Page 66 of Savior

My eyes cast over her room again, pulling back the shower curtain as if she’s hidden behind it for some ungodly reason. “I know, Ardesia. Don’t you think I know that? We had a…disagreement. I didn’t know she was going to run.”

“Disagreement?”

I swallow. I don’t think the information is pertinent, so I keep my lips sealed.

“Father Russo, what happened between the two of you?” Ardesia asks, and I swallow again, heat flushing into my cheeks.

“I don’t think that’s important. I just need you to find her.”

“It is important because it gives me an idea of how far she ran or where she ran to. What happened?”

That’s a loaded fucking question.

“She’s a very unnerving young lady, that’s all I’ll say,” I admit, my entire body now flushing at the idea she’d run because of something I had said to her last night.

I hadn’t bothered to check on her all day. I thought it was best to go on about my daily business, leaving her to her owndevices. It wasn’t until I returned from the confessional to eat lunch that I realized she hadn’t come out of the room yet.

“Listen,” Ardesia says, and I note an air of amusement in his tone. “I got her back for you. I saved her for you. I can’t keep running after her whenever you lose track of her, Father Russo.”

“Luca!” I shout into the phone, forgetting who I’m speaking to. “Please, call me Luca,” I say, softer.

“Oh, and the way you call me Ardesia and not Slate is going to convince me to do so?” he snaps back, and I shake my head.

“I’m sorry. I’m out of sorts today.”

“Luca,” he starts, clearing his throat and lowering his voice, “did something else happen with the girl other than what you’ve said?”

Shame peppers me like buckshot.

“I don’t need details,” he goes on. “But I need to know if she’s no longer safe in your custody.”

The audacity of this man… I cut off the thought when I realized he was not wrong. Is she safe with me? I’d prayed on her vulnerability no better than a man dying of thirst that finally came upon freshwater. I hadn’t the barest hint of restraint when it came to her, and I’d given into fleshly temptation quicker than I’ve ever knelt to sin before in my life.

“Yes. Things happened between her and me I’m not proud of. It’s what the disagreement was over. I told her she was using me as a soft place to land, and I couldn’t be that for her. You know my vows…” I trail off as he chuckles darkly on the other side of the line.

“I’m sorry.” He clears his throat. “It’s just I know a few of youmen of the cloth,and you’re the only one with that moral dilemma out of the handful of you I deal with. The others live an entirely different life outside the church’s shadow.”

I know that better than anyone, but I don’t want to be like them.

I’ve always strived to take my vows seriously. To be the man God wants me to be.

But I’m still human, and being so makes me weak in the flesh.

“What do you want me to do? Go get her?” Ardesia asks.

I flounder for words, not knowing the right thing to do. “She’s not safe out there, is she?” I ask him.

“No. She’s not. Matteo knows I’m hunting for him, and he’s gone into hiding. But I’ll bet everything I have that he’s looking for her, Luca. She’s not safe until I have him handled.”

“How did I fuck this up so bad?” The question—while said aloud—is meant for me.

“Because you like her,” I hear Brynne—Ardesia’s wife—say on the other end, and it’s when I realize Ardesia has me on speaker. Now, two people know of my treacherous behavior with Sloane.

“I don’t… I can’t like her, Brynne. It’s only that…” I can’t find the words, and I hear Brynne chuckle on the other end, getting louder, as she’s probably taken the phone from Ardesia now.

“You’re a man who is attracted to a woman and is grappling with that fact because it’s in direct conflict with whom you are and what you do. I get it. But in my experience, Father, living means breaking out of the shell you’re hiding in and experiencing the world around you. What if you weren’t meant to do this? What if she was your fate the entire time? God works in mysterious ways. Isn’t that what you told Ardesia once? You have to trust that the things in your path are there for a reason.”

I smile brightly, even though she can’t see it through the phone call. “Since when did you get so wise?”

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