Page 12 of Sabastian

Chapter 6

Cameron

When the cute and super-hot young dude refused my drink, I thought it was the end of my goal of romance-a-man tonight.One who I’d been more than interested in.I smiled, sipped my drink, listened to the soft piano music, however, Moonlight Sonata made me moody and sad, and even sadder when the piano player sang “Autumn Leaves.”I didn’t want to think about Brett.I wanted to think about life, about living, and having some pleasure for once.It had been a year when I dared dream of another man.How long should you mourn?

His sister, Dolly, said it was too soon to think about another relationship.

I was wondering the logic of confiding in her anyway.She had been hurt about Brett’s passing, and didn’t consider my empty feelings and the hole left in my heart and my desire to fill it.

One day she came and took Brett’s little dog because she said I traveled and I couldn’t give it the attention and love it deserved.She might have been right, but that was for me to say and not her.

Returning to my thoughts about moving on, and dealing with the reality of how I was feeling now, I gazed at that guy who reminded me ofmySabastian.I said mine because in my mind he belonged to me, and since he was a fantasy I didn’t have to share him with anyone.That dude I’d been eyeing gave me a different perspective, and I wanted to know him better, and I didn’t care how Dolly felt about me having someone in my bed.A living person was better to take to bed than a picture.

As much as that thought lifted me, this piano music brought me down.The liquor did thatso why listen to this funeral march,I thought.

Leaning over, I pulled a hundred from my pocket and dropped it in the piano player’s tip glass.I mumbled, “Play something different.Play something that doesn’t have me jumping off a cliff.”The guy dressed in a black suit with a stiff white shirt smiled, nodded his head, and winked, and changed the tune to something upbeat.

The piano player continued playing, and then said, “What about this tune?‘Someone You Love’.”

“Much better,” I complimented.Just the song I wanted to hear and the title suited it.

When I sat up with a new frame of mind, two dudes who appeared to be interested in me, eyed me and I smiled, and they sauntered over, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the one guy who got away, and the one guy who reminded me of Sabastian.I guessed it was like that sometimes with me, always wanting the man who appeared to be unattainable.

It was that way with Brett.I took him for granted until he wasn’t there anymore for me to lean on, and tell him my wishes and dreams whenever I came home.

Today wasn’t the time to think about Brett, but to feel a body next to mine which hadn’t happened in over a year.Therefore, I made myself content with the guys who were interested in me for obvious reasons.If nothing else, I’d have company, and someone to talk to, drink with, or maybe if I got drunk enough I’d go to bed with the one who appealed to me the most.They were close to my age, and we could talk about familiar things, but I could tell one wanted more than a conversation, but they were both tops like me, and since they weren’t my type I wrote them off, because all I wanted was a one-night stand anyway.If I couldn’t have the boy I’d initially wanted to be with, I couldn’t justify going to bed with someone when I wasn’t into them, and both appeared to be more needy than I had been.

I didn’t want to have sex and then have them cry on my shoulder as I had done once.I couldn’t give them what they needed, and therefore I said, “It’s nice meeting you, give me your number, and when I’m in town, I’ll look you up.”They weren’t shocked.They understood because it seemed they wanted to hookup tonight and not a month or two later.

After I’d spoken with both men I knew they were as shallow as most of the men I’d come into contact with lately, and that was why I found it best to confine myself to work, and watch my hot man from a distance, and dream about meeting him one day.I knew I was playing it safe, but I didn’t want to get involved with anyone where I would have to be in one place all the time.

I needed a man who could travel with me, and I just hadn’t found that guy yet.

I knew it didn’t make sense when I had a lot of options.There were men who wanted to date me, but that was because I owned Westlake’s clothing stores in the US and Canada, and they assumed I had money.That could be a trap having too much money, and lacking a life to share it with someone that you wanted.

My partner Brett had died unexpectantly of a heart attack at fifty.He understood I had to work, and we were a great partnership with him holding down the home front, taking care of the house, and throwing parties whenever I returned.He loved that kind of thing, because he was a professional decorator, and even though he didn’t need to work, he did in his own business to have his own money and keep active.

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