Page 46 of Digging Deeper

Aiden clears his throat before saying, “Okay, Weston twins, back to your corners. We’re not getting anywhere like this. I happen to agree with Jameson that Drix is crazy about Gavin—”

“Of course, I am,” I say, cutting him off, and earning a chuckle from Aiden, a smirk from Jameson, and wide, shocked eyes from my brother. “What? I never said I wasn’t into him. You said that.” I point at my brother accusingly.

Jameson steers Holds back to the loveseat and sits, pulling my brother onto his lap. “Did you by any chance tell Gavin that?” he asks conversationally.

“Um… he didn’t let me get that far before he stormed upstairs. By the time I got up there, he’d taken the dogs out and locked himself in his room.”

Choking on a laugh, Aiden says, “Dude, seriously? You should’ve led with that.”

Jameson nods while rolling his eyes, adding fuel to Aiden’s laughter. They both calm down when Holds says, “I don’t understand.”

Slumping back, I grip the head of my cane and wave it in the air in front of me. “What’s not to understand? I find Gavin extremely attractive—inside and out. But! He’s your best friend, and I know you two need each other. I didn’t want to date him in case it didn’t work out. And since my dating history is pretty abysmal, as you all like to point out, I didn’t want to risk that with Gavin. He looks sad enough as it is.”

“He’s not just sad, he’s broken,” Holds says softly.

“Why?” I ask, leaning forward urgently. I need to know why Gavin seems like he’s drowning in sorrow so often.

Holds stares at me. It feels endless, but it’s probably no more than a minute. Finally, he says, “That’s his story to tell when he’s ready. In the meantime, you have to go back and tell him that you do actually care about him. It’s not Gav’s normal M.O. to kiss someone he hasn’t been dating, more less make out.” He turns his gaze onto Jameson for a minute, before giving him a sweet kiss and then turning back to me. “I know it was strange for you waking up to me being home and panting after your best friend. And I know sometimes it’s still hard for you, but you’ve let us try despite how hard it could be for all of us if it didn’t work out. All I want in the world for Gav is for him to be happy and find someone to love him hard and protect his heart.”

He smiles at me, the first full genuine Holden smile I’ve gotten since we talked about our parents. Then he says, “Before you told me about Mom’s family secrets, I probably wouldn’t have been happy about you pursuing Gavin. I’m not even going to lie to you. You’re my twin, so you’d know. But now, after you telling me what you did to protect me from Mom, the sacrifices you made—”

“I didn’t sacrifice anything. You’re the one—”

“We were kids. It was up to the adults in our lives to do things the right way. You did what Dad asked you to do. Then it was just us dealing with tragedy and graduation and college. You didn’t do anything wrong but try to protect me, Drix. I know it’s taken me a few weeks to figure that out, but I do now. And what I know is this, it’s time for you to be one hundred percent you. And that means dating a man you find attractive.”

“Even if it’s your best friend?” I ask, battling tears.

“Especially if it’s my best friend. He needs a guy like you in his corner. And just like with me and Jameson, even if it doesn’t work out, I know it’ll be good while it lasts. You’re good men.” He glances at Jameson. “Honorable men,” he says as his eyes come back to mine. “All of you,” he finishes as his gaze moves to Aiden.

The room is silent after his little speech. Aiden is the one to break it with, “Damn, Holds. Way to reduce a bunch of grown-ass men to emotional basket cases.”

“Seriously, Holds,” I say. “We’re police officers. You can’t be making us all sappy.”

Jameson wraps his hand around the back of my brother’s neck and tips his head to press a kiss to his temple. When he sits back, he says, “So what does Drix need to do?”

Holds slaps his hands onto his thighs before standing up. “First, you eat. Then you have to go back and talk to him.”

“He won’t come out of his room.”

“So you talk through the door. Tell him how you feel, what you’re worried about, everything. He’ll come out. Trust me.”

And I do trust him, so I follow the guys toward the kitchen for brunch. After Aiden and Jameson walk away, Holds grabs my arm and stops me. “How are you doing with all of this, anyway? I’m sorry, I got so crazy about Gav that I forgot to ask you if you’re okay. It has to be different being with a man for the first time, huh?”

Any remaining doubts or hesitation I may have had toward the future of my and Holds’s relationship melts like ice on a hot summer day. We’re going to be fine, probably better than we’ve been since we were young boys. “You weren’t being crazy, you were being protective. I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.” I give his question the consideration it deserves before responding, “Honestly, until you just said something, I didn’t give it a second thought. I mean, obviously now that I think about last night, the hardness—”

“Eww, Hendrix! Don’t be that honest.”

“What’s wrong, lil bro? You don’t want details about your friend’s—”

“Stop. Stop. Stop,” Holds squeals while covering his ears.

I chuckle as I gently pull his hands down. “I was going to say his body, you goof.”

“Oh,” he says, shrugging.

“Anyway, I’ve always known I was attracted to men, so it’s not like it snuck up on me with Gavin. And as you all like to point out, I’ve dated a lot. I don’t tend to compare one person to another or anything, so… in my mind, it was a new experience with someone I’m growing to care about, notoh, it’s a man.”

Holds smiles and tilts his head toward the kitchen, so I walk past him and join our friends. After we eat, I pack up leftovers for Gavin, and Aiden drives me home to tackle this situation head on.

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