Page 40 of Offering Herself to Darkness

“The way I took you so roughly—the way I wouldn’t stop even when you begged me to.” The words seemed to stick in his throat but he had to get them out. “I let my W’rx half get the better of me. I never should have done such a thing.”

“Oh, well…” She shifted in her seat and winced. “Yeah, I’m going to be a little sore for a while. And we’re really lucky you didn’t, you know, get me pregnant.” Her cheeks went pink as she spoke and she gave him a sidelong glance, as though she was still shy or uncertain of him, even after all they had done together.

You mean what you did to her. Is it any wonder she’s uncertain of you now? the voice in his head demanded.

“What I did was unforgivable,” he said in a low voice. “I refused to stop, even when you told me to. I filled you with my knot and my seed though you begged me not to.”

Nora’s cheeks got even pinker.

“Look, can we not talk about it now? Right this minute I’m just really focused on getting back to Anna,” she told him. “I promise we’ll talk it all out later, but right now I just need to get back to my little girl.”

“Of course.” Xarex nodded. Clearly what had happened between them was too painful for her to contemplate. No wonder she didn’t want to talk about it and preferred to occupy her mind with other things.

But inside he was still filled with shame and self-loathing. He had let the W’rx part of him win and had become what the Kindred hated more than anything else—a Broken One.

I should get my emotion damper fixed as soon as we get back to the Mother Ship, he thought. I’m clearly too dangerous without it. I don’t deserve the luxury of emotions.

But maybe he was just trying to get away from the feelings of shame and self-hatred—did he deserve to not feel the consequences of his actions? That didn’t seem right to Xarex.

Maybe he should just inform Nora that their time together was over and leave her and her daughter in peace. After all, their contract had specified that once a cure was found for Anna, he and Nora would go their separate ways. And as long as he put sufficient distance between them, he couldn’t be a danger to her.

That was probably the best thing to do, he decided. He would continue to bear the negative emotions he himself had caused and, once it was certain that Anna was healing, he would exit Nora’s life completely.

Though the thought of losing her made him feel like a rough fist was squeezing his heart, he knew it was the best thing for both of them. Clearly, he couldn’t be trusted with a bride like other Kindred could. And besides, Nora already had a complete family with her daughter and her mother. She didn’t really need him.

Not the way I need her, he thought and felt the fist around his heart squeeze even harder.

He thought of telling her his plans…but then decided not to. He didn’t want to spoil the happy, hopeful look on her face. Clearly she was thinking of her daughter and anticipating getting back to her with the Bloom, which was still shining brightly.

I’ll wait until after Anna gets a favorable diagnosis, he thought.

For now, he would keep his dark thoughts and his plan for the end of their time together to himself and only he would bear the pain.

It was the only thing he could decently do.

25

NORA

Aside from his stilted apology, Xarex was strangely quiet on the flight back home. Luckily, it didn’t take long. Once the Mother Ship folded space for them, they left the orbit of Primus Nine and appeared not far from Earth’s moon, where the Mother Ship was orbiting, almost instantaneously.

The long-range shuttle had barely landed before Nora was scrambling out of it, still holding the precious Flower of Healing carefully to be sure it wasn’t hurt. It was still glowing and its gorgeous, indescribable fragrance was strong. She only hoped that it really could cure Anna. She didn’t even care that she was wearing nothing but Xarex’s oversized uniform shirt—literally nothing else mattered but getting the cure to her little girl.

The minute her bare feet met the cold metal floor of the Docking Bay, she saw Dr. Liv standing there, waiting. She must have heard from someone that Xarex had called and asked the Mother Ship to fold space so she had known to come and meet them. There was an anxious look on the doctor’s face that made Nora’s heart almost stop with sheer anxiety.

“What is it? What’s wrong? Is Anna okay?” she asked, running to where Liv was standing.

“She had an especially bad attack, but she’s stable now.” Liv squeezed her arm. “But if that’s the Flower of Healing, we need to use it as soon as possible. I think her PC has advanced significantly in the past day or so.”

Nora felt a rush of panic.

“Oh my God—come on—we have to go to her. Is she in the Med Center?” she asked all in one breath.

Dr. Liv nodded.

“Yes, come on.”

She hurried away and Nora rushed to keep up with her. She didn’t even notice Xarex standing there beside the shuttle. In her defense, all her attention was rightfully on Anna. However, if she had spared even a single glance behind her and seen the look on the Dark Kindred’s face, she would have known that something was very, very wrong.

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