Page 41 of Ryder

“I’m doing just fine, Ryd, thanks for asking.”

I lean forward. “That’s not what I asked. I asked if you were happy.”

Her eyes glaze over and it hits me all at once. She’s not happy. Not even close. She can hide it from Luca, heck, maybe even herself, but she can’t hide it from me. “I’m notunhappy.”

“That isn’t the same thing.”

“Really?”

I run a hand over my jaw. “You seem annoyed with me. Is it because of what happened?”

She laughs without humor. “No, Ryd, just let it go.”

“I don’t wanna let it go. I want to know why you’re a whole different person to the girl I’ve known my whole life.”

“People change. People grow up; it’s a part of life. They can’t just stay the same.”

“What’s wrong with the same?”

She shakes her head, a curl to her lips. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“No? Why don’t you explain it to me.”

She takes a breath, something clearly on her chest that she needs to get off. “You don’t know what it was like for me. When we left things, I wasn’t…” She wipes a single tear and I’m horrified that somehow I’ve played a part in all of this.

I reach toward her and take her hand, but before I can get a good grip, she rips it away.

“Don’t, Ryd. Please, it’ll just make it harder.”

“Finish what you were going to say. You weren't what?”

The glassy-eyed look she gives me does nothing except gnaw at my conscience. Somehow I’ve got something to do with her present state of ‘not unhappy’.

“I wasn’t entirely honest.”

My hand on the table turns into a fist. I’m frustrated with her, just like I always am whenever we get together because she won’t be honest with me, and this just goes to prove it.

“In w-what way?”Don’t fucking start stuttering now, asshole.

“Ryder, I was in love with you.”

Her words hit me like a freight train and I stare at her, stunned.In love with me?

“I didn’t… I didn’t know.” The words leave my mouth, and I don’t mean them because somewhere deep inside, I already knew this. Just as I fell in love with her and spent this last year licking my wounds, unable to pick up the fucking phone because I’m a coward.

“Well, now you do.”

I take a second before I say, “Why didn't you say somethin’?”

She snorts. “Because you didn’t feel the same way.”

“H-how do you know that?”

Her face changes with surprise; first her eyebrows lift, then her lips part. “Did you?”

“I didn’t want to stir shit up,” I admit. “You were g-goin’ back to school?—”

“Now who’s not answering the question?”

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