I’m sure I’ll get used to the idea that Colt is around town, and after some time, he’ll fade from my mind just like he did before.

I refuse to ever let him have power over me again. That Icanpromise my teta.

CHAPTER 7

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