Page 12 of Going Down Smooth: Part One

“How long?” I ask. My voice sounds small in my ears. My fifteen-year-old self raises his head in sorrow at the possible loss of another father figure in my life.

Benjamin inhales and exhales a long breath then stands and marches over to his drink cabinet. The panel springs open on the wall, revealing several bottles of what I am sure is nothing but the best Smooth Bourbon has to offer. He pulls out two tumblers and fills them before returning back to the sofas. He places a drink down in front of me and makes his way back over to his seat opposite me. I am not really in the mood to drink but the somber mood in the room almost demands it. I pick up the glass and sip the amber liquid, vanilla and caramel hits my tongue, sweet and smooth like the name of the company that produces it.

“A year.” Benjamin finally confesses after a moment of savoring his own drink. “All the money in the world and I can’t save myself from cancer’s deadly grasp.” He tosses the rest of his drink back and my stomach churns at the news. All I can think about in this moment is Mercy and how this news will affect her. They were inseparable when we were growing up.

“I’m sorry, Ben. If there is something I can do to help, name it.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I wince internally because I have a feeling that whatever he called me here for today will be life altering for my pack. We’ve finally gotten over what happened to us the last time we all agreed to “help”, and I don’t want to send my pack spiraling out of control again.

Benjamin’s glass hits the table with a resounding thud, breaking my chain of thought. I meet his eyes from across the room as his eyes light up with the same hope I saw in Seneca’s eyes earlier. “I want your pack to complete the mating ceremony with Mercy. I want her to take over the company with her Alphas at her side, like we planned years ago.” I open my mouth to protest, his request sends me reeling, but he holds up his hands to stop me from speaking. “I know she can do it on her own, Knight. I believe she is more than capable, but she needs you. All of you. You complete each other, and I took that from her by pushing her to do something she wasn’t ready for.” Benjamin sits back in his seat, looking more worn and exhausted. I weigh his words, and I can’t see a way to fulfill his wishes. Mercy doesn’t want us. She walked away, and I all but sent her on her way.

“She will never agree to this, Benjamin. If she knew I sat here and even considered it.” I shrug hopelessly. “She will see this as a betrayal.”

“I will tell her when the time is right. We have time. I just want you to think about it. But keep this to yourself, Knight, until I can talk to Mercy. Don’t tell the others,” he says as he stands and goes back over to his desk. My mouth falls open in shock. I don’t lie to my brothers, we tell each other everything.

“You’re asking a lot. Maybe too much,” I protest. Sensing this conversation is coming to an end I stand as well. I don’t know what to say about all of this. He is sick and this is his way of getting his affairs in order, but what he is leaving behind could possibly be a trainwreck of epic proportions. I go to leave but before I do, Benjamin clears his throat.

“It will all work out, Knight.” He nods his head reassuringly, but it feels more for himself than me.

“I don’t see how. If Mercy has a choice, she won’t choose this,” I say matter-of-factly. I know she won’t. Not like this.

“I don’t plan on giving her a choice.”

SEVEN

MERCY

I’m running, again. Where? I don’t know. I can’t stand to be in my father’s office for a moment longer. My heart lurches in my chest. So many emotions swarming like bees, aggravated and angry that I’ve disturbed my nice calm mind hive that I’ve painstakingly built to protect myself. Nothing will ever be the same. Christopher made damn sure of that. I can’t take everyone’s eyes on me. Watching and waiting as the lawyer mentioned everyone else in my father’s will but me. The look of pity on Grace’s face as he read on, with nothing for me, nothing significant, nothing to remember him by. No wonder Edward kept cutting me pitying glances. Did he know? Did he know what my father had planned? He could have warned me when I arrived.

When the lawyer finally said my name. I knew. I knew my father left the business to me. Was I excited? Yes. It is all I ever wanted. Even being away for five years didn’t dampen my desire. I kept tabs on Smooth Bourbon’s stock like a hawk searching from the sky for its next meal. There were times that I even sent my father cryptic emails with suggestions about what they could do to bring more attention to the business. My heart never left where the company was concerned. I love making bourbon. My father used to joke about me having bootleggers blood running through my veins. I can’t deny it, he was right.

But the silence hung in the air and the lawyer gave me a look to say there’s more to it than just handing me the keys to the kingdom. A pause that lasted a fraction of a second, that was all the celebrating my little cheerleader in my head got to do.Stipulations. Everything comes with prerequisites in my life, and I am fucking sick of it. My gut is never wrong. The same bad feelings that I had before I walked into the room hit me like a freight train. Or was that the combined scents of Nate, Trey, Lox, and Knight? Fuck. My. Life. It’s never straightforward.

They are the other reason I had to get out of the house, my olfactory senses are going haywire. My skin feels like it’s on fire. By the time I left my father’s office I was taking shallow breaths of air through my mouth. Anything to stop the wave after wave of mouthwatering, pussy fluttering punishment their smells were hitting me with. I try to put as much distance between me and them. They’ve triggered my heat. I can feel it. This is a first for me but it’s official. My number is up and shit ain’t looking pretty for me. As I make it to the first line of red maple trees I damn near crumble to my knees. I grip the tree trunk as the most intense cramps I’ve ever felt tear through my body. The rough texture of the bark bites into my skin, my knuckles whiten as I hold on for dear life.

“Holy shit,” I hiss through my teeth as my free hand grips my stomach. I try to breathe through the pain, but panic grips me. I’ve never been through a heat before. My doctor warned me that my first one would hit me hard because of my long use of suppressants. Impotent tears spill down my cheeks. I can’t do this here. But if I leave, I lose. Everything. I try to think but my thoughts scatter like a house of cards as another wave of pain hits me hard. I reach in my pocket with shaky hands. I need to make it to my rental. Maybe Freeya can come here.

She wouldn’t make it in time and what can she really do Mercy? Think.I don’t know what to do. I need help.You know what to do. Your pride won’t let you. Stubborn, silly woman.My inner monologue hits the nail on the head as I clench my teeth together, refusing to acknowledge the truth.

With Mr. Brocks’ card in my hand, I slowly push away from the tree. Sweat rolls down my back and the cool breeze blowing does nothing to alleviate the temperature of my body. I reach for my phone, checking the time. Twenty minutes. My time is almost up. Twenty minutes to make the most important decision of my life. To walk away from the life I’ve built for myself in Chicago. My choices, my decisions, no one else dictating what I do and how I do it but me. My designation was an afterthought. I could still be free, but now it’s all too real. As much as that hurts in the moment, it hurts more to lose everything I left behind here more. The finality of it makes my stomach churn with nervous energy, wait, that could be puke.

“Was this your intention? Forcing me to choose?” I speak out loud to my father, as if he can hear me. Maybe he can. “Fine. You win, Dad. You know me better than I know myself.” I continue ranting out loud. My father, Christopher, would love to sell the company founded by my great-great-grandfather. It means nothing to him because all he can think about is his own “legacy”. His precious church. My father was the lead Alpha in my family, but Christopher is a master manipulator. On this he isn’t going to win. I go to dial the number on the card—

“Mercy,” Knight calls my name and I freeze. I can hear the sound of their feet running toward me, and this time I don’t run. I can’t move as pain, so much pain, wracks through my body. My curly hair sticks to my temples, falling in my eyes as a mixture of sweat and tears run down my face.

With my back to them I hold out my arm behind me to stop them. They can’t see me like this. I’m a mess in more ways than one. The wind carries their scent and my knees wobble as I attempt to stand up straight once more. “Please, just stay back.” My voice sounds needy as I try to suppress a whine from crawling out of my throat.

“Merce. Talk to us,” Nate calls out to me. I want to turn and run into the comfort of his arms. But I don’t deserve it. None of it.

“Mouse. Fuck!” Lox curses under his breath. I haven’t turned around, but I can hear him pacing. He was always impatient. Lox likes for things to happen when he wants them to. If he can solve the problem right then and there, he will. He has no patience for idle chitchat. If I wasn’t aching so bad, I might smile at the picture of him pacing like a tiger in a cage.

“Mercy, did you know your heat was coming?” Trey, my sweet, soothing, understanding Trey. No judgement, just concern for me in his voice. But he moves. I knew he would. Such a caregiver, out of all of them I knew he would attempt to come closer. I stop him. May as well lay my cards on the table.

“This is the first one,” I whisper, but from the sound of their gasps and curses from my confession, they heard me. Shame washes over me. Yes, judge me for not accepting what I am. I’m still struggling after all these years. Defective Mercy. I don’t know where the negative thoughts are coming from, but maybe this is all me. Is this the way I’ve felt about myself subconsciously? Have I been pushing it all down? Hell yes, I have. I am protecting myself the best way I know how, working and ignoring my emotions, hormones, all of it. Omega. This is my life.Your life, Mercy. I’ve had an identity crisis for five years, and it’s only now that I am seeing it for what it truly is.

“Mercy, turn around and look at us,” Knight’s commanding voice cuts through my thoughts, but his words are laced with concern, almost pleading. I take a deep shaky breath, my pants suit sticking to me, making my skin crawl from sweat, and oh God—No! Slick begins to run down my legs slowly. This is not happening.Oh, but it is.Clenching my legs together, I can only imagine what I look like to them when I turn around. I can’t even gaze at them. I feel so vulnerable in this moment, my tears fall faster. I feel utter humiliation for the state I’m in. If I had given in and let my body do what it’s supposed to do, I would have been more prepared. Again, I have no one to blame but myself. Freeya was right, I shouldn’t have come. Nothing is ever easy for me.

“Don’t do that. Don’t hide. Especially not from us, Mercy,” Knight says with compassion.

I want to rage but I can’t. I want to point my fingers in accusation at the four of them. But the accusing finger hovers over my head, a constant reminder of what I did. How I wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole. Unfortunately, there is no escape. Fate made sure of that. I can hear the crunching of feet as the guys make their way towards me but I am so overwhelmed, I can’t find the strength to lift my head. I know the minute I’m surrounded from the warmth of their bodies, the comforting heat will spread like a balm. Their scents send a needy ache through me, easing the pain by their proximity alone, and if I wasn’t already crying, I would be from the slight reprieve. The rumble of their purrs vibrates through me as they seek to settle me. I take another shuddering breath before a rough callused hand cups my cheek. The touch feels like a brand, marking me as his whether I want it or not.

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