Page 68 of From the Ashes

Eventually, my plan is to move somewhere with a pond in the back yard. But for now, my girls Umi (sea) and Sora (sky) have a bigger tank than before, with all kinds of plants and miniature Japanese buildings to hide and play in. I’ve never had a pet before in my life, but with everything that’s been happening over the past few weeks, I’ve genuinely enjoyed and appreciated having a couple of living creatures depending on me to get out ofbed and care for them, especially on some of the tougher mental health days.

I know what Zahir’s trying to say about being patient. I’ve thrown myself into this recovery and am determined to do everything I can to heal the right way. But it’s difficult for me not to feel like I’ve wasted half my life already, and now I’ve finally made some huge, significant changes, I’m impatient to get going. Being cooped up in this apartment hasn’t been the best.

That’s why I’m not waiting anymore. There’s something I’ve wanted to do for a while now, and even though I’m extremely nervous, I’m going to make it happen today.

Finally.

“I have a surprise for you,” I say, trying to slow my heart rate down a little.

Zahir pauses then raises his eyebrows. “Yeah?”

Damn, this is going to be harder than I thought. Not trusting myself to speak, I put down my empty iced tea glass on the counter and pluck his from his fingers to do the same. Then I slip my hand against his and tug it so he starts following me back through the apartment toward the bedroom.

Anyone else would probably make a joke in that moment about how now I’ve gotten my foot out of the moon boot I’m ready to get my freak on (which isn’t entirely untrue). But because it’s Zahir, he just quietly follows me, probably picking up that this is an important moment. I push open my bedroom door, but step back a little to let him enter first.

The decision to focus updating my apartment’s décor in the living room area was a conscious one. I hadn’t done anything with my bedroom.

Until now.

Since the last time Zahir came over, I’ve swapped the dark gray bed covers for light blue and changed the blinds from blackto white. There’s now a wooden slatted headboard where before I didn’t have one. I even got some decorative white throw pillows and a linen runner thing that serves no purpose other than to make the bed look a bit fancy.

In front of the blinds, I’ve also now hung a floor length gauzy white curtain, and the same material has been pinned in strips above the bed, giving an effect like waves rolling onto the shore. It’s still light out, so we can’t really appreciate the effect right now, but there are fairy lights hanging among the gauze as well that will twinkle in the darkness.

I’ll admit that I wasn’t able to do any of this manual labor over the past few days. However, Portia and Preston were very good at bringing my vision to life. Iwasable to add touches like the jar of seashells on the dresser, the new wicker laundry basket, and the paperweight on top of the pile of books on my nightstand that looks like thick chain links from an anchor.

Portia hung a floating shelf for me specifically so I could display some framed photos of me and Zahir. We only have a couple of selfies so far, but I plan on adding a lot more. The important thing for me is that I declare to anyone who visits that we’re a couple. I want pictures of us in every room of wherever I live, whether that’s this rented place or the house we’re undoubtedly going to buy together in the near future.

Ideally, I want all the art in my home to be Zahir’s. But I just couldn’t resist getting a print of the famous Great Wave off Kanagawa by Japanese artist Katsushika Hokusai. We used to talk endlessly about going on an adventure around the world with our surfboards when we were teens. But ever since our lives were changed in just one day surrounded by Japanese culture, I’ve felt Asia calling me. Like destiny stepped in and told me that my life could be so much more than it had been so far, and that life could really be with Zahir.

Japan has a thriving surfing scene, you see.

“Colt,” Zahir says, looking around the room.

“The plants are from your teta,” I explain. Farah truly spoiled me, insisting I take over half a dozen pots filled with beautifully variegated leaves and colorful flowers.

“And the rest?” he asks, probably referring to the twenty or so candles in hurricane jars I placed around the room and all the cherry blossom petals strewn over the freshly made bed. Or maybe the sea breeze incense I’ve got burning and the peaceful ocean sounds quietly playing through my Bluetooth speaker.

I can’t stop the smile spreading onto my face as I move around in front of him. Now it’s happening, the nerves are melting away. I squeeze his hands in mine, then take a deep breath before my next words.

“The more permanent changes are because I’m done being hard and masculine all the time. I can be soft and feminine too if I want. This is my sanctuary, and I wanted it to reflect my soul. My soul is where the sun meets the sea. It’s with you, Zahir. The less permanent additions are because I thought about taking you down to the beach to do this. But as much as I’m done hiding away, I do think some things should be private, so I brought the beach home.” I grimace and move to sit on the edge of the bed. “Sorry about this next part, but I’ve only got one knee functioning at full capacity right now.”

His warm brown eyes go wide as I manage to get my hand in my pants pocket and pull out the ring box that’s been burning a hole there ever since he arrived.

“I know I did this once before,” I say thickly. My eyes are already burning as I open the box to reveal the gold band with several raw sapphires ensconced at the front. The rough, uneven finish on the polished metal makes me feel like it’s something a mermaid found at the bottom of the ocean just so I could give it to my man in this moment. “But I have a feeling you didn’t believe I was serious?”

Zahir’s eyes are also brimming with tears as he cradles his hands under mine, staring at the ring. “I told you if you asked me properly, you’d find out if I’d say yes,” he whispers.

I’ve wasted enough time when it comes to Zahir Delacroix. So I don’t hesitate now.

“I’ve loved you my whole life, Zee,” I tell him truthfully. “I want to spend the rest of it by your side. You make me the man I know I was always supposed to be, and I’ll spend the rest of my days lifting you up to your highest heights so you can be your very best, too. Will you marry me?”

He places his hand on his chest as the tears splash down his cheeks. “Are you sure?” he utters. “We don’t have to rush this.”

“I damn well do,” I tell him with a frown. “I should have done this years ago. Unless you don’t want to?” Suddenly the nerves are back. “In that case?—”

“YES!” he cries, then laughs at his own outburst. He grabs the box from my hands, plucks the ring from it and tosses the box aside before slipping the band over his finger. “There,” he says shakily with a grin. “You can’t take it back now.”

I grin and throw my arms around his waist, dragging him onto the bed and peppering his face with kisses. “I would never take it back,” I assure him. “The contract is binding. I belong to you now, and that’s a fact.”

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