Page 121 of To Hell With It

‘Or just bored, or maybe she gets a kick from it, maybe they both do – maybe her husband joins in?’

‘Maybe it’s not even Maggie Ryan on the phone, maybe it’s her husband?’ I quipped.

We both laughed again and it felt good to be back with Una. It felt good to be on my way home.

* * *

Una pulled up outside my parents’ house and I could see the balloons outside their front door with a welcome home banner across the front gate.

‘Oh God.’ I sighed.

‘Sorry, I know you hate it, but I promised them I’d bring you over.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me? You know I don’t like a fuss.’

‘Because I promised them I would, and anyway, it’ll be nice, your mum has made a cake and your dad’s got the rum out.’

‘It’s not my birthday.’

‘Who cares, there’s cake and rum.’

‘You don’t drink rum.’

‘I’m open to trying it.’

‘Jesus,’ I said as I got out of Una’s car and made my way behind her up the garden path and towards the goldfish bowl that was my parents’ house.

I could see everyone watching me. When I say everyone, I mean my mum and dad, who had a glass of rum already in his hand, Mrs O’Callaghan and Niall, who were stood looking as awkward as I felt. Oh, and Maggie Ryan, who was sandwiched between Niall and my dad.

‘Maggie bloody Ryan,’ Una whispered. ‘It’ll be awho’s doing itinstead of awhodunit. You don’t think your dad calls the number, do you?’

‘Fuck off,’ I said under my breath as we approached them.

My mum came running over with her arms open. She pulled me into them with a tight squeeze.

‘Oh, love!’ she beamed. ‘I’m so proud of you.’

‘Hi, Mum,’ I said into her hair. ‘You really didn’t need to do all of this.’

‘It’s just a few sandwiches. Niall’s here, I’ve wiped all the cutlery,’ she said with one breath into my ear.

‘Thanks, Mum. Why is Maggie here?’

‘Not now, love, Maggie and Ron have separated.’

‘Did he find out about the cards?’

My mother gave me a glare and then walked me over to everyone else like she was announcing some kind of royal appearance. Niall couldn’t hide how awkward he felt, my dad raised his glass and gave me a wink, Mrs O’Callaghan gushed about my adventures and how brave I was, and Maggie Ryan hovered behind like she wanted to be anywhere else but there.

ChapterSixty

When Una pulled up outside Anickuna Cottage the sky had turned from milky pink to bruised blue and I could barely keep my eyes open. Not because I was drunk, I’d not drunk a drop of alcohol at my parents’ house, but I was so tired that I felt like I had.

By the time I’d checked the whole house, and the toilet (to see if Niall had done a poo or not (he hadn’t) and also if he’d cleaned the splashback that he swore blind he hadn’t left (he hadn’t), Una was well and truly ready to leave and go home.

‘Just go to bed and don’t think about it,’ she said at my front door.

‘I will once I’ve finished.’

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