Page 20 of From the Ashes

Or maybe he’s just weighing up the danger of me outing him after all these years. I’d never dream of doing such a thing, but it was Colton’s obsession with staying in the closet that drove us apart in the first place. I wouldn’t be surprised if that washis concern right now regardless of what he knows about my integrity.

“You should sit next to Mr. Del, then, Mr. Colt!” Nevaeh announces, grabbing his hand and tugging him toward me, breaking the spell between us. “If I hadn’t seen Becca for years, I know we’d have alotto talk about!”

I look up as he stands before me. I don’t want to play pretend around him again. All that time spent ignoring each other in the school corridors seemed worth it back then as I knew that behind closed doors, he was completely and utterly mine. But he never was in the end. The idea of sitting in the middle of most of my friends all afternoon making small talk feels like torture.

Before I can open my mouth to protest, however, Colt hands Yara his heavy-looking cooler of supplies and drops his blanket haphazardly, running his now free hand anxiously through his blond hair.

“There’s a lot of Champagne and sparkling grape juice in there,” he says to Yara with a grin that I can tell is trying to conceal his nerves. “Please feel free to share it around. Zahir, uh, perhaps you might join me for a quick walk?”

My knee-jerk reaction is to say no. The idea of being alone together—even if it’s on a crowded beach—seems dangerous. I don’t know if I can trust myself to be sensible when my emotions toward him are careening all over the place.

But if I tell him ‘no’ without giving a good reason, I’ll look like an asshole. Well, I won’t just look like one. That’s what I’ll be. And I have no desire to cause a scene when we’re here to provide Nevaeh with new, drama-free memories from the beach. Besides, my friends will never leave it alone if I act like a dick.

So that doesn’t leave me with many options.

“Sure,” I say with a tight smile and rise to my feet, slipping them back into my flip-flops. “Save me some bubbles,” I murmurto Yara. I have a feeling after this conversation, I might need a glass of the good stuff to take the edge off.

Best to get whatever’s about to happen over and done with.

CHAPTER 9

Colt

This hadall seemed like a fun, silly, harmless idea until I arrived on the beach and saw over a dozen people gathered around Zahir, most of whom turned out to be his damn team from the firehouse.

Then I just felt like a manipulative chump who was trying to get away with being an asshole. Again.

I’m so relieved he’s agreed to give me some time alone, but as we start walking down the shoreline, I’m lost for what I can say. They don’t exactly make Hallmark cards that read ‘Sorry I was a total dick to you fifteen years ago,’ do they?

“I guess you weren’t expecting to see me here,” Zahir says eventually, breaking through my jumbled thoughts.

Shaking my head, I decide I’m done with all the bullshit. Well, mostly. He doesn’t need to know this whole picnic idea was supposed to be a way for us to have one last chance to connect. That feels so pathetic in this moment.

“No,” I reply to him. “I mean, yes, I was expecting…no. I mean…” Huffing, I collect my words into a sensible order. “Elizabeth said she was going to invite a few people to help Nevaeh get reacquainted with the beach. I hoped you’d be one of them. In fact, she strongly hinted you would be. And I wasplanning on trying to get a moment to talk to you. But then I saw all your friends there, and I felt like such a little bitch playing stupid games…”

I sigh and dwindle to a stop, rubbing my forehead and feeling all the fight blow out of me. He looks so gorgeous in a black tank top and denim shorts, his brown skin glistening in the Californian sunshine. He hasn’t got sunglasses on, so I take mine off and squint. It’s worth it to feel like there’s less of a barrier between us.

He folds his arms across his chest, illustrating yet again how much he’s bulked up since we were kids. I just want him to take all those muscles and…

Yeah. Pack that in right now, Ross.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Zahir prompts.

His tone is patient but he’s not exactly opening the door to this conversation with welcoming arms. Which is fair. I have no right to expect anything more from him. I’m lucky he’s being civil at all.

Taking a breath, I attempt to steady my nerves. The rehearsed speech dances on the tip on my tongue, but it all seems to fucking fake now.

“I’m sorry,” I try as a start.

His expression doesn’t change. “You said that last time.”

That’s fair. I nod. “Because it’s true. But last time I didn’t saywhatI’m sorry for.”

He quirks an eyebrow. “I believe ‘everything’ was your answer to that.”

I roll my eyes and cross my own arms over my chest, mirroring him. “‘Everything’ isn’t wrong. But that’s not taking full accountability like I should. I…Zahir. You were the single most important person in the entire world to me. I had to leave, but I didn’t want to hurt you. I ducked out like a coward because I was a damn kid, and I thought that would spare us both aterrible and painful goodbye. To absolutely nobody’s surprise, that was the worst thing I could have done. I’ve never forgiven myself and…and I guess I just wanted to make sure you knew that.”

He shifts his feet in the blinding sand. “You wanted me to know it was awful? Yeah, Colt. I know that already. I lived it.”

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