Page 35 of Heart Strain

I chuckle. “Sounds about right.” I lean over to Drix and mock-whisper, “You’ll have to tell me all Jameson’s secrets so we can gang up on him.”

“Not fair.”

I shrug with a grin, but then I see Jameson eyeing me and Drix, and he makes a weird face that I can’t interpret. “What’s wrong?”

He shakes his head. “Nothing.” He shrugs and looks at my brother. “He’ll be really happy to see you when he wakes up.”

My brow furrows in confusion. “I’ll be happy to see him, too.”

He glances at me. “I know you will.”

He still has a weird expression on his face, so I change the subject. “Alright, let’s go get some food. Peanut’s probably dying since we’ve been gone so long.” When Jameson nods in agreement, I kiss my brother’s forehead and whisper, “I love you. Wake up soon so I can punch you for worrying us so much.” I take a deep breath and repeat, “I love you, Drix.” I watch him for a moment, wishing that he’d wake up and say it back, but he doesn’t move at all. He doesn’t even squeeze my hand.

After Jameson whispers to Drix—I still don’t know what he says to him every day—and we straighten up the little mess we made, we head out to his car, pick up Peanut and some food, then go to Jameson’s house. Once all the pets are settled in, we make our plates and head into the living room. We don’t usually eat at the table when we’re here. I’m not sure why, but I kinda like being able to settle into the couch while we eat and hang out. I guess it feels homey. So different than the way it feels at my parents’ old house.

“Do you miss being home?” Jameson asks before he turns the TV on.

I slurp up my bite and swallow before I sit cross-legged on the couch so I can turn to face him. “Yeah, I do. It’s weird being away so long.”

He nods. “I can imagine that’s hard.”

I shrug. “It is what it is, you know?”

He nods again, then eats a bite of food, so I refocus on my own. He’s got a weird vibe coming off him and I don’t know where it’s coming from or what it’s about. I’m debating just asking him what’s going on, but he looks like he’s lost in his head, so I give him some time to think.

After a few minutes, I feel Jameson’s eyes on me, so I ask, “What’s up?”

“How long are you staying?”

My brow furrows as I lower my fork back to my plate. “What do you mean? I can stay until whenever tonight.” Jameson looks like he’s frustrated, and I don’t understand what’s going on in his head. We were fine a little while ago.

“No, I mean here, in Baltimore. You’ve been here, what? Four weeks already? So how long are you staying?”

“I took a leave of absence, so I can go back whenever I need to. And obviously I’m going to be here as long as Hendrix needs me.” What’s with the weird questions? It’s mybrother lying in the hospital bed; Jameson knows I’m not going anywhere.

He stares at me for a long moment, then sighs. “Okay, it’s just… I want to be prepared for when you leave again. Hendrix was a wreck last time.”

Seeing the sad look in his eyes makes guilt weigh down on me even though I don’t know what I’m feeling guilty for. “What exactly are you talking about?”

“When you left and didn’t come back home.” He looks angry, and I’ve never seen him look like that, especially not at me.

I open my mouth but no words come out and my brow furrows before I say, “My brother was fine.”

He huffs out a humorless, bitter laugh. “Right, he was just peachy.” He snorts and shakes his head, obviously being sarcastic.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You never came back.”

“When?”

He glares at me and my gut clenches as I realize his anger really is directed at me. I’m trying not to take it personally because I know sometimes anger comes out when you’re upset, and it’s not always aimed at the right person, but… but I don’t like that he’s pissed; I especially don’t like that he’s looking at me like that.

He takes a deep breath, then says, “You were supposed to come back home after you graduated. Hendrix talked about it the whole time you were away, and then you never did. You were supposed to come visit him when you left, too. But you didn’t do that either.”

I’m struck silent for a moment and when I find my voice, it’s quiet. “He’s the one that told me to go. He’s the one that told me not to waste my scholarship. Hendrix told me to leave.”

“Yeah, but not to stay away. How long was it before you came back home, Holden? Do you even know?” When I don’t say anything, he huffs again and shakes his head. “That’s what I thought. You didn’t come back for over two years. And somehow I know that and you don’t. Want to know how? Your brother was keeping track. You broke his heart.”

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