Page 44 of Heart Strain

He rolls his eyes, then smiles at me, and I smile back.

I’m so fucking grateful he’s okay. That’s what matters here, not what happened between Jameson and me. All that matters is getting my brother healthy.

* * *

It’s beenover a week since Hendrix woke up and he still isn’t able to walk. The doctors say he’s going to need a lot of physical therapy to get everything working again. Being shot and having to surgically remove the bullets had been bad enough, but since he was comatose for so long, his body is going to need to rebuild its strength.

So he’s going to need help.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” I say as I walk into Drix’s room.

“I’m alright.” He shrugs, then points to the bag I’m carrying. “What’s that?”

“I brought some games and a few puzzle books and stuff. I thought maybe you’d be up for a game or two?” I set everything on the table and look at him.

Drix looks toward the door, then back at me. “Where’s Jameson?”

My brow furrows. “He has that therapist appointment today, so he’ll be by later. Remember we told you yesterday?”

He squints his eyes, then nods his head. “I think I remember something like that.”

I turn away from him so he can’t see my frown. The doctors told us that he might experience some confusion and forgetfulness and maybe even lash out, so I understand it. But… seeing it is a different beast. I’ve been needing to repeat things three times, at least. I know it’ll pass, it’s just… I really fucking wish he was all better so I could bring him home.

“You okay, Holds?” he asks, his voice soft.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, I got lost in my head for a minute. Wanna play Yahtzee?”

“Sure.”

I smile and set everything up on his tray, then pull my chair close. It’s going to be a little awkward, but I don’t care.

After playing for a bit and making him laugh, I casually ask, “What do you think of me moving back?”

He pauses his hand that’s holding the dice and blinks at me. “You want to move back?”

“Yeah, I think I do.”

“Really? I thought you had a life up in Ithaca.”

“I do, and I love it there, but… but I love you more and I want to be close to you. I can’t stand the thought of moving away again.”

“You’re really going to stay?”

I take a deep breath. “Yeah, I am.”

His face lights up in a huge smile, and I instantly know I’m making the right choice even though it’s hard. “Holds, that’s great! I can’t believe you’re staying!” He reaches over and pulls me into a hug, so I wrap my arms around him and hold on tight. Feeling him against me and alive is a goddamn miracle.

This had been a tough decision to make, but one I needed to do. I’m so happy that I’m staying with my brother, but I’m sad that I won’t be going home again, and I’m dreading telling Gavin.

“You can stay with me for as long as you like,” he says when he releases me.

“Thanks. I’ll probably look for an apartment soon.”

“You don’t have to do that. I know I bought you out of the house when Mom and Dad died, but it’s still your house. You don’t have to pay for an apartment.”

I send him a smile, but don’t reply. How can I tell him that that house is actually my nightmare? How can I tell him that it’s the last place I’d ever want to live? How can I tell him that I’ve never felt at home there? How can I tell him that part of me is terrified to move back because Ithaca is the only place I’ve ever felt truly at home? Well, not the only place… Jameson’s house has felt like home, but I’ve gone and ruined that, too, just because I can’t keep it in my pants.

“Holds?”

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