Page 60 of Rules

"Unprofessional?" She laughs, but it's a hollow sound. "That's what you're going with? I'm not one of your deputies, Tobias. This wasn't a damn performance review."

I glance at Joey, who's found a toy and is happily playing, oblivious to the storm brewing between his humans.

"Please, just let me go," I say quietly. "This was... it can't happen again."

Ruth moves with startling speed, planting herself directly in my path to the door. "No. You do not get to leave without an explanation. Not this time."

She raises herself to her full height, chin lifted defiantly, arms crossed over her black lace bra. The fierce determination in her eyes makes my chest ache. Part of me wants to gather her in my arms, confess everything—my fears, my insecurities, the truth about why I've been pushing her away. The other part of me says leave, leave now. Remember, to keep her safe is to care about her.

Instead, I choose the second option and fortify the walls around my heart.

"I apologize for my behavior," I say formally, as if reporting to a superior. "It was inappropriate."

"WHAT?" Her eyes narrow. "Why do you keep doing this? We get close, things heat up, and suddenly you can't get away fast enough. Why?" She glares at me. "What are you not telling me?"

"Last time I got called away," I pointed out weakly.

"After you'd already started pulling back," she counters. "Tobias, just tell me the truth. Are you interested in me or not?"

Yes. God, yes. Everything about her makes me feel alive and I haven't felt this in fifteen years.

"Ruth, please get dressed." I try changing tactics, averting my eyes from her.

"I don't give a damn about being dressed right now. Answer the question, Tobias." Her stance widens, chin jutting forward. "The number of times you've pulled this bullshit, you owe me an explanation. So?"

"I don't owe—" I stop myself. "Ruth, don't make me do this."

"Do what? Tell the truth? Is that so hard for the upstanding Sheriff Trenton?" Her eyes flash. "You know what? I never took you for a coward."

The word hits like a physical blow. I've been called many things in my life, but never that. My pride flares, momentarily overriding my caution. Before I can stop myself, the lie slips out:

"Fine, I'm not attracted to you."

Ruth steps back as if slapped. "Bullshit."

"I'm sorry, Ruth. I'm just not." I fix my gaze on Joey, unable to look her in the eye while flat out lying so blatantly.

"Then explain your erection," she challenges, voice tight. "Explain your fingers inside me. Twice. Explain why you locked the door and kissed me like you were dying of thirst." Her whole demeanor changes. "Did you do that just to prove you could? I told you my secret. Was this a male ego thing for you? Is that what this is?"

"No, Ruth, no not at all," I answered, hoping she would sense my honesty.

"Then what is it?"

I remain silent, scrambling for a response that won't sound as pathetic as it feels.

Her voice softens dangerously. "Tobias, I thought we had something. I thought you felt it too."

The vulnerability in her tone nearly breaks my resolve. It would be so easy to tell her the truth—that I'm terrified of what others might think, that I've spent my entire adult life crafting an image that doesn't allow for dating a woman thirteen years younger. I rehearse a sentence in my head about her not being safe with me. But it sounds so feeble I can't bring myself to say it.

I know the moment I admit it's about age, she'll argue against it. She'll tell me thirteen years isn't that much. She'll point out we're both consenting adults. She'll make perfectly reasonable arguments that I have no logical counter for.

And I'm not ready to confront that particular truth about myself. So instead, I let her draw her own conclusion from mysilence. It's the coward's way out I know it is but since she said it, I might as well roll with it.

"I see," she says quietly, and the resignation in her voice cuts deeper than anger would have. "It's because I'm not thin, isn't it? You're telling me you're not attracted when clearly your body says different. Which means YOU can't admit you like bigger girls."

The hurt in her eyes is unbearable. I open my mouth to deny it. To tell her that her curves are perfect, that I've imagined my hands on them since the first time I saw her, but she cuts me off.

"Don't," she says, holding up a hand. "Don't lie anymore. Your silence has said everything." Her eyes shine with unshed tears. "I never expected this from you, Tobias. Never. I thought you liked me." She bends to retrieve her dress, her movements stiff with dignity. "Stupid me, I thought you liked my curves. I was completely wrong." She points at me, her dress hanging from her hand. "You're pathetic. You know what you like but I'd bet you can't allow yourself to be seen with a plus size girl on your arm."

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