Page 63 of To Hell With It

You didn’t?

No.

Why not?

Because I was wearing boots.

Very funny. Did you take your boots off?

Yes.

And leave them outside?

Yes.

And did you sanitise your hands?

Ten times.

Ten?

I sneezed a couple of times.

Niall, I don’t know if you’re joking but can you just be straight with me?

I didn’t sneeze. But I did use your loo. Hope that’s OK.

For a wee?

Why do you need to know if it was for a wee?

Did you have a poo in my toilet, Niall?

I don’t feel comfortable talking about this.

Oh God, Niall did you shit in my toilet or not?

Not.

Did you clean any splashback?

I don’t leave splashback.

All guys leave splashback.

Not this one.

Right. And the taps?

Washed and dried.

You dried the taps?

No, my hands, and I washed the taps too, Pearl, what is this all about?

Don’t worry. Thanks for shutting the window.

OK.

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