Page 30 of Digging Deeper

“Okay.” As I glance around the room, I remember something. “Oh, hold on a sec. Be right back.” I rush out of the room to head for the employee lounge where my locker is, then I grab my little prize and head back to Drix’s room since I still have a few minutes before my next patient is due to arrive. Since Drix has been so eager lately, I’ve been taking him to the gym earlier instead of saving him for last. Once I’m back in his room, I toss a bag at Drix, who catches it as I say, “I’ve been saving that for when you take that first step, so… here you go.” I wave at the candy bag he’s pulling out.

Drix chuckles. “Thank you. I can’t believe you got me more of this stuff. Are you trying to fatten me up?”

I roll my eyes. “Yep, that’s exactly what I’m doing. I like my men with a little meat on them.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, my eyes widen and my hand covers my lips like it could magically pull the words back in.

His eyebrows shoot up on his forehead as he blinks at me. “Is that right?”

“Um…” My heart is pounding in my chest at the expression on his face, and I have no idea what the hell I’m supposed to say; I’m at a total loss for words… of course,nowmy mouth has nothing to say.

“Gavin?” a nurse says, popping her head in. “Sophia is waiting for you in the gym.”

I breathe out a sigh of relief at the interruption. “I’ll be right with her, thanks.” She nods and heads back out, so I turn my focus back on the man that’s slowly driving me crazy. “That’s my cue. I’ll see you for dinner.” I rush away before he can respond.

While I’m working with Sophia, all I can think about is the look on Drix’s face when I made the meat comment. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that look was desire, but I know that can’t be right.

* * *

After Drix tellsHolds all the good news and my best friend showers his brother with hugs and praises, we all settle down to eat. I’m sitting between the twins with Jameson across from me, and every time I look up at Holds’s man, he smirks at me. I don’t know what the heck Jameson is thinking, but he’s starting to make me squirm in my seat.

I set my fork down and ask everyone, “Do you guys know a good apartment complex I could check out? I still don’t know the area very well.” I’ve been living here for months, but I hardly drive anywhere besides here, home, Holds’s place, and the grocery store.

Drix asks, “Why do you need to check out an apartment?”

I lift one brow at him. “Um, because you told me earlier that you’re coming home, so it looks like I’ll need to find a place to live.”

He blinks at me several times before his brow furrows. “I didn’t ask you to move out.”

“Um…” He’s managed to strike me speechless. Again. What is with him today?

“There’s enough room for both of us.”

“Are you serious?”

“Gav, I’m not kicking you out of your home just because I’m coming back there. What kind of monster do you think I am?”

“I don’t think you’re a… I… it’s just…” I look at Holds for help, but he’s only staring at me like I’m an idiot, so I turn to Jameson, but he only shrugs at me. I turn my attention back to Drix and ask, “Are you sure?”

He lifts one of his huge, muscular shoulders. “Yeah, of course. There’s plenty of room for both of us. Plus, I’m looking forward to meeting your little terrors.” When I sit in silence for too long, Drix gently pushes my shoulder. “Hey, are you alright?”

Am I? I really don’t know. There are so many emotions running rapidly through me that I can’t figure out what I’m feeling. But all I say is, “Yeah…” I lick my lips. “Yeah, I’m alright.”

The rest of the evening passes with the three of them talking and making plans for Drix’s return home, including Jameson building a wheelchair ramp out front, but I hardly say a word. Drix and Holds both keep shooting me worried glances, but all I can do is smile and shrug at their concerned looks while a million thoughts flit through my mind.

By the time I’m lying in my bed surrounded by my dogs, I can’t fall asleep. All I can think about is whether or not living here with Drix is a good idea. It’s not that I think I’ll hate living with him or that we’ll drive each other insane—because I’m sure we will—but that’s not what I’m worried about. All I keep thinking is how I’ve never had a good experience with living with someone else, like I’m bad luck or something. Despite Holds being my very best friend, he and I couldn’t live together. We tried years ago, but I drove him absolutely crazy with my need to be in control of every little thing, including where things were put away, and I would get upset when he didn’t put them away correctly. I made him nuts. So I’m sure I’ll make Drix nuts, too.

It takes me a long time to figure out what I’m really worried about. What if I end up loving living with him, and something happens? Can I take that chance again? Like before… before I ever lived with Holden, there was Taylor. And well… that wasn’t something I wanted to think about.

But unfortunately, it seems that no matter what’s going on in my life, everything always comes back to Taylor. Taylor and his soft blue eyes and kind smile. The sweetest smile I’d ever seen.

I know that Holden would tell me not to let it stop me from doing something I wanted to do. He always tells me that, he always knows what to say.

When I glance at the clock, I see that it’s two in the morning, so there’s no way I’m calling to wake him up with this. I can handle it on my own.

But Taylor’s smile won’t stop flashing in my mind’s eye.

Before I can stop them, my eyes fill with tears, and a moment later, I’m sobbing myself to sleep in Brutus’s fur. Those blue eyes haunting my dreams all night.

* * *

---