Page 135 of To Hell With It

‘That was a lie too. We were going to go for one, I organised it, but he had to leave.’

‘His loss,’ Niall said. ‘Thanks for coming.’ He looked down at Mr O’Callaghan’s grave. ‘My mum wanted me to speak at his funeral.’

‘Do you wish you had?’

‘No, I think I would have blurted it all out in anger. I was so drunk.’

‘Probably best you didn’t then.’

Niall nodded but kept his eyes fixed on Mr O’Callaghan’s grave.

‘Why don’t you get it all out now?’ I said.

‘Now?’

‘Yes.’

‘And say what?’

‘Oh, I don’t know, if it was me I’d say something like, “Mr O’Callaghan, your cock gave me OCD”,’ I said loudly, and a crow flew out of a tree above our heads in a flappy panic. But it didn’t fly away. It landed on the next tree along. ‘There goes my grandmother,’ I said.

‘What?’

‘Never mind. Your turn.’

Niall cleared his throat.

‘Why did you do it, Dad?’ he asked.

‘It might be best not to ask a question. He can’t answer you,’ I interrupted. ‘Just tell him how you feel.’

‘I can’t get the vision of Maggie Ryan sucking your cock out of my head, Dad,’ Niall said. ‘It’s stuck there, and it’s your fault, and I hate you for it and for doing that to Mum.’

‘Keep going,’ I whispered, and it was only then that I realised I had my hand on Niall’s toned arm.

‘And I saw your cum.’

‘You saw your dad’s cum?’ My mouth dropped open.

‘Yes.’

‘Jesus.’

‘Niall, I don’t know if this will help you, but maybe Maggie Ryan and your dad loved each other? Maybe it wasn’t some sordid affair, maybe it was a love affair?’

I watched him ponder over what I had said.

‘But he still cheated on my mum.’

‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I know. But maybe they weren’t happy? You never know, maybe your mum wasn’t happy either?’

‘She loved him.’

‘Yes, but that doesn’t mean she was happy. Try and think about it in a different way, it might help let it go.’

‘How do I let it go though?’

‘You let it go down the river,’ I said.

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