Page 10 of To Hell With It

Una and I often go to the pub on a Friday night. For a start it’s Fish and Chips Friday, which comes with a free pint, and we like to sit at the back by the fire because it gives us the best view of who is where and what is happening.

Nothing new ever really happens in The Tally Inn but we like to people watch and guess who Carmel is going to try and take home next, even though we both know she’ll be going home with Poor Richie. The truth is most of the men in the village are too frightened to actually go home with her because Carmel has a big mouth.

We’d only been sat down for twenty minutes when he walked in – the most gorgeous man I had ever seen in my entire life. He stood at the bar on his own, wearing a red and black checked shirt and scuffed jeans. His copper hair was ruffled. And his face, oh my God, his face. He was like something out of a magazine.

For a moment, I had thought that I might have imagined him, like a mirage. Drangan isn’t a tourist destination; it isn’t somewhere people come to visit, or even pass through. People don’t just stumble upon it. They have to make a conscious effort to get here. They have to actually intend on being here. So why was he here? And why did I feel like my whole life was about to change?

Of course, Carmel was on him like a hyena, she laughed and pawed at him like he was some kind of prey. I guess he was to her. She flicked and twirled her ash-blonde hair, and pounced on him before he had a chance to sit down but it gave me a better view because it meant I could study him in all his glory, from head to toe.

He was tall, but not too tall. Well-built but not overly muscly. I could see his shoulders arched under his shirt, they looked big, they looked manly. I wanted to put my arms around them and pull him away from Carmel.

It was half past ten so I knew we didn’t have long left before last orders were called but sometimes the landlord, Ian, would keep the pub open for an extra hour or so. I never stayed though because if I went home any later than eleven o’clock I’d never get any sleep. It would take me at least two hours to go through all my checks, check the checks and then lie in bed running over them all in my head.

Una was already on her way to being hammered by the time last orders had been called, and I didn’t like how loud she had become.

‘I think we should invite him over here!’ Her eyes danced with excitement. ‘Seal him away from Carmel.’

‘Steal.’ I corrected her.

‘Steal what?’

‘Never mind.’ I shook my head. ‘I’m not inviting anyone over here, and you’re not either, for that matter.’ I leaned slightly forward so that she would take me more seriously, only she didn’t. She just laughed and stood up so abruptly her stool scraped across the stone floor and everyone looked our way, including him.

Una stumbled backwards and for a moment, I thought she had fallen over. But she composed herself, gave me the look she always gives me when she is going to do what she wants, and walked towards him before I could stop her.

So there I was, sitting on my own looking like an eejit because I knew we had an audience and Una wasn’t going to stop until she’d achieved what she had set out to do, which was to get him away from Carmel and over to our table.

Una disliked Carmel more than I did, but then she had reason to because Carmel had slept with her ex-boyfriend, Shaun, behind her back. Of course Shaun had told her they didn’t have sex – they did everything but, apparently – as if that somehow made it more forgivable, like it was OK to touch each other everywhere, naked.

Una dumped him straight away, of course; she wouldn’t be seen dead staying with a man who treated her like that. I think that’s what I loved so much about Una. She wasn’t backwards in coming forwards, if you know what I mean. She was no one’s fool. And neither was I, for that matter.

When I eventually forced myself to look up, he had already made his way over to our table, Una was about to introduce us, and my heart had banged against my chest so hard it felt like it had fallen out.

‘Jack this is Pearl. Pearl, Jack,’ she said with an excited tone and I wanted to die inside. ‘Jack’s a kiwi fruit.’

‘Kiwi.’ He laughed and I noticed his perfect teeth. ‘Hey.’ He waved and I waved back for longer than I knew I was meant to.

I could feel Carmel’s eyes on us and I must admit it was satisfying to see her look so pissed off and I could tell Una loved it too.

Close up, Jack was even more gorgeous. His face was slightly weathered but not in an ageing kind of way, in an outdoorsy, manly, sexy kind of way. His copper freckles matched his hair and I wondered if they came out in the sun like mine did. If he hated them like I had hated mine when I was growing up. I had rubbed bleach on them once. Not because of any urge or compulsion, but because I would have done anything to get rid of them. I was left with a nose that looked like I’d blown it too much. It was so red and sore it took weeks to go down.

‘So, you girls live here?’ Jack asked.

‘For our sins,’ I said, even though I didn’t actually mean it. I liked living in Drangan. ‘What about you, what are you doing here?’ I tried to sound casual but inside my stomach was twisting in all sorts of directions.

‘I actually didn’t mean to be here,’ he said, and I couldn’t take my eyes off his lips. I wanted to kiss them. How was someone born with a face like that? ‘My car broke down and this place had the nearest garage.’

‘So, you’re not stopping then?’ Una jumped in.

‘Depends how long it takes to fix,’ he said.

‘Nothing’s fast in this village.’ Una laughed.

‘Looks like I might be stopping a bit longer then,’ he said but he didn’t look at Una when he spoke, he looked at me and my cheeks burned so red I thought they might be on fire.

I’d like to say that I can remember the rest of the night but the truth is I can’t. I know that Carmel left the pub with a face like a slapped arse, followed by Poor Richie who waved at us awkwardly as he passed, almost like he had to apologise for her behaviour. Una had raised her glass in true Una fashion and I knew it would be all she’d talk about all weekend.

Somewhere between last orders and leaving the pub, Jack had walked me home, and we’d left Una laughing on her own doorstep as she tried to get her key in the door.

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