Page 94 of Rules

She extended her hand, which I shook automatically. "Thank you for your time, Sheriff. I'll be sending my report to the Commissioner, but I'd be happy to schedule a follow-up session if you find it beneficial."

"I'll... consider it," I said, surprising myself with the realization that I meant it.

Outside, the rain had stopped, and watery sunlight was breaking through the clouds. As I drove back toward Whispering Pines, Dr. Salinger's question kept repeating in my mind: What would it cost me to choose differently this time?

I thought about Ruth, about the hurt in her eyes when I'd pushed her away. About my refusal to acknowledge what I truly wanted because I was afraid of losing control, of what others might think, of making a mistake. The truth was, I'd alreadymade the mistake. I'd hurt her, pushed her away, all because I couldn't bear the thought of being vulnerable. Of needing someone.

Sitting at Joe's enjoying a drink while waiting for my cheeseburger, I spotted Clark as soon as he walked in. As soon as he saw me he headed straight for me.

"So, how was the session?" He said sitting down, uninvited.

"How did you know I was here?" I asked but he was too busy giving his order to the waitress who had run over. Apparently a perk of the Police Commissioner eating in a cop bar.

"Where else are you going to eat? You love Joe's burgers." Clark smiled a wide smile. "Fill me in," he rubbed his hands together.

"Not on your life."

"Why?"

"Why? You made me come here." I growled.

"Yes I did." Clark leaned forward placing his forearms on the table. "Can you honestly tell me it wasn't helpful?"

"I don't know. Maybe it was, maybe it was a waste of time." No way was I going to admit to him it was helpful talking to Dr. Eva. Clark would have me up here weekly.

"A maybe from you is as good as a yes." He slapped the table. "I'll take it." The waitress set down a beer and Clark took a long drink. "Now, tell me about this woman you're interested in."

"No." I glared at him.

"Ohhhh, I know you and if I'm getting that kind of response that means you either really like her or you've messed up and ruined it." Clark looked giddy waiting for my answer.

"Dr. Eva said I should allow more people into my personal life." I pointed at him. "You're in my personal life. Now, why would I want more of you?"

"Ha! Because I'm great and you know it."

I did know it. Make a different choice, I told myself. "Alright, I'll tell you." I proceeded to tell Clark all about Ruth, I told him everything, other than the most juicy details. About her age, my mess up, the grocery store and what Holly thought.

"First, thank you for sharing." Clark held up a hand. "I know that took a lot." I rolled my eyes.

"I saw that. Second, what's the problem? She sounds fantastic for you."

"Her age?"

"Who cares. Tobias, stop living in the dark ages. Nowadays once you're past thirty no one cares. And the ones who do care can go suck themselves." Clark shook his head. "Don't you miss having someone at home to talk to?"

I nodded my head.

"Well then, what do you have to lose if you make a different decision about Ruth?"

"That's what Dr. Eva said."

"I know, she's smart, that's why I sent you to her."

We spent the rest of the night talking about old times and our kids. It was almost ten when I made it to my hotel. Tired from all the introspection I quickly changed and got into bed.

Two hours later my phone rang, interrupting my sleep. Picking it up I had to blink to focus. Holly's name flashed on the screen.

"Holly?" I asked, looking at the time. I was immediately alert. "What happened?"

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