Page 125 of Savior

He dismisses me with a flick of the hand, and I’m on my feet in a flash. He does not take kindly to being disobeyed.

My walk back to my car is strange. I feel like I’m in a world I thought I understood until now.

Nothing I believe, even about my vows, seems… right.

It’s upturning my life and my beliefs even more.

I get in the car and head to where I’ll always find solace in the storm.

My mother’s.

She knowssomething is amiss when she opens the door, as mothers always do.

“What is it? What has happened?”

I fall to my knees, burying my face in the warmth of her stomach as I shatter.

She doesn’t say a word. Her hands come down in comfort into my hair.

“Shh, it will be alright. You’re home now,” she coos.

It doesn’t cease the onslaught of emotion, however. It only gets worse now that I’m here with her.

Over an hour later, I’ve collected myself, and we’re sitting in the kitchen, where I finally tell her everything. I don’t leave out any sordid detail.

It has to happen even if John never lets me live my mistakes down because she tells him.

“Oh, Luca. I didn’t want this life for you. The guilt you have because you’ve found something so pure is absurd. I understand your calling. Even I find the grandeur of St. Andrews calming and welcoming, almost otherworldly, but it’s no life I ever wanted to watch one of my sons live. Because you’re not living.”

“I am living, Mama. I’m living for the lord.”

She shakes her head. “And if you’re not meant to? You said yourself you choseher.”

I swallow. “I did. I do. I—” The situation with her being missing and Ardesia himself unsure of how to go forward has me at a pause.

I can’t go toe to toe with a man like Matteo Barone.

That, I know.

“How are we going to get her back, then?” Mama asks with a smirk and a flush on her cheeks.

Tears culminate again. I shrug.

I had left no detail out.

She knows Matteo has her and that even the Grim Reaper of New York is treading lightly not to start a massive war between thefamilies.

“I don’t know, Mama. I truly don’t.”

“Well, I think you know what your first steps are, right?”

Talking about this, thinking about this, while all the while I know unspeakable things could be happening to Sloane as we speak, has me on the fucking edge. But it must be done.

“John’s never going to let me live this down, you know? Leaving the faith.”

Mama smiles. “Well, what are brothers for, hm?”

I scrub my hands through my hair, images of Sloane tied up, bloodied, or worse, sweeping through my head.

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