Page 73 of Heart Strain

I start drifting off, but before I fall entirely, I whisper, “I meant it; I love you.”

He tightens his hold on me and kisses my neck. “I love you, too.”

My heart feels light and free as I let myself fall into a deep sleep—more common now that I’m sleeping so often in Jameson’s bed.

* * *

“Make it stop,”I grumble at my boyfriend when a loud-as-hell alarm goes off.

“It’s your phone; not mine,” he mutters back.

“Where is it? It’s on your side. Please make it stop. I’m begging you.”

He huffs and moves around for a minute before the annoying sound finally cuts off.

“Thank fuck. Thank you,” I murmur, already half-asleep again.

He pulls me toward him until I’m lying on his chest with our arms around each other and our legs tangled under the sheet. Kissing my head, he asks, “Why’d you set your alarm so early?”

“Apartment hunting.”

“I know, but it’s only seven. You hate being up this early.”

“My first appointment is at eight-thirty, but I wanted to shower and eat and have coffee and get there early.” I yawn into his chest. “I’m already regretting it.”

His fingers begin running up and down my arm, and it feels so good, it’s hard to stay awake. “Why are you even looking for an apartment?”

I yawn and tap his chest a few times. “You know I hate staying at my parents’ old place.”

“Yeah, but… when’s the last time you spent the night there?”

After thinking about it, I shrug. “I guess when Gav was here? I think.”

“You don’t have to go apartment hunting.”

“Jameson, I can’t live in that house. I hate it, it makes me feel like a piece of garbage and I—”

He cuts me off, “Live with me.”

“What?” I say it way louder than I intend.

“Um… you don’t have to, but I… I think it would be awesome if you moved in with me.”

My tired brain is abruptly sharp and fully awake. “What? You want me to move in with you?”

With a slow nod he rubs his fingers over my cheek. “I love having you here. I love eating with you, going to bed with you, sharing a bed together, waking up together. I love it when you’re here and hate it when you’re gone. I love you, Holden. I’ve spent too much of my life alone and afraid, and I… I don’t want to waste a second of my time with you.” After searching my face for several seconds, he adds, “I understand if you’re not ready to move in with me yet, but just know that the offer is on the table.”

I stare at him with wide eyes. Is he serious? He wants me to live with him?

He smiles, but it looks sad, as if he knows I’ll reject his offer. “It’s alright, Holds. I don’t want you doing anything you’re not ready for. I know we haven’t been together very long. But… you know, in case you’ve forgotten, our animals do get along well and they love each other. They don’t like being apart either.”

One corner of my mouth lifts. “Are you really trying to use our pets to get me to move in with you?”

He sticks out his bottom lip in a little pout. “Think about how lonely Peanut is when he doesn’t have Nala and Simba.”

I laugh and shove a pillow in his face, making him chuckle loudly and push the pillow off before hugging me.

He kisses the top of my head and whispers, “I only want you to do what you think is right. Don’t say yes if you’re unsure or you don’t want to hurt my feelings. I don’t want to mess this up.” He squeezes me to tell me he means us. He doesn’t want to mess us up.

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