Page 34 of Seven Rules for a Perfect Marriage

‘How did we do?’ I ask Suze, panting.

‘You made a really good attempt!’ she says.

‘Are we one of the fastest?’

‘Uh. You had one of the smoothest turns ...’

Jack laughs and puts his arms around me. ‘I’m sorry, darling.’ I lean into his body, warm despite the wet day. He’s always so warm. Before we lived in a house with reliable central heating and double glazing, I used to use him as a radiator in bed at night.

The rest of the group are standing around by the water and Suze waves to get everyone’s attention. ‘Right,’ she shouts, ‘we have a tie for the win!’

Everyone makes an ‘ooo’ noise.

‘Verity and Noah, you had the same time as Chloe and Ben. So it’s time for a tie-breaker race.’ Ken and Sue applaud good-naturedly while Verity and Noah look a bit bashful. Chloe and Ben do quite an aggressive high five, clearly in perfect unison with their competitive spirit.

There’s a surprising amount of excitement as the two teams get ready, standing by their rafts, primed to push them in. Daz is standing with his lace-ups almost ankle deep in water, like an Antony Gormley made of meat. He puts the whistle to his lips.

‘When I say three, you can get in the water, and the first to reach the red life buoy is the winner. One, two, three, GO.’

Both couples give their rafts a shove into the water and start paddling madly. We’re all cheering. Verity’s face is twisted in effort; she’s paddling harder than any of the rest of them.

‘Faster,’ she screams at Noah.

‘God, she’s really going for it.’ Sue turns to me. ‘Good on her.’

Chloe and Ben reach the buoy slightly ahead and an enormous cheer goes up. They all make their way back to the shore and Chloe and Ben high-five each other, delighted.

‘Congratulations!’ Suze says, holding their hands up to celebrate their victory. ‘This is for you.’ She hands them a cheque which they rip open.

‘Five hundred quid!’ Ben says, delighted. ‘Woah!’

‘That’s a weekend in Paris,’ Chloe says, beaming. ‘A mini-break.’

They hug. I look over at Verity who is staring at the ground. It looks like there might be tears in her eyes but that could just be the cold air. I can feel her burning, and I get it. That’s not money that should have gone on a mini-break. It would have made her life better. Not so long ago I’d have felt the exact same.

‘And now we come to the losers of the task.’ Suze smiles. ‘Any guesses?’

There’s a silence and it seems like everyone is looking at us. ‘Surely not us?’ I ask, aghast.

Suze laughs. ‘By almost two minutes slower than everyone else, Jack and Jessica came last.’

Everyone thinks this is very funny. I try to swallow my pride. There’s quite a big part of me which wants to go and ask Suze if I can see her numbers, but luckily my desire not to seem like a total psycho stops me.

Jack nudges me in the ribs. ‘Let’s not have a Twister moment.’ I half pout, half laugh at the memory of the time I tried to play sexy Twister with him in our first flat and ended up shouting at him for not bringing his best game.

I push his hair, damp with sweat and water, away from his forehead. ‘Fine.’ I smile.

‘The good news,’ Suze continues, ‘is that while this task was about getting you to embrace honesty, we weren’t totally honest with you. We never intended to make the losers walk home.’

Everyone claps, and we make our soggy way back to the coach, ready for long baths and dry clothes. Sitting next to each other on the coach, I smile at Jack. He smiles back, one hand on my thigh.

‘I can’t believe we lost,’ I say.

‘I’d rather lose with you than win with anyone else.’ He grins.

‘What a line.’ I roll my eyes and then rest my head on his tweed shoulder. Ironically, given how spectacularly we lost, this morning has ended up feeling like a win.

Rule Four

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