Page 61 of Rules

This went the totally wrong way. "Ruth, that's not–" She cuts me off.

"GET. OUT." The words are quiet but firm. "Get the fuck out and don't ever, ever come back."

I stand frozen, knowing I should correct her misunderstanding but paralyzed by the consequences of the truth. Which is worse—letting her believe I'm shallow enough to reject her based on her body, or admitting I'm weak enough to let others' opinions dictate my happiness?

"I. SAID. GET. OUT!" Her voice breaks on the command, and Joey startles, darting beneath a nearby table.

It's the final push I need. Head bowed in shame, I turn and walk out, each step heavier than the last. By the time I reach thefront door, I can hear her sobs from the back room. The sound will haunt me.

Outside, the evening air is cool against my burning face. I lean against my truck, the self-loathing so intense I can barely breathe.

Three mistakes in one night: touching her when I knew I shouldn't, lying about why we couldn't be together, and worst of all—letting her believe something horribly untrue about herself rather than admitting the truth about me. For a man who's built his life on rules and doing the right thing, I've just broken my own moral code in the worst possible way.

Chapter 22

Ruth

I alternate between crying and cursing Tobias out the entire way home. I make one stop where I barely keep it together as I buy three bags of Cheetos, two Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice creams, a Hershey's bottle of chocolate syrup, and a large can of peach iced tea. Now I'm in my pajamas, sitting on the floor in front of my sofa with my favorite king-sized lime green fuzzy blanket tucked under my feet and thrown backward over my head. When I'm really upset, I hide myself from the world, cocoon myself from the pain. And tonight, I'm beyond upset.

"That fucking jerk," I growl, smashing my teeth down on a particularly large Cheeto. "I don't want you to ever talk to him again. No wiggling, no whining and definitely no licking. None.We're through with him." I eat another Cheeto, sharing a tiny piece with Joey who only licks the cheese off. I both admire and hate his willpower.

"This is where we live now, Joey. I'm not going out ever again. You know why? Because if I did go out, I would end up going to jail for punching the Sheriff. Damn jerk." The tears freely flow down my cheeks. I've given up wiping them away. "Of course, I would be tried by a jury of my peers. Which means plus size ladies who have been hurt by the men they care about." I shine my phone down at Joey who has his head leaned to one side listening to me. Or waiting for another Cheeto. Either way at least he cares. "You're right, I'd get off scot free."

A spoonful of ice cream. "You know, he could have," sniffling, "that damn coward, he could have just said, 'hey fatty I'm not—'" I blow my nose. "I'm not interested. But nooo, what does he do? He gives me the best orgasms of my life, then bails. BAILS! Stupid fucker." I head straight into an ugly cry. Joey crawls up on my lap, offering me comfort by licking the left-over Cheetos cheese off my face.

Picking up my partially melted ice cream, I leave the spoon this time choosing to use Cheetos as my spoon.

"Is it against the law to play with someone when you aren't interested? Huh?" I fill my mouth with a loaded Cheeto. "But, wait, he had a hard-on and men don't get hard-ons unless they are interested. The penis picks!" I shove more ice cream into my mouth as I sob. "And the way he kissed me."

"That kii-sss it, it, it meant," I try to take a breath but end up taking several quick small ones. "Some-thing. It meant something. Soft and caring. Not, I can't stand your fat ass.'" Wiping my nose with the back of my hand, I instinctually wipe off my cheeks too. "Well, my fat ass doesn't care about him at all." The sobs pick up knowing that was a lie.

"You know what Joey? That's what I get for liking someone. For wanting someone in my life. Someone like him." I take a drink of my tea, then shove a handful of Cheetos in my mouth. Giving Joey a small piece which he eats perched across my knees. "I'll just shove my tongue down your throat, spank your ass and drive my fingers into you over and over. ALL because you're AN OBESE WHALE. FUCK YOU TOBIAS!"

The tears overspill and run down my cheeks. My breathing is like violent hiccups.

"I really liked him." I sob, bringing my hands to my face as I cover my eyes with my palms. Then wipe away the tears making sure not to use the cheese-stained side of my hand. I take a few deep breaths.

"No, no, I'm not going to cry over someone who acts like that. No," The tears slide down my cheeks and nose. "If he wants to be an ass, then fine be an ass, but be an honest ass. Not a damn liar!" I sit in the dark under my blanket and sniffle. Joey rushes out of the hole I made earlier for him. He's not new to our blanket times. He knows how to get in and out.

"Ruth?" I hear my auntie's voice. "Where is she, Joey?"

I hear her walk across the kitchen tile. "Ruth?" Since I have been doing this blanket routine since I was a kid, I know that as soon as she sees the big lumpy blanket, she will know exactly where I am. That and I'm sure Joey will rat me out and show her.

Joey runs back under the blanket. Traitor.

"Ruth." Her voice sounds concerned.

"Yes," I say, then start crying again.

"Honey, what happened?" I feel my auntie sit on the footstool right next to me. "Ruth, come out from under there and talk to me."

I drag the blanket down over my head and pool it on my lap.

Looking up into my auntie's face, her normal loving, caring face has become a look of shock.

"Good night a livin', what happened to you?" She stares at me.

"What?" I whisper.

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