Page 59 of To Hell With It

I made my way to the departure lounge – I’d go as far as saying I walked there with ease – I avoided the toilets and headed straight to the flight board. There it was: flight 496 to Auckland.

There was a small café next to a bar on the other side. Huge, green tropical plants separated them and I liked that they made me feel hidden. I sat down at a table closest to the trees. A woman appeared beside me with a tiny notepad. I ordered a green tea and a ham sandwich with a banana because they didn’t have cheese and pickle. I hadn’t realised how hungry I was having turned down the breakfast on the plane in fear of needing a poo.

I pulled out my phone and turned it on. Una’s name flashed on the screen straight away followed by fifteen text messages in succession.

I’m at quiz night. Text me when you land at KWL. Love you lots! PS: Shaun is here.

He hasn’t talked to Carmel once, she’s trying to get his attention, though, you should see her it’s so cringeworthy!! (Poor Richie).

He keeps looking over.

I’m going to go outside for a fag to see if he talks to Carmel when I’m gone.

I’m outside. He’s not looked at her once!

Ian’s called last orders and I’m going home because I’ve had far toooo much to drinkk.

Fuck. I’m home and Shaun has just texted me saying hello!

He’s sent another one. It says I looked goo

I’m not replying.ext

OMG he text again!

I still haven’t replied. He can feck off.

He says he wants to talk.

He wants to come over. Fuck, should I let him? Jesus, you’re on the bloody

plane. WHERE ARE YOU THE ONE BLOODY TIME I NEED YOOOU!! I’m not letting him come over.

Should I?

I typed my reply with firm taps, even though I knew it was too late. Una would either be with Shaun, or she’d be asleep.

NO!

* * *

Five hours wasn’t actually that long to wait in an airport like Kuala Lumpur airport. There was so much to see. It was like a giant shopping centre with glass lifts that looked like spaceships and jungle gardens that made me feel quite Zen. I’d avoided the toilets until the very last minute and by the time my flight to New Zealand was called I was more than happy to board it.

I knew that Una would have been fast asleep (hopefully alone), and I’d prayed that she’d had the sense not to allowShaun did everything butover to her house, even though deep down I think I already knew that she had. Maybe she needed to. Maybe she needed to give him another chance to know that he was not the man for her.

My flight to New Zealand was ten hours and seventeen minutes long. I’d planned on watching two films and then read for an hour, and hopefully sleep for the rest of the journey. I ate in the café (homity pie) so that I could avoid the food on the plane because how could I wipe and sanitise discreetly so close to a stranger? There would be no way to hide that.

When I heard my phone ting I thought that Una must have got my message after all but when I looked down it was Niall’s name on the screen.

You’ve left your bathroom window open.

I stared at his text. I couldn’t have. I’d checked everything before I’d left but even as I ran over it in my head I knew what I’d done. I had meant to shut it after my shower but had left it open to get rid of the steam and then my head had been so full of what I was doing I had forgotten to go back and shut it. Panic stirred inside me. If it rained the floor would flood and then I’d have to get somebody in – while I wasn’t there – to sort it out, and I couldn’t cope with that. I couldn’t cope with not knowing what they’d touched or whether or not they’d sneezed. I’d rather it flooded.

I could hear the last call for my flight but the thud of my heart in my ears made everything seem muffled. I read Niall’s next message.

Do you want me to shut it?

I couldn’t think straight.

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