Page 46 of Heart Strain

“Gee, thanks, Gav. I was over here thinking about how much I miss your face and you’re over there being an asshole.”

He grins. “Aww, you miss me.”

I roll my eyes. “Nope, I’m happy I don’t have to see your ugly mug every day anymore.”

He chuckles. “It’s weird not having you across the hall. You have no idea how many times I’ve walked into your apartment before remembering you’re not there.”

My heart’s in my throat because he’s not making this any easier. “I wish I was.” Peanut jumps up on my lap and licks the phone, making Gavin laugh.

“Hey, little Pea-Man, I miss you, too,” Gav says in his dog-voice.

Peanut whines a little, and it takes me a minute to calm him down so I can refocus on Gav.

My best friend stares at me for a few seconds, and I know he can tell something serious is going on because he whispers, “You’re still not sleeping, are you?”

I sigh. “No.”

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing, it’s… okay, so you know Drix has a long recovery ahead, right? He’s going to be in physical therapy and a million other things for a long time, so… so he’s going to need some help, you know?”

Gavin sighs as he stares at me with sadness but also with understanding. “You’re not coming home, are you?”

Melancholy overwhelms me, and I can’t speak for a minute. “I can’t leave him.”

“I get it,” he says as he drops the phone so I can only see the ceiling and not his face. He sounds so sad it breaks my heart.

“Gav…”

“I miss you so much already.” He’s crying; I can hear it in his voice.

“I miss you, too.”

He’s quiet for a moment before he picks the phone back up and whispers, “You’re the only family I have, Holds. Please don’t… please don’t forget about me.”

“Gavin, I would never fucking forget about you. I love you. You’re my family no matter where we’re living.” We’ve been family for years. He’s crazy if he thinks this changes anything. “I’m not that far away, and you know as soon as I find a place, you can stay here anytime you want.”

“You’ll come visit, too, right?”

“You know I will.”

“Promise?”

“You are my family, Gavin Carmichael. You always fucking have me in your corner, you always will.”

He nods, and after a minute, he wipes his tear-stained face. He seems to know he needs to change the subject so we stop crying because he says, “So… tell me how Mr. Hair Grabber’s doing.”

I groan. “Oh my god, I can’t believe I told you that. You weren’t supposed to bring that up again.”

“No, I’m not supposed to share it with anyone else, and I haven’t. I can talk to you about it, though.”

“Nope, no you can’t. Jameson and I are doing an awesome job of avoiding the conversation and pretending it never happened, so you need to pretend, too.”

He chuckles, then turns a little somber. “Stay on the phone until I fall asleep.”

I nod. “Sure.” If I was home, he’d probably be crawling into my bed right now to sleep beside me. He did that whenever he was upset about something or feeling particularly lonely, and right now I feel awful that I’m not there beside him. “I’m sorry I’m not there.”

“You’re right where you’re supposed to be. I’ll be okay, Holds. You know I will.” He sounds sure of himself, but I don’t miss the fact that he’d walked across the hall to my apartment and is now in my bed instead of his.

“As soon as I close out my lease, I’ll come up there to pack, so I’ll get to see you soon.”

“Okay.” He sighs. “Go to sleep, Holds. Everything will be fine.”

I want to believe him, but I’m not sure I do. Everything feels so temporary right now; it’s like I could pull a string and the whole thing, my whole life, would fall apart.

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