Page 47 of Ryder

I picture Ryder.

He’d never just push his way in without making sure I was okay.

“Tell me,” he mutters against my skin. “Tell me you missed me.”

“I missed you,” I whisper.

“Don’t be an ungrateful little bitch. Open those legs for me.”

I do as he says, biting down on my bottom lip. I could shove him off, but it would only cause more arguments.

I don’t mean to be this way, really I don’t, but it’s a lie. I didn’t miss him. All I seem capable of doing is focusing on Ryder. Even now, as another man fucks me and whispers in my ear, all I can picture is Ryder’s face.

Was I wrong to come here with this man? Knowing that I would run into Ryder at some point? Maybe he’s right. I am an ungrateful little bitch. Maybe this is all I deserve. I’m playing two men at the same time, even if I didn’t intend on doing that. Unlike Jimmy, I would never, ever cheat on him.

“Fuck, you feel so good.”

I let out the breath I’ve been holding onto, and then he’s pulsing inside me.

It’s over.

I didn’t even fake it. I just lay there like a corpse.

“Love you, babe,” he grunts, pulling out of me.

I have no reason to cry. I knew how tonight would go down. It’s how it always goes down because his drinking has gotten worse since we moved here and he joined the Devils Ink.

Not for the first time, I wonder how I even got into this mess. I can’t blame Ryder. Just because I was heartbroken and mad at him is no excuse to turn it in his direction. I made all my decisions. I chose to love a man like Jimmy because I thought I could fix him. I thought I could be enough.

I think back to Ryder’s earlier words.Are you happy?

If I’m being completely honest with myself, I know I’m not. I’ve been living in this fantasy land with this bad boy biker who does shady things, and I look the other way.

He cheated on me once before, but he said he was sorry. I never thought I’d be the type of woman who would take back a man who did that. But he blamed the booze, and I went along with it because I’m a fucking idiot. I felt sorry for him. Deep down, I don’t think he’s a bad man; he just doesn’t know how to hold his liquor or communicate properly.Or fuck me right.

He pats my ass and rolls up from the bed, staggering to the bathroom as I pull my shorts back up. I’ll clean up when he’s done. I really don’t want to run into him while he’s doing whatever he’s doing in the bathroom.

I wipe my tears.

You’ve no reason to cry. You brought this on yourself. You didn’t have to move here with him.

My poor decision making aside, I really am a rookie when it comes to relationships. I don’t know shit. Jimmy is my first boyfriend, and here we are a year later, moved in together.I barely knew anything about him when we were dating. The club he was with then was no better, but he insisted he did nothing illegal. I’m starting to really rethink some of those conversations.

I don’t look at my phone. I don’t want to re-read my texts to Ryder. In fact, I’ll probably delete them in case Jimmy gets hold of it.

I also know that I was trying to hold my head up when Ryder questioned me. He’s always had me on this pedestal, one I’m not sure I entirely deserve, and a part of me wanted him to know that I’m not that girl anymore. I never was. Saying it in person, however, is a whole different ball game. I’m weak when it comes to Ryder, and he knows that. I didn’t expect his reaction to be quite so severe, and I definitely didn’t imagine he’d ever drive by here hours later, checking on me. Now he knows where I live, I know he’ll eventually find out about my secret, and maybe I want him to.

Even if it isn’t his mess to fix.

The man is unhinged, but it’s my kind of unhinged.

And that says a lot more about me than it does about him.

10

RYDER

One week later

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