Page 53 of From the Ashes

My voice catches, but I do my best to swallow the lump in my throat.

“All I wanted was to make you both proud. To earn your love. But you kept twisting me into your perfect son until I was going to break. Well, it turns out that this is the moment, in this very nice Japanese restaurant, in front of a perfectly lovely young woman who has nothing to do with our fucked-up family history, beside a tank of baby koi. You’ve broken me. I’m done. I’m out.”

“Your sauvignon blanc, ma’am?” the server asks hesitantly. Damn, this guy isn’t just as silent as a ninja. He really knows how to pick his moments.

“Perfect timing,” Portia says, taking it off him. He doesn’t run, but he certainly walks away as quickly as possible.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Colton,” my mom says in a fluster, rearranging the little pots of ginger and wasabi in front of her. “Of course we love you. We just want what’s best for you. Sometimes you’re too much of a daydreamer and you need some help with that. I think it’s very uncouth of you to disrespect your father and I like this when we’re in public.”

“You’re the ones who set this whole thing up,” I scoff over the rim of my glass.

“What do you mean that you’re done and you’re out?” my father asks, his voice remaining low, like he thinks he can still scare me. Sucks for him. In the space of about fifteen minutes, it’s become abundantly clear that I’ve got nothing at all to lose. “The plan has always been for you to inherit Ross & Associates. I know you’re not talking about walking away from your responsibilities.”

“Aren’t I?” I ask in amusement.

He puffs up like a bullfrog. “Colton Archibald Ross! After everything we’ve done for you?—”

“Oh, you mean after everything you bullied me into?” I interrupt. “Christ, I’ve been such a fool. Such acoward.To think that I chose your approval over Zahir.”

The second I let the name past my lips, I know I’ve made a mistake. All color drains from my mother’s face, while my father’s does the opposite and goes beet red.

“Your fathertoldme he’s been bothering you at work!” my mom cries, tears in her eyes again. “Iknewthere had to be a reason for all these changes recently. That boy was always a terrible influence on you!”

“Thatboyis now a fully grown man and a paramedic,” I inform her, fully aware I’m only antagonizing her and not caring one jot. “He spends his days saving people’slives.Not that I expect that to meet any of your criteria.”

My mom doesn’t even seem to hear me. “He almost ruined your chances at school and he’s trying to do it again now! Why can’t you see that dating someone like Portia would do you so much good?”

The lady in question raises a long, French-manicured finger. “Just a quick aside. ‘Someone like Portia’ is in fact just Portia, and she’s not here to fix anybody’s son.” She glances at me with a sly smile. “Although once this one’s finished with his epiphany, he can give me a call.”

“He’s not normally like this,” my mom says desperately, reaching out like she wants to grab Portia’s arm, but stops herself at the last second.

Wise chose, I reckon.

“You are right,” I concede. “I normally behave myself and toe the line. Unfortunately, I’m done with that old Colt, so I doubt you’ll be seeing him again.”

“That’s right, you’re ‘out,’” my father sneers. “Are you going to quit law and become some kind of hippie? Out of where?”

“The closet,” I say before I can stop myself.

Everyone goes very still.

Well…if I was ever going to come out, this isn’t even close to how I planned on doing it. But there’s no putting the genie back in the bottle now. And quite frankly, I don’t want to.

“W-what?” my mom stammers.

“Fuck yeah, dude,” Portia murmurs appreciatively, dipping some nagiri in her soy sauce.

“You’re not…you can’t be…” My mom looks from left to right, as if expecting the paparazzi to be lurking within earshot.“Gay?”

I shrug, wondering if I feel so calm because I’m on my second glass of wine or if it’s because I truly do not care anymore. It’s so funny how years and years of crushing anxiety have all just been washed away like footprints in the sand. They say the truth will set you free, and that’s exactly how I’m feeling right now.

“I can be and I am,” I tell her with a grin. “Gay, that is. In case there was any confusion.”

My father looks like he’s clenching his jaw so hard it’s going to snap. “This is pathetic. If you think you can embarrass the family name like that?—”

“I’m sorry,” Portia interrupts again with her manicured finger raised. “Just to clarify that what you’re saying is if your son was gay, that would be a scandal in your eyes?” There’s no humor in her voice anymore as she licks her lips and fixes my father with a piercing stare.

He splutters and glances at my mom. It’s rare that I see him lose his cool, and under the circumstances, I’m not ashamed to admit that I enjoy it a little. “Well, I mean, of course not. It’s just…it’s not who he is! This is obviously some kind of attempt at rebellion! That’s what I meant about embarrassing us.”

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